Good reasons to go home

August 17th, 2009

Hot Brewers fan licks the paperLast week I wrote an article about people leaving Brewers games early and how there isn't really a good excuse for it. Apparently some of you took this as a challenge to prove me wrong and sent me almost 10,000 emails on the subject. Which is weird because we only have like 15 readers. Anyways, some of you made good points and some of you made bad points. I will attempt to respond to your emails here in hopes that the emailing will stop.

My wifes water broke at a game and I had to rush her to the hospital in the 5th inning. The Brewers went on to score 6 runs and came from behind to win.- Jack K, New Berlin

Aww, congratulations. That's sweet. Do you really think that's a good reason to leave though? Do you really think that your wife's water is the first thing to spill at Miller Park? If anything your wife's water probably smelled better than the three day old beer left standing in the bleachers. Besides I am pretty sure that she didn't just have the baby the second you got to the hospital. I'd be willing to bet that she didn't even have the kid til much after the game ended. Here's what you do next time this happens (and there will be a next time): take her up the stairs and go to the bathroom, see how far she's dilated and go from there. If she's under 10cm, play ball. If she's over, call her mother. She'll pick her up.

dude what if their is like this awsome party with lotsa hot females after the game that i want 2 get 2 and the game is pretty much over ne ways. Tony W, Milwaukee

If your thought process goes something like this you probably shouldn't even bother going to the game or working a job that requires you to go to the game. Just saying.

Dude, I had diarrhea at a game once. I don't know if it was the brats or what, but it happened and I had to go. Surely, this is a good enough reason. (name withheld)

Depends. Did you actually crap yourself? If you did it might be a good idea to go (unless you happen to have an extra Happy Youngster shirt laying around), but if you didn't? Do what you have to do in the bathroom and then instead of returning to your seat just head on up to Bernie's Terrace. That way if you do end up crapping your pants at least you won't be the only one in your section to do so.

We were pre-gaming pretty hard before the game and my buddy bet me $50 bucks that I couldn't smash a bottle over my head. Well, fifty bucks is fifty bucks so I did it, but I ended up getting this huge cut on my hand that I had to go to the hospital to get stitched up so I missed the entire game. Johnny W, Delavan

Dad, is that you? If so, why are you such a pussy? "Wah, wah I have a little cut on my hand I need to go home to mommy so she can kiss it." The pussification of our country never ceases to amaze me. Were you wearing socks to match your purse? Take one off and wrap it around your little baby cut. Not only is it effective, it also is a lot cheaper than going to the hospital. Not wearing socks? Use your new found $50 bucks to go buy some. Do I have to hold your hand through everything?

My boyfriend was like totally wasted and being an a-hole so me and my girlfriends ditched him. They wanted to leave early so that we could get a "good spot" down by the players parking lot. My friend Tammy has this huge crush on JJ Hardy and if he just met her he'd see that she was a really nice person. Karen, Kenosha

First of all, I am pretty sure that when the players want to get laid they don't cruise the parking lot after a game for drunk girls in Brewers jerseys hanging by their cars. That's just a hunch, but I'm normally right about these things. Second of all, and all ladies need to listen to this, you need to think of a new way to describe your ugly friend. We're on to you. "Really nice person", "great personality" and "funny" are telltale signs that you are setting us up with your ugly friend. I don't have much in common with JJ Hardy, but we do have this in common: we don't want the funny, nice girl with a great personality. We want the hot, easy one with a low self esteem. I am sorry, this is just the way things work. As for your original question, try and use some common sense. The players can't leave til the game is over, therefore leaving early for this reason is terrible. NEXT!

I'm a Cubs fan and I have to get up early in the morning. Kevin, Chicago

You are free to go whenever you like.

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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9 comments on “Good reasons to go home

  1. Anonymous on said:

    Still haven’t seen a good reason

  2. Anonymous on said:

    tony w


  3. Anonymous on said:

    I totally agree. We really need to target the d-bags that show up late and leave early. I mean the ones who show up in the bottom of the 3rd and leave in the bottom of 6th. 3 innings, what the hell is wrong with you people. If you don’t like baseball stay the hell out. Give those tickets to someone who wants to be there, asshole.


  4. Anonymous on said:


  5. Anonymous on said:

    Not that they all aren’t good, but this is the best post since the iconic flowcharts post. Bravo, sir, bravo.

  6. Anonymous on said:


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  8. Anonymous on said:

    I’m pretty sure Jason Kendall is an acceptable reason

  9. Anonymous on said:

    What if your were to get arrested?

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