You Can Buy Front Row Amy’s Van

FrontRowMobileWe've reached that point in the offseason where there's not much to write about. Well, the Brewers offseason moves up to this point (or lack thereof) haven't given us much fodder either, and it's not like we capitalized on writing something the few times a post was warranted... like that clutch Kelvim Escobar inking. But this post-Winter Meetings, pre-Spring Training late January lull is an especially brutal time to be a baseball fan of any team--especially a team being connected to remaining free agent names like Kyle Lohse (actually, that'd be kind of awesome at the right price) and the ghost of Lyle Overbay.

So we'll just take a detour from potential transactions and, instead, cover important periphery items in MPD's coverage area such as bad Brewers songs from two or three years ago and the most passionate, popular and attractive Brewers fan (excluding "The Maniac") selling her van.

That's right creeps, Front Row Amy is selling her van. The ol' girl has a lot of mileage, probably doesn't have much tread left on the tires, seems to have had a few body repairs along the way and is getting up there in years. And her 2005 Honda Odyssey has its issues too.

The vehicle has 126,450 miles, most of which were likely logged driving to and from Miller Park. But it features heated leather seats (which could probably be torn out and fashioned into some sort of gimp outfit so serve as some insane tribute with relative ease). The listing also boasts tinted windows and a rear entertainment system, so you can watch Brewers home games alone in a secluded location and truly feel the full unspoken connection that you and the van's only previous owner share... a connection that your friends, your estranged wife and concerned former co-workers will never even begin to understand BUT NOBODY WILL EVER UNDERSTAND YOU LIKE SHE DOES, GOD DAMMIT!!!

It also has cup holders, GPS and dual climate control. Nice features!

So if have an extra $11,900 laying around and you're hoping to bring your fandom of Brewers super fan regional semi-celebrity Front Row Amy to the next level, now is your time to strike... I mean, buy.

And for those of you who aren't obsessive weirdos and are just looking for a dependable van with a bunch of sweet extras, check it out.

In addition to contributing to Miller Park Drunk, Tyler Maas writes for Milwaukee Magazine, The A.V. Club Milwaukee and The A.V. Club Madison. When he isn't writing, he's holding down the Forward Fabrics shop. He wholeheartedly endorses Frank's Sauerkaut, Koops' Arizona Heat mustard and removing the DH from baseball altogether. Follow him on Twitter @TylerJamesMaas.

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