Do you like the Brewers?
Do you like getting laid?
Are you single (or will you pretend to be)?
Do you have $40?
Well, have I got the deal for you! Check out what I just found this on the Brewers official website:
For only $40, get a Dew Deck ticket, which includes a pre-game buffet and two drinks per person, plus the opportunity to mix and mingle with Milwaukee-area singles!
DEW DECK BUFFET MENU FEATURES:
- Grilled Bratwurst with Sauerkraut
- Hot Dogs
- Chicken Breast Sandwiches
- Lettuce, Tomato, and Pickle Platters
- Pasta Salad
- Assorted Cookies
- Soft drinks
- Two beers per adult
Would it be wrong to buy all the available tickets and put them on stubhub for 5x face value? The Brewers are basically guaranteeing that you get laid here! $40 makes me feel like I'm practically stealing from them. You can't even get a hooker in Costa Rica for that price.
Look we all know that the key to a woman's heart isn't actually a key, but more like a math equation. That equation?
Grilled Bratwurst with Sauerkraut
Chicken Breast Sandwiches
Lettuce, Tomato and Pickle Platters
Two beers per adult
I mean, duh. And what are the Brewers providing? ALL OF THE ABOVE!
The girl knows you have money because you paid for the $40 ticket and then on top of that they are going to actually provide the Lettuce, Tomato and Pickle Platters for you? They might as well be giving away roofies!
This night seems almost perfect that there is nothing I can think of to complain about. Well, maybe it could be a little bit better. Maybe some in-game entertainment? Or some OnMilwaukee.com personalities? Man, that'd be awesome! (What I wouldn't give to be "on" some of those OnMilwaukee.com personalities, if you get my drift. hehe.) OnMilwaukee.com personalities with their witty banter and coverage of all things Milwaukee, gosh I just love them so much.
If only we could get some OnMilwaukee.com personalities!!!! That would take this from a 95% chance of getting laid to a perfect chance!!!!
Singles Nights will feature in-game entertainment, appearances from OnMilwaukee.com personalities, a special Milwaukee scavenger hunt, exclusive prizes and giveaways from the Milwaukee Brewers and OnMilwaukee.com
Can't... buy... fast... enough.