Jason married Chantel. Chantel is pretty smoking hot. Now they are divorced. This is Jason Kendall's ex-wife Chantel.

(Further proof that whole "becoming a professional athlete" thing can really pay off.)

Rod Stewart was a big time rock star. I know at least two people who named their daughter after his hit "Maggie May". I heard a story one time about him having his stomach pumped. This is Rod Stewart.

At some point Rod Stewart had a son. His name is Sean. You may remember him from the reality TV show Celebrity Rehab or Sons of Hollywood. He thinks his hesitance of affection stems from the lack of affection from his parents when he was growing up. I think that sounds stupid. This is Sean.

Adderall is a drug normally precscribed for people with ADHD. It is an amphetamine and it's effects are not that different from cocaine or crystal meth. It is often used by college students who wish to stay up late and study (or drink), people trying to lose weight and people who want to stay up. It is considered a performance enhancing drug and is banned by the Nevada State Athletic Commission and has resulted in suspensions for NFL players and UFC fighters. This is Adderall.

How does this all fit together? Simple.

• Chantel wants to divorce Jason.
• They both want custody of the kids.
• Jason takes Adderall which Chantel has accused him of abusing.
• Chantel has begun dating Sean Stewart.
• It's a mess.

I'm not sure what's worse, dating a person most famous for being an overly entitled, spoiled douchebag or abusing Adderall? Honestly, it's hard to say and I don't really care.

I just think you need to know this stuff.

[pics via, via, via]

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For the second year in a row I spent too much money on a 20 game package. With this package you get the option to buy tickets before they go on sale to the public. Only this time I didn't do that. I think I forgot, but really I didn't care. If there's one thing I've learned it's that I can easily get tickets to any game I want to go to. This includes Opening Day. Currently on stubhub there are over 300 listings and when you add in ebay, craigslist and everywhere else there is anywhere from 5,000 to 10,000 tickets available. If you want to go, you can go. Of course, if you want to go you are going to have to pay for it. People are selling tickets for two to four times face value (Marquee game face value, at that) and getting it. It's kind of crazy, really. It's gotten to the point where I am seriously starting to ask myself, is it worth it? I could go Tuesday and Wednesday for the same price or less than I can on Monday. Is that worth it? Wouldn't I rather have fun on both days?

Then again, I haven't been to a baseball game since late September and I don't really remember it all that well. According to this post, they won. Prince hit a homerun, there was Trevor Time, readers talked to me and I drank a lot so that must have been pretty fun for me. For many people their last game was the Saturday game that saw Braun hit a walkoff or the final home game that saw the Brewers lose, but Gamel hit a three run shot. No matter when your last time was, those games were a long, long time ago.

And I miss Miller Park. I miss it bad and I want to go back and do it all over again. I want to get drunk and creepily stare at the girl in the pink Hardy jersey, even though I know it's wrong. I want to eat something that I saw on Food, Inc. I want to go to the bathroom and hear Bob Uecker's voice. I want, no, I need to go to a real baseball game and I need to do that as soon as possible.

Going to Opening Day isn't really a fiscally responsible decision. It's just not. For what I spend on that day I could probably buy a four pack of tickets and still have money left over to contribute to Haiti relief, but... it's Opening Day. It's my first chance of the year to spend too much money, drink too much beer and eat too much food. What am I supposed to do, just let that chance pass me by? Are you kidding me? I have to go. It's Opening Day.

4 Metavante Club for Brewers 4/5/10 Not game tickets    US $10.00

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(via)

For the Brewers fan who likes the Brewers, but also likes smoking a ton of pot.

(via)

You'd be surprised how many of my searches end up in a topless Bill Hall.

(via)

I'm assuming this is meant to be funny. The caption, not the tattoo. The tattoo is NO JOKE.

(via)

I guess it's true what they say, Cardinals fans really are more dedicated than us.

(via)

Actual quote:

"I wanted a Milwaukee tattoo because I grew up here," says Lange. "Home is where your heart is. No matter where I go or what I do, Milwaukee is my home base."

