10
Jul 12

Top 10 @BigRedBBall Tweets (We Have)

Let me begin by saying that I really like Seth McClung.

He's a charismatic and seemingly personable player with whom fans can identify and hope succeeds. Something I like even more than Seth McClung is the concept of Seth McClung having an unfiltered medium to fire off stream of consciousness thoughts, random musings and wild interactions out into the world. Enter @BigRedBBall.

Over the winter, Clunger inked a minor league deal with the Crew with hopes of cracking a big league roster for the first time since he appeared in 41 games for the Brewers in 2009. The low-profile signing was enough to spark a collective "Oh yeah! I remember Seth McClung!" among most Milwaukee faithful. Caught up in Big Red fever myself, as well as the Kenny Powers-type storyline of Southern fried reliever taking a shot at the bigs again, I permitted McClung to join the rarefied ranks of Cinnabon, Dad Boner, adult film star Lexi Belle and CYBORG HANSON TOMMY... also known as "Things and people I follow on Twitter."

In no time, it became obvious that my decision to follow McClung was a great one. Behind the 140 available characters the fringe reliever employed, one tremendous character emerged. Each poorly-punctuated, misspelled, fucked up tweet granted insight into the inner workings of McClung's unconventional mind. In a world where 98 percent of professional athletes waste bandwidth by shitting out unoriginal tweets like "Off to the gym! lol" or typing stupid shit about God or whatever, Seth's unpolished and less-filtered take on tweeting was a refreshing change of pace. Whether tweeting covert pictures from team meetings, publicly asking companies for free shit or throwing me a retweet when I made fun of him, it was all pretty great.

Sadly, after a Spring Training spent making me laugh online and struggling on the mound, McClung failed to earn a spot on Milwaukee's roster and was sent to languish in triple-A Nashville. Around that time, Clunger also unplugged from the Twitter-sphere and went off the grid. Figuring nothing gold can stay, I had the foresight to snag a few screen caps of some particularly enjoyable @BigRedBBall gems. Honestly, some of these don't even scrape the surface of the account's quality. But like the long-extinct Carolina Parakeet, Surge, or the expectation of new episodes of The Office being funny, it's gone now. All we can do is look back on it fondly and appreciate whatever particulate residue remains from it.

I now give you the top 10 @BigRedBBall tweets (we have):

10. "Let her shine by herself Joe"

Raise your hand if you took Seth McClung to be an Idol aficianado? Not so fast, entire universe. My brain read this tweet in the same crying tone that "Leave Britney Alone!!!" dude had.

9. House for sale
Twitter can be used for a lot of things. It's part promotional tool, part sounding board, a means of trying out new jokes, a way to connect. Additionally, you can sell your own house. If I wasn't poor and petrified to be anywhere near Florida for more than 15 minutes, I'd jump at the chance to own something a marginal Brewers pitcher jacked off inside of. Maybe I can find the Quizno's where Ruben Quevedo works.

8. "I think Id play a solid bad guy."

McClung is at that weird level of notoriety where a very small and specific group of people is aware he exists. Where I would be thrilled to see him in a cameo where he's a quirky gas station employee in some road trip boner comedy, 150 percent of the rest of the planet wouldn't recognize him from any other bit actor. When he wrote this, I said "I thought you were the guy who said 'Sweet!' on those Dodger Hemi ads." He replied, "I wish!" and retweeted me. In that fleeting moment, I felt kind of famous. Speaking of, any screenwriters out there have a role for me?

7. Not a morning person.

It happens to the best of us. Just, most of us aren't wearing button down baseball jerseys when we do it.

6. "Learn from a PRO!"

Perhaps Clunger had an inkling a promotion to Milwaukee was unlikely during the spring. Hence him hocking $50 pitching lessons behind the field after practices. Still, it'd be kind of cool to get tips from a pro athlete while at Spring Training. It's times like these I wish I was 10 again and my mom's boyfriend was angling for my approval.

5. Pitchers be prayin'!!!

This is evidence of the hurler's sensitivity. Amid the chaos, Seth would occasionally sprinkle in a mention of how much he missed his wife and daughter, as well as this. Humanizing. Touching. Almost makes you forget that airplanes are exponentially safer than cars are.

