Each Thursday preceding Brewers weekend home stands, Tyler Maas Vince Morales will help prepare fans for all elements of the upcoming series with the Homestander. Tyler prints Wisconsin-themed shirts at Forward Fabrics and contributes to such fine publications as Milwaukee Magazine and The A.V. Club Milwaukee. All views, naughty words and weirdo sentiments are his own. Follow him at @TylerJamesMaas @vintown

There is a witch hunt going on in the MLB and it involves our favorite son, Ryan Braun. I don't know why, but there is. The mainstream media is a big part of it because they want to get the scoop, they want to break the story and they want to get the page views. They learned from the Melky Cabrera situation that he just doesn't get the clicks anymore. They've learned that Alex Rodriguez, once a ratings bonanza of controversy on par with Tiger Woods, just doesn't get the viewers like he used to. In order to strum up some business with this Biogenesis thing, they need a name with some value. A guy who is still good, they NEED Ryan Braun. I guarantee you if someone ends up suspended for this thing (and they shouldn't be unless they fail a drug test, but that's another rant) that the media will tell you that "so and so was suspended, but still no word on Ryan Braun" because "so and so" doesn't get the clicks, but Ryan Braun will. Ryan Braun is forever stung by this thing and it sucks. Whenever there is a thing with PEDs, he will be brought up. Right now, every dumb person I know just assumes that Ryan Braun did PEDs and he WILL be busted soon. There is no burden of proof, only a belief in what ESPN tells you.

Which is why I say this, don't believe everything you read or see on TV. The media lies. They have an agenda. Sometimes that agenda is protecting their corporate sponsors and sometimes that agenda is to get more viewers. Ryan Braun can be used to fit that agenda. I'm not saying he's guilty or innocent, I'm just saying you need to look at what you know and make up your own decisions. Use critical thinking and stop letting ESPN or whoever else decide things for you. You can do it. We are Anonymous.

MicroBrew - Minor Leaguer Of The Week

Apparently there was a draft yesterday? And the Brewers drafted some dudes? Last time I checked I thought all our picks belonged to the Cardinals, but apparently we still had some. Let's see who we can get excited about:

Neuhaus, a left-handed hitter who turns 18 in two weeks, missed most of his senior season at Wharton (Fla.) High School with injuries, including a ruptured eardrum suffered with Brewers amateur scouting director Bruce Seid in the stands and a right quadriceps strain that dogged him much of the spring.

You know the old saying "you can't be injury prone if you don't start in high school." Great value pick by the Brewers here, drafting a guy who listens to The National so loudly that he blows out his eardrum. (I assume.) Can't wait to see how he pans out!

Blatz from the Pabst - Old School Brewer

Fernando Vina. When I was in middle school my dad worked in downtown Milwaukee so one day he took me to work with them and then let me take a cab to go to a Brewers game BY MYSELF. It was the coolest. I got there really early and managed to snag a batting practice ball with my glove and a belt. (It was near the foul line, but just out of reach. I basically fished for it.) I then took that ball and scored some autographs. I ended up with two, Fernando Vina and... Derek Jeter. My dumb kid self was like "whatever Yankees dude" and so pumped about Vina that I played second base in little league and had the same number. I don't know whatever happened to that ball.

Handy Heckle - Phillies

"YOUR TEAM SUCKS! I MEAN, OUR TEAM SUCKS TOO, BUT AT LEAST WE DON'T HAVE A TERRIBLE REPUTATION FOR THROWING BATTERIES AND BOOING SANTA! EVEN IF THAT SANTA THING HAPPENED IN THE 70s!"

Tailgating Tips - What to put inside you, etc.

To drink: Strongbow hard cider. I just had this for the first time and oh my god do I love it. I am usually the person who makes fun of hard cider drinkers ("hard cider? do you also like hard wieners? you know, bcuz gay") but this stuff is the bomb. Plus, it's like 5% alcohol which is more than that Miller Lite you're drinking right now.

To eat: Whatever. Just don't do anything that Jerry Garcia makes and complain about him loudly. That way I can take his job and make everyone hate me.

Tailgating Tunes

George Harrison.

Have you ever heard of this guy? He's awesome! Apparently he was in some band before this, but now he's out on his own and he's really making some great music. "My Sweet Lord" may be my favorite song ever. I once sent it to my baby's mother and she hated it because it was "about others Gods" or something. GOOD TIMES!

If you can't make it to Miller Park - Watch the game here

Friday's Front Row at Miller Park. A bit overpriced, but they have a great drink selection.

