With opening day vastly approaching we must discuss the topic that plagues women season after season: what the hell am I going to wear to the game? I don’t know about you but the goal of my game day outfit is to (obviously) support the team, look cute and be comfortable enough to do one or seven beer bongs in the parking lot before first pitch. However, from spending many of my summer days at Miller Park I have noticed that not all girls share this thought. Some girls have absolutely no clue what they are doing while others were clearly dropped on their head as a baby, but don't worry it's going to be okay. I’m here to calm your fashion nerves so you are ready for the 2012 baseball season.

There really is a wide range of options you can do for a day or night at the ballpark. Don’t overthink it. Overthinking an outfit will lead to you being very matchy-matchy and having an over styled look. Baseball games are fun and carefree so the clothes you are wearing should be as well.

You know what is not carefree? Wearing a tight dress and heels to the game, the only exception to wearing an outfit like that is being married to a player or being a hooker…or both. But at every game there will be those damn 20-something year old chicks wearing a bandage dress and stilettos. And of course, by that trollop’s side will be her goateed boyfriend wearing a shirsey of some player who was traded in 2006. Naturally, he will also be holding her baseball helmet full of cheese fries so she doesn’t look fat. Don’t be that couple. Please don’t be that couple.

My personal favorite outfit for a game is shorts (or jeans, depending on weather) and a t-shirt; basic yes, but the t-shirt is where you can spin in your own personal style. Now being a small market team, the Brewers don’t have as many hip t-shirts being manufactured as say the Yankees, (bastards) but that’s where places like eBay and thrift stores come in. They can be your best tool for finding that one of a kind team t-shirt that no one else at the game will be wearing.

If you aren’t a big baseball fan (wait, why are you even reading this?) and are just going to the game to impress a guy, I get why you may not want to spend the time looking for a Brewer shirt. The trend of color blocking will do the trick for you. Take a look through that closet of yours for some blue and yellow clothing (or if you like another team, look for their team colors (unless you're a Cubs fan if that is the case just die already)) to pair together so you have a pulled together look to impress the fella you are with.

Ladies, I do see you while I am at games. I do not want to pay attention to you because 75% of my attention is on the field at the game, 15% is focused on beer and 5% on waiting in line for the bathroom but that other 5% is checking out what all of you dummies are wearing. You know what more than half of you are wearing? Jean (sigh) skirts. I don’t know why white bitches love jean skirts, but they do and they will wear them to absolutely everything. Not only are they unflattering, but they are impractical. Everyone, chicks included, gets swamp ass at a baseball game. I'm sorry, but it is just a fact of life. A jean skirt does NOT help with that problem, so leave that Levi skirt at home next to your Kenny Chesney CD where they belong.

Now what about shoes? We already know my feeling on heels so you need something that will help navigate your way through tailgating and the game. Not to mention something to protect your feet from all of the spilt beer, wet brat buns, urine, peanut shells, tampons and occasional vomit that litter the ground. The basic flip-flop is a practical footwear option, cute Chucks are also a practical option depending on your outfit. My favorite game day footwear option is a pair of Tom's. They are cute, colorful and comfortable so they are perfect for all of the walking a day at the ballpark entails.

I think that about covers my rendition of what to wear to a baseball game. I hope you take what I discussed into consideration before dressing for games during this upcoming season. Believe me, I will be looking for you and if I spot you in a jean skirt and heels combo I will throw my $8 beer on you. A little extreme? No. That, my friend, would still be eight dollars well spent.

Stephanie is Miller Park Drunk's official fashion expert and an occasional contributor. She currently designs clothes for MPD's fashion label Hip Drunk Threads. She has a boyfriend and a baby who poops on the floor. She also like cursing.


4 comments on “What The Hell Am I Going To Wear To The Game? Female Edition

  1. Thank you for addressing the denim skirt plague. And a note to the “ladies” who wear them – they DO creep up, and we can all see your panties, or lack thereof, when you sit down (especially true if you are completely loaded and careless). Put on something with a crotch, PLEASE. I do not need to see your business at a ball game.

  2. Missus Dekan on said:

    You never fail to amuse me. The image of the dingy chicks wearing heels and a jean skirt just makes me giggle. Why come to Her Majesty (a.k.a. Miller Park) if you’re only there to impress a fella? Go to a bar and shake your skanky ass to pick up a man and leave your seat for a real Wisconsin girl.

  3. SconnieGirl808 on said:

    *slow claps*

  4. After that beer bong Jeremy puked and passed out like a little bitch!

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