4. Thank goodness the Brewers signed Jay Gibbons.

February 28th, 2012. Mark that date down as the first time anyone was happy Jay Gibbons was on their team.

3. Juggler "fore hire."

More shameless self promo. Depending on how much he charges for juggling, this could actually be a pretty good deal. My birthday is December 18th, by the way. WINK! WINK!

2. Send shoes.
"Yo, Nike. Big fan. So... I'm a professional athlete who has a standing offer on his home. I also accept untaxed income to play catch with kids. Anyway, where was I going with this? Oh yeah, send me some free shit."

1. "Saw something crazy in the sky..."
Awesome.

McClung's current 2-10 record an 5.17 ERA in 16 starts at Nashville makes him an unlikely call-up for Milwaukee. Plus, there are a heft of better and younger minor league options (many already on the 40-man roster) that would likely take the mound before Seth, even if he turned his season around after the All-Star break. Still, I can take the likelihood of never seeing Seth McClung pitch another inning again, if I could just see one more tweet from @BigRedBBall. RIP.


15
Feb 12

The many styles of Ryan Braun, part three

The judgement of Ryan Braun's outfits continues, but in a shocking twist we actually sort of like this one.

Vince: Now this is the sort of Ryan Braun fashion I can get behind. He is seriously wearing the hell out of that suit and the two button is very swanky. Why you would wear Affliction gear when you can very easily look like this all the time I could never know. My only beef with this outfit would be that it was seemingly stolen from the set of USA Original Series Burn Notice. Like, really look at this. Is this purely coincidental? Or is Ryan a closeted Burn Notice fanatic who apes his outfits from the show?

Stephanie: I'm not one of the thousands of girls who want to bang Ryan Braun but in this suit I can see giving him access to Vagtown. Believe me it pains me to say this because I don't like him as a person, only as a baseball player. When looking at this outfit I cannot help but to think about what is in his pocket. Is that a really straight pocket square or a piece of paper? Oh wait, it is probably a list of chick's he has fornicated with, boom nailed it! Just like I would (probably) nail him, hayo!

P.S. No one watches USA unless there is a Law & Order SVU marathon on, no one can resist the sex, violence and Ice-T.

Tyler: I don't know, dudes. I think this outfit is actually pretty snappy, especially compared to the garments Braunie traditionally trots out. Personally, I admire the confidence he has to wear a light-colored suit. I know I could never pull that off. I'd almost assuredly smear pulled pork on it before I even got the pants on. Plus, he (or the person tasked with dressing him) even made sure to go with a brown belt to tie it all together.

Admittedly, I didn't understand the sunglasses at first. But then I noticed the ocean in the distance and it all made sense. If we mere mortals had to choose between gazing into the deep, alluring and endlessly vast expanses of Ryan's soul windows or the deep, alluring and endlessly vast expanses of some stupid ocean, we'd be too distracted and confused to bother purchasing whatever product the magazine was trying to sell us in the first place (probably car insurance?).


08
Dec 09

Winter Meeting Madness

randywolfSo, you've probably noticed this site has been kind of quiet as of late. I think I actually saw a little dust collecting on the header. You're probably thinking that Miller Park Drunk is another in the long line of Brewers blogs that got tired of doing it and closed up shop without ever telling anyone, but I assure you that is not the case here. Why would we quit when Seth McClung is thanking the author by name and apologizing for his typing? (You're forgiven.) Why would I quit when there are all these chicks dying to sleep with me? Why would I quit when Ryan Braun's restaurant hasn't even opened yet? Clearly, the world isn't ready to let us quit.

No, the reason you haven't been reading much here lately is because we don't write about bullshit. (Unless, of course, we are the ones making up said bullshit.) I don't want to speculate about silly rumors and then find out later that they weren't true. I don't want to attack an acquisition that never happens. It's just not our style.

The thing with these rumors is they are always ridiculous. Doug Melvin could be in line at a Starbucks where Mark Mulder has been working as a barista and all of the sudden we are on the verge of signing him. Continue reading →