Seriously, have you looked at stubhub prices for this weekend? You can go.

Otherwise check out McBob's which is where I take the shuttle from for every Brewers game. They have a good beer selection, excellent corned beef and diversity in their customer base. Something that you don't normally find in a Milwaukee bar.

Ad-monishment - Shaming commercials that deserve it

I don't watch enough TV to really get into this (hipster status), but if I had to choose one it would be any commercial involving people playing hockey. Have these (M)ad men ever even watched hockey? It actually has lighting, you know. It's not done in pitch black arenas. Also, the players are uglier. Except for Patrick Sharp, he's dreamy.

Follow

@OleWrestling

Ever wonder what I do when I am ignoring the Brewers and my blog? I write about indy wrestling at my blog, Ole Wrestling. Specifically, crazy theories of a Chikara conspiracy that has seen my favorite thing ever get shut down. If you're into that sort of thing give it a follow. Don't worry, it won't hurt my feelings if you don't. I know there are only like five people interested in this besides me.

The fan base's blind affection so generously heaped upon the childlike frame of the scant second baseman is probably on account of two main reasons. First, and most important, Gennett hit .297, stole eight bases and tallied 60 hits through 50 games in Nashville this season. Not bad at all. But it seems like the primary reason fans have been ardently clamoring for Scooter to climb the prospect ladder is--aside from him not being Rickie Weeks--is on account of how he's managed to play slightly above average triple-A ball while still being able to shop at Gap Kids. Well, the boisterous and largely-unintelligible cries of Team Scooter were finally heard today, as the impish infielder was promoted to the Milwaukee Brewers 25-man roster.

Let me start by saying that I harbor no ill will toward Gennett. I wish him loads of success in Milwaukee over the course of a lengthy and memorable career. However, I just don't see that happening. Sure, the little guy is the sixth rated prospect in the Brewers minor league system, but that same minor league system is considered to be among the worst in baseball. The Expos have better prospects waiting in the wings. Being the sixth best prospect the Brewers has to offer is as much a badge of honor was being one of the best actors in Fast & Furious 6, a touring musician in support of Josh Groban or third runner-up in the Miss Vermont pageant.

We live in an age of baseball that's, thankfully, less reliant on a player's ability to "look" like a pro and "show he has the tools to last in this league" and 5,000 other things you've heard Harold Reynolds say. I won't pretend to be an expert on advanced metrics, but I do appreciate that player evaluation has advanced beyond looking at how an adult man looks in a uniform, how hard he can hit a baseball and how he "leave it all on the field." I love the increased acceptance of defense-first players on rosters throughout the league and how ballparks are adding OBP to their jumbotron stats.

Yet Scooter-Mania seems to hint that no matter how much we know about baseball and how much the way we watch the game has changed for the better, it's nothing compared to the allure of seeing a man with a unique body-type play at a level and with a frequency he shouldn't be permitted. Scooter Gennett is baseball John Kuhn. In the same way the collective screams of "KUUUUUUUUHN!!!" showed Lambeau Field preferred to put the fate of 4th and 1 in the incapable hands of a white, 250-pound undrafted backup fullback from Shippensburg instead of Ryan Grant in his prime, is the same logic that goes into seeking out a 5'10" (listed--he's maybe 5'6") and 150-pound singles hitter taken in the 16th round to take over at second base for a struggling-but-proven first round pick/former All-Star with three 20-homer run seasons to his credit and a career OBP that's higher than any single season Gennett has had since low-A ball.

As a whole, we like "scrappy" and "gritty" players because they're like us. They weren't blessed with the bodies to be able to succeed in professional sports. When an Eckstein or a Gennett squeezes through the cracks, it's a victory for us. Maybe we can do something with our life someday. Maybe we will get that raise so we can finally buy that boat or trick that cute bartender into going on a date with us. It's all kind of sad. And when the anomaly has a nickname like "Scooter," we're eating out of his hand.

I might be wrong (and I really hope I am), but I just don't think Scooter Gennett is the answer... unless the question is in regard to a cheap, warm body that will keep fans watching a fourth place team while Doug Melvin tries to free up salary by trading Rickie Weeks for peanuts. Right now, even Jeff Bianchi seems like a better option at second than Gennett does. And if Gennett is so goddamn valuable and meaningful for Milwaukee's future, then why start his arbitration clock, toss him unnecessary service time and rob him of regular at-bats in meaningless contests?

