So this is something that is actually happening in real life right now...

Stephanie: I, as are many of you, am riding high on Braun winning his appeal Thursday and then him absolutely crushing his statement Friday. (Did you guys see his hair? And that navy blue button down jacket thing with all of the pockets? Am I starting to like this new Braun?) But then Vince brought me back down to Earth and by Earth I mean a special Hell on Earth where Milwaukee Brewer themed suede pumps are a thing.

The website reads, “PLEASE BE CERTAIN YOU WANT THESE SHOES BEFORE YOU BUY. Due to demand, these shoes are currently available by Pre-Order ONLY.”

What stupid twats are ordering those fucking things? I love the Brewers with my entire being, but I do not want to wear high heels plastered with blue and yellow to a baseball game (you all know my thoughts on heels at the ballpark by now). Oh and they are suede! SUEDE!! Do you know what beer does to suede?? Well you are gonna find out when you wear them to opening day, dickholes.

I guess, we must now begin to mentally prepare ourselves for the parade of fat chicks we will see waddling into Miller Park wearing these heels with jean skirts this summer.

Vince: These heels are kind of conflicting to me. I mean, not liking the Brewers is like number three on Vince's Oh No-No's List (I learned my lesson on that one (that intro..ugh.)) I need to be with someone who loves this team at least 1/10th as much as I do. A girl wearing these heels would be a good sign that she might be worthy of hanging with vintown. On the other hand, oh my god are you frickin' kidding me? The only people who should own these heels are the kind of people who let their kids dress them before a night out on the town. Pink bra? Sure! White tank top? Sure! Brewers heels? Sure! These girls don't care what they look like, they only care that they are wearing clothes and that those clothes are covering their naughty parts (but not too much, wink wink.)

Actually, you know what, I'm sorry there is one other type of person who would like to own these. Really weird roleplaying sex perverts. If you want your wife/girlfriend to dress up like Ryan Braun on your birthday and play a couple rounds of bat and ball with you, that's your business. Buy these heels and never break up with her because she is ruined for the rest of humanity.

Look, I love the Brewers. LOVE the Brewers and the idea of a down ass bitch wearing her Brewers pride on her sleeve (feet?) is appealing to me, but this is just too far. This isn't Nam. This is fashion. There are rules.

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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8 comments on “MPD SPECIAL FASHION REPORT: Brewers heels

  1. I LOVE these shoes…but would not pay $100 for them.

  2. I know lots of Brewer Trollops who would give favors for sweet footwear like that…especially for a dude with a mullet.

  3. SconnieGirl808 on said:

    Oh dear sweet baby Jesus. Look, I love shoes as much as any stereotypical female, and I love the Brewers WAY more than that, but these are just a turruble idea. Turruble.

    Beer/drunkenness + uneven asphalt + probably being worn by girls that can’t really wear heels = ankle injuries just WAITING to happen.

  4. These would not be worn to a brewer game – only a formal event, like summerfest – or state fair. Or if the lady in question was trying to get lucky at her friend Snookie’s wedding.

  5. monkey on said:

    i love these shoes. and you can wear them with skinny jeans and your brewers jersey at a game just as long as you don’t drink and watch where you’re walking… just sayin’

    • I own these shoes, and I in fact wore them to all 3 games this past weekend. Some girls live in heels and love wearing them. They are incredibly comfortable and easy to walk in.. and no I did not wear them with a skirt or short shorts for that matter. Skinny jeans and a Brewers top…. really not that hard.

      Also I get MANY compliments on the shoes… everyone wants to know where I got them and they were even filmed during the game.. so I think it was money well spent.

    • so basically what I was saying was YES! I agree with ya! haha

  6. Pingback: FASHION UPDATE: Put your clothes on | Miller Park Drunk

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