I'm not afraid to admit it. In 2008, after a Ryan Braun home run essentially won the ever-important 162nd game of the Brewers season and FSN (as it was called at the time) stayed live to show fan reaction to the last out of the Mets collapse that landed the Brewers in the playoffs, I wept. I was 23 at the time and in (in true blogger form) in my mom's basement with my family... none of whom particularly care for the Brewers, especially when the rare feat got in the way of a week 4 Packers game. I'm sure it was an odd sight for them, but (as sad as it sounds) I'd never felt such joy in my life in relation to baseball.

I went to Game 5 of the NLDS in 2011. Vince and I shelled out $100 apiece for left field bleacher seats, and Vince quickly abandoned me to watch at Friday's out of nervous habit. When the Crew won in extra innings, I stifled a full-on man-sob as best I could, hugged and high-fived strangers as confetti rained down from the metallic heavens. A few tears cracked through my masculine veneer and rolled down my cheek as I scooped up come confetti and departed.

I swear I'm not that guy who cries over sports stuff usually. I'm aware of the invisible line in the sand that separates being a sports fan and being a sports nut. And I'm sure as hell not that guy who cries over anything. At least I wasn't. You'd think as you get older, it gets easier to hold one's emotions in check. To a certain extent, it does become more manageable to weather the constant blows of life's disappointments. But in another sense, the longer you live on Earth, the more you taken in, the more you're shaped and re-shaped, and the more your emotions are eroded and mutated in the waxing and waning of existence's high and low tides. Occasionally, something small or unexpected can just break you down. Or at least that's what I'm dealing with at 28.

If a Subaru commercial, a line from a Weakerthans song or some god damn sports moment from yet another World Series-less Milwaukee Brewers season can produce ocular moisture, I'm seriously afraid for my tear ducts when I become a father (and all subsequent dad moments), when I get married and when I lose a close friend or relative. This makes me a total wuss and I probably shouldn't have written it. But hey, I'll take the Brewers tears when I can get them. I'll just blame it on allergies or being way too drunk.

MicroBrew - Minor Leaguer Of The Week
In the wake of the tornado that ravaged Oklahoma earlier this week, some good came in the form of Timber Rattlers pitcher Damien Magnifico pledging to donate money to an Oklahoma charity for each Retweet he received. In all, he donated more than $300 to charity, which is a lot of trips to Solea and the Fox River Mall for a low-A player. Hopefully the gesture provides a karmic boost to the young hurler's 4.91 ERA through seven appearances.

Blatz from the Pabst - Old School Brewer

Hendrickson, in his preferred pose during his brief Brewers career.

Ben Hendrickson is the best quadruple-A pitcher in Brewers franchise history. The blonde-haired hurler dominated at almost every minor league level, but could never put it together at the big league level. I can remember being really high on this guy when I was a senior in high school and my first couple years of college. It's pretty sad when you hinge your rotation's future on guys like Hendrickson and Nick Neugebauer. Anyway, Hendrickson managed a 1-10 career record with a 7.41 ERA in 58 innings in 2004 and 2006, before being dealt to the Royals for an double-A catcher named Maxim St. Pierre. Neither did anything thereafter, but the Brewers totally won that deal by getting a guy with a name like that.

Handy Heckle - Pirates
There's so much to choose from. Picking your favorite piece of Pirates smack is like choosing your favorite child. You pick the best one. For me, the best way to troll Pittsburgh fans is to focus on their on-going 20-season postseason drought. The last time the Bucs were in the playoffs, Starling Marte was celebrating his 4th birthday. Dough Drabek (whose son Kyle is like a five-year pro now) was the last Pirates playoff starter. Sure, that streak of playofflessness could very well end this season. That's when you bring up the Packers beating the Steelers in the Super Bowl 45.

Tailgating Tips - What to put inside you, etc.
To eat: Hot dogs! With Spring Madness in full swing this week, $1 helpings of lips and buttholes were flying haphazardly from concession stands and (momentarily) into the bodies of fans. The MPD boyz got in on the fun Tuesday when Vince and myself took down some dogs... seven apiece, to be exact. Having gone a few years without eating a hot dog, I actually enjoyed a basic dog. The other six on the other hand...

