The Happy Youngster is a douchebag who makes us all look bad
May 17th, 2009Surely, by now you have heard the story about the Brewers fan catching Chris Coghlan's first career home run ball and then holding it for "ransom". If you haven't here's a quick rundown of it.
Coghlan's home run was caught Wednesday night by a Milwaukee Brewers fan who refers to himself as "The Happy Youngster" and claims on his blog to have caught nearly 50 homers.
And while Coghlan said the fan was willing to give the ball back, the man's original asking price was a lot higher than the Marlins rookie outfielder anticipated.
"He wasn't the most polite or respectful guy about the whole process," Coghlan said Thursday. "He told me he goes around a lot and catches these balls and holds them for ransom — even though he doesn't say that he does, it seems that way."
Sounds like a real winner, right? I guess there is a part of me that can admire someone who wants to get game balls. If a ball is hit to my area, I go for it. At the same time, I don't wear a glove. Why? Because I am not 12 years old. I have never caught a ball in my life so maybe I SHOULD wear a glove so that I can position myself and be ready. Maybe I should quit tailgating and show up inside for batting practice. Maybe I should start wearing the opposing team's hat and jersey to the games so that they will see me as a fan of them and throw me balls. Hey, maybe I should stop going to games to watch baseball and have fun. Maybe I should just go to them strictly to get balls, then I could have thousands of balls and I could hang out with other people who don't even really like baseball! Then me and my new ballhawking friends could go to spring training and I could make a diving catch that I didn't really even need to dive for to add to my pathetic collection so that I could be on SportsCenter! Then I could start a blog and write about how much a frickin' loser I am! Then I could meet a nice girl and settle down, well settle down as in get laid for once in my life, train her to be as pathetic as I am and have a kid who I will pass my douchebaggery gene onto!
Or maybe I could continue how I am going and continue to be a real fan of the baseball team that I like. Go to games to watch them and not to make myself into some sort of pseudo-celebrity. I think Al said it best when he said "Again, this "fan" simply embarrasses all Brewers' fans, not to mention all police officers and, well, all human beings." It's a complete joke, yet this is the world we live in. People think they are entitled to things just because they bothered to show up. Good for you, you caught this guy's home run ball. You don't deserve anything for it. If I am your dentist do I keep your daughter's first tooth? When you ask someone to take a picture of you and your friends, do they ask you what will you give them for it? If you found someone's lost dog, would you ask them for two puppies and a kitten to give it back? Absolutely not. It's called basic human decency. The odds of being a professional baseball player are pretty slim, the odds of getting to play in the Majors are slimmer and to hit your first career home run is basically the culmination of a lifelong dream. He might never hit another home run, he could get beaned tomorrow and never play baseball again. You don't know, anything could happen. To give up this ball, that is worth basically nothing in the real world to anyone but him, should be an honor and a pleasure. Instead, it's a negotiation about what you think you DESERVE for being in the right place at the right time. F. U.
Here's what I think everyone should do when they see this guy. Report him. If you read his blog it's clear that he is often not in the seats he is supposed to be in. So when you see him, tell the usher to check his ticket. When he does his "ball trick" in the bullpen? Tell someone. You're not supposed to be doing it. I have absolutely no problem with getting people thrown out of a game if they are a douchebag and it's pretty clear to me that this is the biggest douchebag at Miller Park (even when the Cubs are in town.) So screw him, get him out of there. The last thing you want as a fan is someone making you look bad. This guy makes us look bad just by waking up in the morning.
To summarize - I don't like this guy. I don't like his kind. Ballhawks, to me, are the worst kind of fans. They are a joke, but do you know what pisses me off more than ballhawks? This girl.
Here I am writing a beloved blog for all the true fans touching on the hot topics of the day. Making people laugh, making people think, making people talk and most of all helping people enjoy the life of being a Brewers fan. Yet, the guy who goes to game and collects balls is the one selling t-shirts to attractive 20-something med students? Are you kidding me? THAT guy is making money off being a Brewers fan? The guy who wears different team apparel to every game? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?
You know what? That's okay. Two can play this game. Introducing the first Miller Park Drunk t-shirt.
Comments
Trackbacks
- Brewers Fans Want Everyone To Know They Don’t Like The Happy Youngster, Either [The Happy Youngster] | Breaking News | Latest News | Current News
- 25 Things About Miller Park Drunk | Miller Park Drunk
- EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: The Happy Youngstr | Miller Park Drunk
- Sue this post | Miller Park Drunk
- Zack Hample, Conan O’Brien and why ballhawking is still a bad choice | Miller Park Drunk
- Witrado’s Quest: The Final Act | Miller Park Drunk
- The Next Big Thing in Milwaukee is Brandon Jennings | Miller Park Drunk
May 18th, 2009 at 10:04 am
I actually clicked through on one of the links. I just about threw up in my mouth. I had douchebags like this. I would be tempted to get seats by him just to throw up an errant elbow should a ball come our way.
StB
May 18th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
We should organize a plan to get a bunch of people to go to a game, hunt him down during BP and stand shoulder-to-shoulder by him through all of BP so he can get any balls. I’d like to hear his blog on that.
May 18th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
I read that article about the Happy Doucher today and was appalled by his behavior. One day you should organize a bunch of fans to compete with him and shut him out, so he doesn’t get a ball and his precious streak ends. What a loser.
May 18th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
That shirt is absolutely brilliant. If you’re old enough to go to the game without your parents, you are too old to wear a glove.