Apparently living in Milwaukee wasn't enough.

(via)

I can't tell you why this picture of Scott Speizio's tattoo came up during my search, but I feel obliged to post it because it makes me laugh every time I see it. You see, that's his wife.

(via)

The tattoo artist who did this deserves a raise. Somebody get that guy some more meth!

Finally, I found this delightful tweet by Catie. A girl's gotta have standards.

Well, that's about it for this week. We're just about back on our regular season schedule now so we should be back with a full week of content next week. Expect less originality and more stealing from random message boards. They are the creative geniuses of our time, you know.

Hey Milwaukee, how's it going man? Alright. It's your amigo Barry Zito here and I just want to holler at you for a quick second here about Prince Fielder, alright. Last season Prince Fielder sent some serious bad vibes our way with his walk-off homerun celebration and a lot of us Giants are still pissed about it, bro. That was really bad karma and we just didn't appreciate it, man. We were in the midst of a playoff race and just tryin' to keep on winnin' man, w-i-n-i-n.

/takes off shirt

We weren't happy about the loss and I didn't really like havin' it thrown in our faces. Since I am starting against the Brewers today some people want me to throw at Prince, but that's not really my style man. I'd just assume keep a little change in my pocket and not get suspended.

/talks about what's under the hood

I went up to Guillermo Mota and asked him if he wanted to throw at Prince, but he said no. It'd be a lot cooler if he did.

/smokes pot

It kinda makes me wish we had a guy like Todd Coffey. I bet he'd throw at Prince for me. He oughta ditch the geeks he's in the bullpen with now and get into ours, but that's alright we'll worry about that later. That Coffey, he's good shit. I love those redheads, man.

/hits on underage girl

I'm probably not going to take part in any retaliation today anyways, man. It's not really Zito's style if you catch my drift. And Rick Peterson really did a lot for me, man. I been thinkin' about listening to my pitching coach out here, but on the other hand I don't really wanna spend my time listenin' to some dipshit who doesn't know what the hell he's talking about anyways.

/listens to "Low Rider"

Before I go I just want to give y'all Brewers pitchers a little bit of advice, man. Rick's probably telling you about bio-mechanics, staying drug free for mental stability and a bunch of other mumbo jumbo, but it's the same bullshit he tried to pull in my day man. If it aint that, it's some other choice he tries to make for you. You gotta do what Randy Wolf "Mother" wants to do. Let me tell you this, the older you do get. The more rule he's gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin' man, l-i-v-i-n.

/buys Aerosmith tickets.

Livin'.

It's spring training for the players right now, but it's also spring training for some of the fans. Get caught up and get all your questions answered in Miller Park Drunk's Better Know Your Brewers feature. It's like a casual guide for the casual fan. Today's feature is the coaching staff.

MANAGER: Ken Macha
DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC: Lame duck.
2010 CHALLENGE: Get Brewers to the playoffs.
ODDS OF SUCCESS: Medium.
MADE UP FACT YOU NEED TO KNOW: He thought he could fool us by changing one letter, but Macha is actually made from paper mache.
INTERESTING FACTS THAT ARE TRUE: Macha holds a first degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. In his free time he enjoys golf and turkey hunting.
THING TO YELL IF HE SUCKS: "Hey Maccarena, aaahai!"

BENCH COACH: Willie Randolph
DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC: Former Mets manager led them to one of the worst collapses in major league history in 2008, opening the door for the Brewers to win the Wild Card. I'm convinced that he was hired purely for karmic reasons.
2010 CHALLENGE: Trying to look interested for the 161 games Ken Macha doesn't get thrown out of.
ODDS OF SUCCESS: Low.
MADE UP FACT YOU NEED TO KNOW: When someone asks him how old he is, he says "17" and then after a dramatic pause says "for a while". MLIT!
INTERESTING FACT THAT IS TRUE: Has a daughter named Ciara who is not the recording artist.
THING TO YELL IF HE SUCKS: "RANDOLLLLPHHHH!!!!!"