To drink: If you're craving a decent Wisconsin-made brew, but you're short on time, money and/alcohol tolerance, consider a Rhinelander Shorty. A few years ago, Minhas Brewery (of Mountain Crest and violent diarrhea fame) in Monroe, WI helped resurrect this once-discontinued beer. Since pulling a Lazarus, Rhinelander and its classic 7-ounce shorty bottle have been making increasingly more appearances in Wisconsin liquor stores and taverns by the week. Oftentimes, you can get a 24-bottle case for like $9. Not bad, and perfect for a bloody mary chaser.

Tailgating Tunes - Wisconsin music recommendation
Hailing from the indie rock hotbed that is Baraboo, WI, Phox (pronounced "Fox"... I think) is truly something special. While most of the band's catalog isn't exactly rip-roaring tailgating music, you need to hear the seven-piece folky outfit do its thing. "Its thing" constitutes gorgeous, sometimes-peppy, sometimes-crushing songs destined to propel the band to greater things. They also have been making music videos for every song on their albums of late (watch one if you have 20 idle minutes). In songs like "Laura," Phox singer Monica Martin can reduce me to rubble with a voice that's somehow as beautiful as she is. You can download their album Confetti for as much as you'd like to pay (including free) on Bandcamp. If you're in Green Bay tomorrow (Thursday), you can see them at the Meyer Theatre for free. Show Monica that Vine video of me eating a hot dog, gauge her interest and report back to me.

If you can't make it to Miller Park - Watch the game here
I'm feeling oddly nostalgic as I write this and I want to venture outside of Milwaukee for this every now and then, so I'll go with Peabody's Ale House (544 N. Main St., Oshkosh) this week. I went to college in Oshkosh, and (hailing from nearby Menasha) felt like I robbed myself of the true "college experience" by attending a school so close to home. But for the most part, Peabody's is a place that carries good memories from the predominately regrettable experience that helped make me into the $21,000/year uninsured freelance writer with $50,000 in education debt. Peabody's is one of the city's few live music venues and used to have pitchers of "Lizard Lager" (*cough* Berghoff Red *cough*) for like $6 and popcorn for free at all hours. After I graduated, the ale house got even better, adding an outdoor bar, bonfire pits and projecting movies/games on the brick wall of a neighboring business. I make it to Oshkosh to visit my sister and be that pathetic weirdo grasping at his youth about twice a year, so I try to make it there now and then. If you live in Oshkosh, give it a shot. If you don't live in Oshkosh, avoid Oshkosh.

Ad-monishment - Shaming commercials that deserve it
I thought KFC was bad enough when it was just unethically-produced, criminally unhealthy food I avoided. My dislike for the company grew all the more when the commercial where the woman said "Gameday Bucket go boom!" rendered me sterile. Both those things are nothing compared to the corporation's new "I ate the bones" ad campaign for its NEW Original Recipe Boneless.

The word "Boneless" is in the name of the menu item! Unless the dude is blind and/or illiterate and pointed at a laminated photo of it, gave an approving grunt and plugged his ears when the order was repeated back to him, the guy had to either say or hear the word BONELESS--likely both--before he can receive his food. The fact that people on Earth laugh at this and repeat it without a shred of irony makes me surrender the last remaining morsels of hope I have for humanity. It makes my brain want to, not unlike the Gameday Bucket, go boom.

Follow
@NelliesNuggets - an accurate ode to Milwaukee's favorite member of the Brewers broadcast team skating by on the fumes of moderate athletic talent 30 years ago that didn't catch a Juan Nieves no-hitter. As I write this, the account has an unjustly low 23 followers. Follow and hopefully the volume of tweets will increase as well. Who couldn't use more gems like this in their timeline?

Have any ideas for any of these categories? Email tips to ForwardFabrics@gmail.com.

How do you spell Rickie Weeks?

R-I-C-K-I-E W-E-E-K-S

No. There are more Es and a lot more Ks.

Rickie Weeks has established himself as a baseball player and he is unlikely to ever change. His walk and strikeout totals will be high, he'll have EXTREME cold streaks and homer-happy hot streaks, he'll play average defense and maybe he'll run a little (if he's healthy.) Oh yeah that's another thing he does: get injured. He's 30 years old and this is his ninth season as the Brewers starting second baseman, he's not going to change. We've done this before. He is what he is. Expecting a better Rickie Weeks is like expecting a strong female role model to emerge on Teen Mom 2. It's not happening.