May 18th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Things I don’t understand:
1) Why do people think that he is so great? Why are there no negative comments on his blog? No seriously. People stampede over there.
2) Why MLB encourages him, or the Baseball Collector dude. They hold Zach Hample up as some kind of example of exemplary blogging, when it’s just ME ME ME ME ME and how to lie and cheat to get something.
3) The post about this guy’s wife and kid – he is no better than the professional autograph hounds who go to spring training with borrowed children and send them through crowds to get autographs.
NO seriously. Why does MLB encourage these idiots?
May 18th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
I hope this guy dies in a car fire.
May 18th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
this guys a joke who needs to die grusomely, but honestly how bad are the chicks in milwaukee if that girls considered attractive
May 18th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
He learned from the Biggest and best – Bud Selig.
May 18th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
great shirt, i love it
May 18th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
fuck you.
May 19th, 2009 at 7:51 am
well, she appears to weigh less than 200 lbs. which can take a girl pretty far in these parts.
May 19th, 2009 at 9:08 am
Cub fan here…maybe a bunch of us can come up there and kick that jagoff in the dicktip if you guys come down here and do the same to the asscastle who writes “Bleed Cubbie Blue” for his own pathetic stab at fame.
May 19th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
I think you hurt his feelings – if there *was* content on his page, it’s not there anymore. Well, nothing besides stuff he has linked.
May 19th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
That guy fascinates me. Really, the more and more I read, I was like WOW. The opposing teams ebay gear and the “bullpen mechanism trick” is just epic stuff. I always kinda knew who this guy was…I just never knew he was such a self promoter. D&D nerds got nothing on “ballhawks”. Again…WOW!
May 19th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
I agree that it is ridiculous to “ballhawk” when you’re his age — especially to the extent he does. It is rather odd to be almost 30 years old and be doing what he is doing.
If it’s true that he’s stepping in front of smaller kids to grab the “toss up” balls — that is just plain WRONG.
I think the general sentiment is that “it is ridiculous for grown men to do little boy things.”
Almost every blog I come across says this in some way, and they would be right. At the very least, his “hobby” is weird for his age.
However, when I was thinking about this, it hit me that there is great irony to this situation: by the same standard, Chris Coughlan’s “profession” — big league baseball — is ridiculous.
Chris Coughlan is a grown man being paid an undeservingly huge amount of money (even by league minimum standards) to run out on the field and play a LITTLE BOY’S GAME. People say, “well Coughlan’s worked hard all his life to get to this point”. What Coughlan does for a living isn’t work — I call it RECREATION. So big deal, he has to spend hours in a practicing in a cage or fielding balls every day — I feel so sorry for him. Try working a real job, buddy, where you’re not horrendously and undeservingly overpaid.
After all, “it is ridiculous for grown men to do little boy things.”
The Happy Youngster and Chris Coughlan are, in essence, the same thing — except that one is overpaid for what he does.
Anyway, if I were in “Happy’s” situation, I would have given the ball back to Coughlan, but maybe asked if I could have his autograph or something. A simple exchange of a momento for a momento. I think that it is disrespectful to ask for items from another player.
May 19th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
Baseball is recreation when you aren’t good at it. Ballhawking is always a recreation, you can’t get a college scholarship from it. Thankfully for all of us there is no one that pays people millions of dollars to be a douchebag wearing a glove in the outfield. Bad argument.
May 19th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
The very fact that you can get a college scholarship for baseball is ridiculous and a black eye for this nation’s university system.
May 19th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
I guess I’m speaking from a standpoint of “the way things realistically should be” rather than “the way the fucked up system actually is”.
It doesn’t change the facts that baseball is a little boy’s game and Chris Coughlan gets paid a ton of money to play it.
May 19th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
… and I don’t mean to single baseball out, all professional sports are the exact same thing.
May 19th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
With that argument you almost convinced me, you are the happy grownup.
May 19th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Besides, my point (about them both being similar and juvenile) is further evidenced by the way they both reacted to the situation:
“HAPPY”: I said I wanted two bats and a ball! You gave me one! I want two! Gimme two! Gimme two! Gimme tickets then! I’m a cop! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
COUGHLIN: Gimme my ball! Gimme my ball! I want my ball back! Mommy! Mommy! He won’t give my ball back! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Grown men or toddlers?
YOU MAKE THE CALL!
May 20th, 2009 at 8:49 am
So if Happy and Zack are to old for this shit then what do you say about guys like Moe and Rich in Chicago outside of Wrigley that are almost 60? Zack Hample had an entry about these two old men a few weeks back.
Just curious
May 20th, 2009 at 8:52 am
If Happy asked for these things and didn’t throw the “I’m a cop” crap in there then most likely there is no story. He started high in what he wanted like a used car salesman selling a car. Ask way to much for it and then settle for the true value. The true value on this ball is essentially nothing. Coghlan is essentially no-one so his bat is worth about the same.
Both Happy and Coghlan are little bitches!
July 9th, 2009 at 6:46 am
Hell Yeah I Hate The Happy Douche Bag i also hated Jenkins when he advertised for this Homo if i see him at miller park im gonna punch him in the face and slap him with his glove
August 24th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
WOW!!!!!!!!!!! shut the hell up… you guys all just jealous of Happy…. if he makes you look bad..then go get ur damn base ball glove and start catchin the balls yourself… Tell me…what is he doing wrong???
the one person who said, “I hope he dies in a car fire.”
grow the fuck up!
November 29th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
“Happy” is indeed a douche. A pathetic douche. You heard it at Miller Park Drunk first!