As neat as it is to see a homegrown prospect ascend to the Major League level, I think both the time and the player are wrong. Bookmark this and tweet quotes at me when I'm wrong, but I think Scooter Gennett is more likely to wind up as a funny "Oh my God, I forgot about him!!!" reference we pull out to make friends laugh in 2019 than a productive every day player at the big league level. Rickie Weeks may not be the right man for Milwaukee's 2B job right now (even though he is), but neither is a scrappy-gritty miniature who we can live vicariously through.

I'm not afraid to admit it. In 2008, after a Ryan Braun home run essentially won the ever-important 162nd game of the Brewers season and FSN (as it was called at the time) stayed live to show fan reaction to the last out of the Mets collapse that landed the Brewers in the playoffs, I wept. I was 23 at the time and in (in true blogger form) in my mom's basement with my family... none of whom particularly care for the Brewers, especially when the rare feat got in the way of a week 4 Packers game. I'm sure it was an odd sight for them, but (as sad as it sounds) I'd never felt such joy in my life in relation to baseball.

I went to Game 5 of the NLDS in 2011. Vince and I shelled out $100 apiece for left field bleacher seats, and Vince quickly abandoned me to watch at Friday's out of nervous habit. When the Crew won in extra innings, I stifled a full-on man-sob as best I could, hugged and high-fived strangers as confetti rained down from the metallic heavens. A few tears cracked through my masculine veneer and rolled down my cheek as I scooped up come confetti and departed.

I swear I'm not that guy who cries over sports stuff usually. I'm aware of the invisible line in the sand that separates being a sports fan and being a sports nut. And I'm sure as hell not that guy who cries over anything. At least I wasn't. You'd think as you get older, it gets easier to hold one's emotions in check. To a certain extent, it does become more manageable to weather the constant blows of life's disappointments. But in another sense, the longer you live on Earth, the more you taken in, the more you're shaped and re-shaped, and the more your emotions are eroded and mutated in the waxing and waning of existence's high and low tides. Occasionally, something small or unexpected can just break you down. Or at least that's what I'm dealing with at 28.

If a Subaru commercial, a line from a Weakerthans song or some god damn sports moment from yet another World Series-less Milwaukee Brewers season can produce ocular moisture, I'm seriously afraid for my tear ducts when I become a father (and all subsequent dad moments), when I get married and when I lose a close friend or relative. This makes me a total wuss and I probably shouldn't have written it. But hey, I'll take the Brewers tears when I can get them. I'll just blame it on allergies or being way too drunk.

MicroBrew - Minor Leaguer Of The Week
In the wake of the tornado that ravaged Oklahoma earlier this week, some good came in the form of Timber Rattlers pitcher Damien Magnifico pledging to donate money to an Oklahoma charity for each Retweet he received. In all, he donated more than $300 to charity, which is a lot of trips to Solea and the Fox River Mall for a low-A player. Hopefully the gesture provides a karmic boost to the young hurler's 4.91 ERA through seven appearances.

Blatz from the Pabst - Old School Brewer

Hendrickson, in his preferred pose during his brief Brewers career.

Ben Hendrickson is the best quadruple-A pitcher in Brewers franchise history. The blonde-haired hurler dominated at almost every minor league level, but could never put it together at the big league level. I can remember being really high on this guy when I was a senior in high school and my first couple years of college. It's pretty sad when you hinge your rotation's future on guys like Hendrickson and Nick Neugebauer. Anyway, Hendrickson managed a 1-10 career record with a 7.41 ERA in 58 innings in 2004 and 2006, before being dealt to the Royals for an double-A catcher named Maxim St. Pierre. Neither did anything thereafter, but the Brewers totally won that deal by getting a guy with a name like that.

Handy Heckle - Pirates
There's so much to choose from. Picking your favorite piece of Pirates smack is like choosing your favorite child. You pick the best one. For me, the best way to troll Pittsburgh fans is to focus on their on-going 20-season postseason drought. The last time the Bucs were in the playoffs, Starling Marte was celebrating his 4th birthday. Dough Drabek (whose son Kyle is like a five-year pro now) was the last Pirates playoff starter. Sure, that streak of playofflessness could very well end this season. That's when you bring up the Packers beating the Steelers in the Super Bowl 45.

Tailgating Tips - What to put inside you, etc.
To eat: Hot dogs! With Spring Madness in full swing this week, $1 helpings of lips and buttholes were flying haphazardly from concession stands and (momentarily) into the bodies of fans. The MPD boyz got in on the fun Tuesday when Vince and myself took down some dogs... seven apiece, to be exact. Having gone a few years without eating a hot dog, I actually enjoyed a basic dog. The other six on the other hand...