But what if you, like, don't want to be sophisticated and nuanced? What if you like music from the radio and beer and you like your baseball simple? Me watch baseball. Homerun good. Strikeout bad. Me like runs. What then?

Honestly? Just roll with it. I am over the idea of defending Rickie Weeks. He is who he is. He's never going to be Robinson Cano. There is nothing that will make him strikeout less and there is nothing that will make him into a .300 hitter. It's not who he is. He's 1-for-4 with a walk, all day everyday. Well, everyday until he gets hurt.

Last year was pretty awful for a time and he still ended up being a slightly above average second baseman. Better than the Darwin Barneys and Jamey Carrolls of the world. He might frustrate the crap out of you, but in the end he will perform better than roughly 2/3rds of the other second baseman in the league. What he lacks in grit, he makes up for in getting hit in the face by baseballs. I'm happy with that and you should be too.

Yet sometimes I wonder if it's time for Rickie Weeks to move on. Time for him to make some other team's fans crazy for awhile. Much like he will never change, the people who don't like him will never change either and I'm pretty sure that no matter what Scooter Gennett plays like, fans will love him. He'll be Craig Counsell 2.0, which is basically 2009 Craig Counsell with less-Whitefish Bay and more funny name.

Rickie just isn't the career Brewer type. He's not the career any one team type. He should be gone by now. He should be a Blue Jay or something.

Yet I can't imagine the Brewers without him and the thought of losing him makes me have a sad. If you are one of the people who hate Rickie Weeks then you probably have the opposite feeling. You cherish the day that he leaves town and that's your right. The grass is always greener and all that, but one day you won't feel this way. One day you will go to a Brewers game and they will induct Rickie into the Walk of Fame (projected date: 2043) and you will remember the good times. Strikeouts are shitty in the moment, but in the years that follow they become just another out. They don't matter anymore. Rickie Weeks will still be Rickie Weeks, but you'll remember the OBP and not the way he got out the other 65% of the time. You'll like Rickie Weeks again.

Or maybe you'll still hate him and you'll boo a 60 year old man. (Which would honestly be hilarious. We don't boo enough senior citizens.) I don't care what you do. I'm done defending him.

THIS IS IT! The Final Countdown is on. Pants Party 3 tickets cease being on sale later this evening so this is your LAST CHANCE to secure tickets to the greatest party of the summer.

$35 gets you...

This t-shirt:

These stickers:

This food:

And tons of beer, fun, games and baseball. It is a great deal and you will have a great time. I don't know how else to express it to you.

Already have tickets to the game? Buy a shirt package and join us for the party.

Can't make it to the game? Buy a shirt or sticker and help us throw the greatest party of all time.

Everyone who contributes (even $5 sticker packages) is entered into a raffle where you could win something cool like this framed photo:

So what are you waiting for? BEER FOOD BASEBALL PRIZES GAMES FUN. Men have a great time. Women have a great time. It's a party for everyone. It's everything and anything you want it to be.

It's Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party 3: THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH!

When the Brewers brought back Yuni B, it was like seeing your ex-girlfriend walk back through your door. Only instead of the moderately attractive girl you remember she was sporting a neck tattoo that read "SLUT" and a Nickelback t-shirt that barely hid her pregnant belly. And the baby is yours. The Brewers re-signing Betancourt felt somewhat like the worst thing ever, but it wasn't. Why?

Because the Brewers didn't sign Yuni as an everyday shortstop. They signed him as a utility player and occasional first baseman. He couldn't ruin our lives like he once did. Doug Melvin was smart to think that a former everyday shortstop, even a bad one, was better to have on the team than a career minor leaguer/bench player. He was 100% right and the world owes him an apology for that, but a funny thing has happened since the season started. Something that Doug, the fans or anyone with a brain in their head ever could have expected; Yuni B has been one of the very best Brewers on the team. (To be fair, OOTP saw it coming.)

I don't know when or how it happened, but I suddenly stopped worrying about Yuni. There was a game last week when the Brewers were in a position to tie the game, Yuni was at the plate and I expected him to do something. I not only expected it, but I was surprised when he didn't. Two years ago I would have seen it coming a mile away and tweeted something like "yuni smh" and that would be that. Now? I'm wondering where Corey Hart fits in on this team. What the hell happened?

