What would fashion week be without judgement on the way people are dressed?

Vince: Before I get into the audacity of this outfit I would like to point out that this picture was taken when Ryan Braun helped the Milwaukee Bucks pick their new cheerleaders for the 2011-2012 season meaning that A.) Ryan Braun dressed like this knowing he would be photographed and B.) Ryan Braun dressed like this knowing he would be in the presence of a ton of hot girls that he could totally hook up with if he wanted to. I am not sure which part of that statement makes me angrier. I am trying to think of something I can say about that shirt besides "it looks like something a gay guy would wear," but I am having trouble because, seriously, it looks like something a gay guy would wear. Am I missing something? Is the top of my shirt looks like it got faded by bleach look in this year?

Tyler: While I choose to forgo making broad generalizations about fashion and sexuality, I will agree that this outfit isn't my cup of tea. First, everybody knows that horizontal stripes aren't exactly slimming. Braundo: The Puss Mutilator needs to know that wearing this shirt totally nullifies his 26-pack of abs. Here, it looks like he's only rocking MAYBE a 22-pack. It's pathetic and, frankly, kind of gross.

Second, this hat looks like he was participating in an audition for the adults-only remake of Newsies. not judging an audition for Milwaukee Bucks cheerleaders. That mullet should be allowed to breathe, not hidden under a conductor's lid. Last, we come to those pants. Yeah, those intentionally-faded, purposefully-torn pants are "in" nowadays or whatever, but Braun has the money and the pull to dictate fashion around here, not blindly follow it. Speaking for the majority of us, the primary reason we sport shitty-looking Union Bay pants we got on sale from Kohl's is because we are lower-to-middle class people from the Midwest. Throw on a Packers polo shirt and we're ready for a Friday night at the VFW fish fry. A physically-fit icon from California has a higher obligation.

That said, he's still dressed like 1,000 times better than either tan-slacks and Sloppy Attanasio pictured beside him.

Stephanie: This outfit looks like he isn't trying, which he mostly likely wasn't. He doesn't have to, he is Ryan Braun, panties drop for this douche-bag. But what does chap my ass about the outfit is that he is actually capable of looking baller but obviously this isn't one of those instances.
The concept of his threads don't bother me though. I dig jeans and a striped shirt combo, but more so for a chick to wear.  I mean I rock the shit outta stripes, but for a professional baseball player it is a tad girly.
Also, is it me or does it look like that shirt would smell awful? It just looks dirty and like it would smell like hair sweat and vag holes.

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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One comment on “The many styles of Ryan Braun, part one

  1. Missus Dekan on said:

    While that shirt is ridiculous, it’s worlds above the douche baggy shirts that he normally sports. Yes, he does have the money to look like he gives a damn, but maybe he just doesn’t care.

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