To drink: If you're craving a decent Wisconsin-made brew, but you're short on time, money and/alcohol tolerance, consider a Rhinelander Shorty. A few years ago, Minhas Brewery (of Mountain Crest and violent diarrhea fame) in Monroe, WI helped resurrect this once-discontinued beer. Since pulling a Lazarus, Rhinelander and its classic 7-ounce shorty bottle have been making increasingly more appearances in Wisconsin liquor stores and taverns by the week. Oftentimes, you can get a 24-bottle case for like $9. Not bad, and perfect for a bloody mary chaser.

Tailgating Tunes - Wisconsin music recommendation
Hailing from the indie rock hotbed that is Baraboo, WI, Phox (pronounced "Fox"... I think) is truly something special. While most of the band's catalog isn't exactly rip-roaring tailgating music, you need to hear the seven-piece folky outfit do its thing. "Its thing" constitutes gorgeous, sometimes-peppy, sometimes-crushing songs destined to propel the band to greater things. They also have been making music videos for every song on their albums of late (watch one if you have 20 idle minutes). In songs like "Laura," Phox singer Monica Martin can reduce me to rubble with a voice that's somehow as beautiful as she is. You can download their album Confetti for as much as you'd like to pay (including free) on Bandcamp. If you're in Green Bay tomorrow (Thursday), you can see them at the Meyer Theatre for free. Show Monica that Vine video of me eating a hot dog, gauge her interest and report back to me.

If you can't make it to Miller Park - Watch the game here
I'm feeling oddly nostalgic as I write this and I want to venture outside of Milwaukee for this every now and then, so I'll go with Peabody's Ale House (544 N. Main St., Oshkosh) this week. I went to college in Oshkosh, and (hailing from nearby Menasha) felt like I robbed myself of the true "college experience" by attending a school so close to home. But for the most part, Peabody's is a place that carries good memories from the predominately regrettable experience that helped make me into the $21,000/year uninsured freelance writer with $50,000 in education debt. Peabody's is one of the city's few live music venues and used to have pitchers of "Lizard Lager" (*cough* Berghoff Red *cough*) for like $6 and popcorn for free at all hours. After I graduated, the ale house got even better, adding an outdoor bar, bonfire pits and projecting movies/games on the brick wall of a neighboring business. I make it to Oshkosh to visit my sister and be that pathetic weirdo grasping at his youth about twice a year, so I try to make it there now and then. If you live in Oshkosh, give it a shot. If you don't live in Oshkosh, avoid Oshkosh.

Ad-monishment - Shaming commercials that deserve it
I thought KFC was bad enough when it was just unethically-produced, criminally unhealthy food I avoided. My dislike for the company grew all the more when the commercial where the woman said "Gameday Bucket go boom!" rendered me sterile. Both those things are nothing compared to the corporation's new "I ate the bones" ad campaign for its NEW Original Recipe Boneless.

The word "Boneless" is in the name of the menu item! Unless the dude is blind and/or illiterate and pointed at a laminated photo of it, gave an approving grunt and plugged his ears when the order was repeated back to him, the guy had to either say or hear the word BONELESS--likely both--before he can receive his food. The fact that people on Earth laugh at this and repeat it without a shred of irony makes me surrender the last remaining morsels of hope I have for humanity. It makes my brain want to, not unlike the Gameday Bucket, go boom.

Follow
@NelliesNuggets - an accurate ode to Milwaukee's favorite member of the Brewers broadcast team skating by on the fumes of moderate athletic talent 30 years ago that didn't catch a Juan Nieves no-hitter. As I write this, the account has an unjustly low 23 followers. Follow and hopefully the volume of tweets will increase as well. Who couldn't use more gems like this in their timeline?

Have any ideas for any of these categories? Email tips to ForwardFabrics@gmail.com.

How do you spell Rickie Weeks?

R-I-C-K-I-E W-E-E-K-S

No. There are more Es and a lot more Ks.

Rickie Weeks has established himself as a baseball player and he is unlikely to ever change. His walk and strikeout totals will be high, he'll have EXTREME cold streaks and homer-happy hot streaks, he'll play average defense and maybe he'll run a little (if he's healthy.) Oh yeah that's another thing he does: get injured. He's 30 years old and this is his ninth season as the Brewers starting second baseman, he's not going to change. We've done this before. He is what he is. Expecting a better Rickie Weeks is like expecting a strong female role model to emerge on Teen Mom 2. It's not happening.