As far as I can see it there are only a few possible expectations for Yuniesky Betancourt: Good Baseball Player.

• His mohawk has inadvertently given him the powers of Mr. T.
• Spending another season in Kansas City helped him realize that being a Major League Baseball player is a great job, but it is even better when you don't play in Kansas City.
• Learning English in the offseason helped him understand what the coaches meant by "Don't f*ckin' swing at that" and the fans meant by "you suck." (Seriously, this could be true.)
• He actually is Voldemort and this is his Tom Riddle in his Slytherin prefect days.
• Steroids.

Or it's just a small sample size. Whatever.

PANTS PARTY THREE CLICK HERE

This year's Pants Party is going to be the absolute best. For those of you who don't follow us on social media, we are doing the Pants Party 3 funding entirely through IndieGoGo. What does this mean? It means we have multiple reward levels designed to allow us to hold the biggest Pants Party yet. You want your name on your shirt? We can do that. You want a set a bags to go along with your tickets? We got that. You want to go to Saturday's game? We got you. You want your own booze? We got that too. Unless you want a blownado, we probably got you covered.

The party will be on Sunday June 23rd before the 1:10 game against the Atlanta Braves. (This is also Polish Heritage Day and everyone who actually makes it inside will get a Polish Sausage bobblehead.) The party will start as soon as they start letting cars in the parking lot. We will have all-you-can-drink beer, an additional drinking option (think jungle juice,) all-you-can-eat food (brats, as well as some next level tailgating food,) tailgating games, t-shirts, stickers and much, much more. I am not kidding when I say that it is going to be the best tailgate party of the year. It's going to be the best tailgate party of the year.

How much do I believe in this thing? So much I made this video.

Seriously, this is going to be awesome. Things are going to happen that will be amazing. Someone you know will forget to put on suntan lotion and get burnt, someone will fall, you'll have the chance to tell someone (probably me) they are wrong about something and good times will be had by all. Pants Parties are the best.

But don't take my word for it. Here a few testimonials from ACTUAL Pants Party attendees:

Should you attend Pants Party 2013? Only if you like to have fun. I look forward to this event every year. It's a great party with cool people and (semi) intelligent baseball discussion. - Rachel, former and future Pants Party attendee

Tonight I'm proud to be contributor #1 to one of the best (mostly) annual parties any Brewer site has ever held. C'mon out and join us! - Kyle L, Brew Crew Ball

Everyone that likes baseball or fun should go to this. It's a blast! - Joe K

What the hell is wrong with you people? - the lady in the purple
 

So check it out. We would really like you to come and have a good time with us. We will have booze, prizes, food, games and fun. Then when we're done with that will have some baseball. Where can you go wrong? It will be the time of your life. When it's over you will have never have felt this way before. It's the truth and you'll owe it all to MPD.

Questions? Click through for the FAQ, VIP rewards info and pictures of this year's stickers.

We received lots of submissions from a whole bunch of readers throughout the week, and we didn't even have to be desperate about getting people to participate at all. Chalk up another successful promotion for the MPD boys!

Actually, participation only climbed to upwards of three people. Yikes! Anyway, since we promised stuff to people, I thought we'd share the efforts and name the runner-up and winning submissions below.

I did this one for fun.

This one comes from a Philadelphia-based podcast called NQA Podcast. It was the first one I received and when I opened it, I actually laughed for a while. I thought Super HGH only came in pill form.

Jared B.'s surfing dog.

Jared B. reminding most of us a man in his seventies is in better shape than we are.

Jared B. again! I like how the green bar overlaps Vince. I would've picked this as the winner, but I thought it wouldn't make sense to people who didn't know what the guy who runs this site looks like. He looks like this.

Cindy L. with the first of two similar-but-awesome submissions.

RUNNER UP: Cindy L.'s other submission is good for second place. Notice the faint racing sausages looming ominously in the background. Great stuff, Cindy.

And the winner is...

Jared B. with his fourth entry. Between making fun of Front Row Amy, the attention to detail and the concept itself, this was impossible to resist picking, even though I know Jared. Whatever, three people entered. I don't have to explain myself.

Congrats to our winners. The rest of you should make sure to enter the next time I try a contest, which will probably never happen again.