FIRST BASE COACH: Ed Sedar
DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC: Does handshakes with players as they come to first base, especially Corey Hart.
2010 CHALLENGE: Stay out of the way of foul balls.
ODDS OF SUCCESS: Extremely low.
MADE UP FACT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Went to the same high school as my dad. (Wait, that one's true!)
INTERESTING FACT THAT IS TRUE: A big Montgomery Gentry fan.
THING TO YELL IF HE SUCKS: Come on, he's a first base coach. What could he possibly do to suck?

THIRD BASE COACH: Brad Fischer
DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC: Ummm..ahh....
2010 CHALLENGE: Don't send people when he's not supposed to, send people when he is supposed to.
ODDS OF SUCCESS: Exactly even.
MADE UP FACT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Huge Keller Williams fan.
INTERESTING FACT THAT IS TRUE: Once said this about the legendary Bill Martin: "Billy saw me and said, 'Great year, kid. Where do you want to manage next year?' I said I had heard of an opening in Madison, Wisconsin. He said, 'The job's yours.' ... I was just glad he remembered it the next day.
THING TO YELL IF HE SUCKS: "Classic Brad Fischer!"

BATTING COACH: Dale Sveum
DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC: Took over for Ned Yost in 2008 and took the team to the playoffs, only to be replaced by Ken Macha in 2009. Ken Macha! I could see if they replaced him with an outside the box thinking manager, but they replaced one nondescript paint-by-numbers white guy with another one. This has to burn at him.
2010 CHALLENGE: Getting something, anything out of Carlos Gomez.
ODDS OF SUCCESS: Low.
MADE UP FACT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Married his wife because of her close resemblance to Nurse Ratched.
INTERESTING FACT THAT IS TRUE: Favorite movie is "One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest".
THING TO YELL IF HE SUCKS: "Hey Dale, I thought you were supposed to Sveum how to hit!"

BULLPEN COACH: Stan Kyles
DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC: Is a bullpen coach.
2010 CHALLENGE: Coaching the bullpen.
ODDS OF SUCCESS: High (if the bullpen does well) or Low (if the bull doesn't do well).
MADE UP FACT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Before becoming a bullpen coach, he dreamed of being a bullpen coach.
INTERESTING FACT THAT IS TRUE: Is a bullpen coach.
THING TO YELL IF HE SUCKS: "Hey Stan Kyles, nice bullpen coaching!"

PITCHING COACH: Rick Peterson
DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC: He does things differently than most everyone else and when it succeeds he looks like a genius. Believes that pitching is related to not only skill, but also both mental and physical conditioning. Calling him the Phil Jackson of baseball with worse hair is not far off.
BONUS QUOTE THAT SUMS HIM UP: From Doug Davis:

"He's a good communicator, from what I hear, he likes to talk," Davis said. "... I've only seen him, obviously, on the opposing team, so I know he likes to go out there and talk to you on the mound and I guess he's really touchy-feely, puts his hands on your back and stuff like that. We used to count it ... like how many times do you think he's going to touch him this time?"
2010 CHALLENGE: Making the pitching staff respectable is the job he was hired to do, but his real challenge is turning Manny Parra into... something.
ODDS OF SUCCESS: Cloudy with a chance of walks.
MADE UP FACT YOU NEED TO KNOW: His true dream is to turn the entire pitching staff into half-robot, half-human cyborgs. He's not that far off.
INTERESTING FACT THAT IS TRUE: Yes, that is his real hair.
THING TO YELL IF HE SUCKS: DON'T YOU DARE YELL ANYTHING, HE IS OUR ONLY HOPE! DON'T PISS HIM OFF!

4 Metavante Club for Brewers 4/5/10 Not game tickets    US $10.00

4 Milwaukee Brewers vs Rockies Tickets 4/5 Opening Day    US $525.00

1 (One) Preferred parking pass Milwaukee Brewers 4/5/10    US $29.00

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