But what if you, like, don't want to be sophisticated and nuanced? What if you like music from the radio and beer and you like your baseball simple? Me watch baseball. Homerun good. Strikeout bad. Me like runs. What then?

Honestly? Just roll with it. I am over the idea of defending Rickie Weeks. He is who he is. He's never going to be Robinson Cano. There is nothing that will make him strikeout less and there is nothing that will make him into a .300 hitter. It's not who he is. He's 1-for-4 with a walk, all day everyday. Well, everyday until he gets hurt.

Last year was pretty awful for a time and he still ended up being a slightly above average second baseman. Better than the Darwin Barneys and Jamey Carrolls of the world. He might frustrate the crap out of you, but in the end he will perform better than roughly 2/3rds of the other second baseman in the league. What he lacks in grit, he makes up for in getting hit in the face by baseballs. I'm happy with that and you should be too.

Yet sometimes I wonder if it's time for Rickie Weeks to move on. Time for him to make some other team's fans crazy for awhile. Much like he will never change, the people who don't like him will never change either and I'm pretty sure that no matter what Scooter Gennett plays like, fans will love him. He'll be Craig Counsell 2.0, which is basically 2009 Craig Counsell with less-Whitefish Bay and more funny name.

Rickie just isn't the career Brewer type. He's not the career any one team type. He should be gone by now. He should be a Blue Jay or something.

Yet I can't imagine the Brewers without him and the thought of losing him makes me have a sad. If you are one of the people who hate Rickie Weeks then you probably have the opposite feeling. You cherish the day that he leaves town and that's your right. The grass is always greener and all that, but one day you won't feel this way. One day you will go to a Brewers game and they will induct Rickie into the Walk of Fame (projected date: 2043) and you will remember the good times. Strikeouts are shitty in the moment, but in the years that follow they become just another out. They don't matter anymore. Rickie Weeks will still be Rickie Weeks, but you'll remember the OBP and not the way he got out the other 65% of the time. You'll like Rickie Weeks again.

Or maybe you'll still hate him and you'll boo a 60 year old man. (Which would honestly be hilarious. We don't boo enough senior citizens.) I don't care what you do. I'm done defending him.

THIS IS IT! The Final Countdown is on. Pants Party 3 tickets cease being on sale later this evening so this is your LAST CHANCE to secure tickets to the greatest party of the summer.

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When the Brewers brought back Yuni B, it was like seeing your ex-girlfriend walk back through your door. Only instead of the moderately attractive girl you remember she was sporting a neck tattoo that read "SLUT" and a Nickelback t-shirt that barely hid her pregnant belly. And the baby is yours. The Brewers re-signing Betancourt felt somewhat like the worst thing ever, but it wasn't. Why?

Because the Brewers didn't sign Yuni as an everyday shortstop. They signed him as a utility player and occasional first baseman. He couldn't ruin our lives like he once did. Doug Melvin was smart to think that a former everyday shortstop, even a bad one, was better to have on the team than a career minor leaguer/bench player. He was 100% right and the world owes him an apology for that, but a funny thing has happened since the season started. Something that Doug, the fans or anyone with a brain in their head ever could have expected; Yuni B has been one of the very best Brewers on the team. (To be fair, OOTP saw it coming.)

I don't know when or how it happened, but I suddenly stopped worrying about Yuni. There was a game last week when the Brewers were in a position to tie the game, Yuni was at the plate and I expected him to do something. I not only expected it, but I was surprised when he didn't. Two years ago I would have seen it coming a mile away and tweeted something like "yuni smh" and that would be that. Now? I'm wondering where Corey Hart fits in on this team. What the hell happened?

As far as I can see it there are only a few possible expectations for Yuniesky Betancourt: Good Baseball Player.

• His mohawk has inadvertently given him the powers of Mr. T.
• Spending another season in Kansas City helped him realize that being a Major League Baseball player is a great job, but it is even better when you don't play in Kansas City.
• Learning English in the offseason helped him understand what the coaches meant by "Don't f*ckin' swing at that" and the fans meant by "you suck." (Seriously, this could be true.)
• He actually is Voldemort and this is his Tom Riddle in his Slytherin prefect days.
• Steroids.

Or it's just a small sample size. Whatever.

PANTS PARTY THREE CLICK HERE