Homestander: Buy Me Back

August 1st, 2013

HomestanderEach Thursday preceding Brewers weekend home stands, Tyler Maas will help prepare fans for all elements of the upcoming series with the Homestander. Tyler prints Wisconsin-themed shirts at Forward Fabrics and contributes to such fine publications as Milwaukee Magazine and The A.V. Club Milwaukee. All views, naughty words and weirdo sentiments are his own. Follow him at @TylerJamesMaas.

The Brewers organization's decision to issue $10 vouchers to all fans in August is genius. Everything is so smart about it. When in the season the promotion is occurring; the fact that the savings equates to a possible $3.6M (approximately the money gained back from Ryan Braun's salary), the lack of fine print in regard to how and on what the voucher can be used. It's the perfect and self-aware response to a bad situation the team is in (primarily) due to poor judgement on behalf of one of its employees.

Some fans--the same turds who post videos of themselves burning Ryan Braun jerseys on YouTube and pen grammatically-weak sob stories about how their son lost a "role model" (You mean the dude comparing Ryan Braun to an alleged murder on the internet wasn't his original role model?) on comment boards--say $10 isn't enough to account for this lost season. To those fans, feel free to stay home. Miller Park doesn't need your negativity, self-doctored "Fraud" shirseys and drop-of-the-hat booing. Bad baseball played under an open roof by men named Gindl and Gennett in August after a blackout drunk tailgate sesh is still better than virtually everything on this stupid letdown planet.

If a $10 coupon isn't enough to buy back the fandom you so quickly abandoned at the first sign of trouble, stay home. More frozen margaritas, helmet cholesterol and elbow room for me. See you on opening day, when you quietly abandon your self-appointed Brewers strike you went on "until the Brewers CUT the LIER" (they're still contractually obligated to pay $113M to). I'll be the guy pointing and laughing at you when you try to start the wave at a pivotal moment in the game.

MicroBrew - Minor Leaguer Of The Week
After what seemed like eons between homegrown pitchers making a Major League impact in Milwaukee, it seems as if Wily Peralta is beginning to turn the corner towards becoming a viable top of the rotation hurler the Brewers can rely on for seasons to come. Wily's ascension serves as a reminder of Cody Scarpetta's existence. When I lived in Appleton in 2009, I got hammered on $1 Rattler Ales and added to my helmet bowl collection more than a few times while Peralta and Scarpetta dazzled on the mound. Both had great showings in Appleton in '09, with ERAs in the threes, more than nine K/9 in over 100 IP and just five homers surrendered apiece. Though Peralta's numbers were obviously a precursor to the big leagues, Scarpetta's season was a flash in the pan to this point. His injuries and hardships on the bump find him with a 7.48 ERA in A+ Brevard County. At 24, there's still time for Cody to right the ship, but as of now, he's yet another sad story of Brewers pitching prospects gone wrong.

George-Scott-bobblehead-BrewersBlatz from the Pabst - Old School Brewer
George Scott died this week. In his five seasons with the Brewers (1972-76), he won a Gold Glove every year. He won eight in all. He leaves behind 279 homers, innumerable web gems, status as one of Milwaukee's first great players and one particularly awesome bobblehead.

Handy Heckle - Nationals
The Washington Nationals have only made the playoffs ONCE in franchise history. Let's forget the team's only existed since 2005. Bonus heckle: I'm pretty sure Adam LaRoache's last name is French for "the roach." EEEEEWWWW lolz.

Tailgating Tips - What to put inside you, etc.
To eat: From @Lizconsin's "Put It On A Stick" files.
Chili Lime Chicken Kabobs
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
1 lime, juiced
1 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1/2 teaspoon onion powder                
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
Cayenne pepper to taste
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
1 pound skinless, boneless chicken breast halves - cut into 1 1/2 inch pieces
Veggies cut into 1 ½ inch pieces:
Zucchini or summer squash
Bell pepper
Red onion
Button mushrooms (whole)

In a small bowl, whisk together the olive oil, vinegar, and lime juice. Season with chili powder, paprika, onion powder, garlic powder, cayenne pepper, salt, and black pepper. Place the chicken in a shallow baking dish with the sauce, and stir to coat. Cover, and marinate in the refrigerator at least 1 hour.

Preheat the grill for medium-high heat. Thread chicken onto skewers, and discard marinade.

Lightly oil the grill grate. Grill skewers for 10 to 15 minutes, or until the chicken juices run clear.
(Adapted from AllRecipes)

To drink: Potosi Brewing Company (in Potosi, WI. Go figure!) is only four years younger than the state of Wisconsin. Like past Homerstander recommendation Rhinelander, Potosi halted operation for many years. However, the brewery was revived in 2008 and has been spreading its tasty libations throughout the state since. In all, the Western Wisconsin reboot has nine beers in its catalog. I'm partial to the Snake Hollow IPA (7% ABV) and Good Old Potosi (5% ABV), but am itching to take the Potosi tour, eat at the brewery's restaurant and sample its 10 percent Imperial IPA. Road trip anybody?

Tailgating Tunes - Wisconsin music recommendation
A month ago, I had absolutely no idea who or what Soul Low was. However, the Milwaukee trio had quickly captured a spot atop my favorite albums released in the state this year with its great debut UNEASY. The band channels the likes of Ween, Wolf Parade, Vampire Weekend and Plot To Blow Up The Eiffel Tower in addition to their own personal touch, to make something altogether impressive. There's no video to attach, but do yourself a favor and download the album (name your own price, including free) immediately so you'll know the band everyone in Milwaukee is mentioning on their best of lists in December.

I gave it 607 high fives.

If you can't make it to Miller Park - Watch the game here
While Sea Horse Inn (2016 N. Clairemont Ave, Eau Claire - no website) isn't a sports bar, it is the only bar I can remember going to the one time I went to Eau Claire in my lifetime. I tend to ignore Western Wisconsin for this part of Homestander because I tend to ignore Western Wisconsin as a whole. If they have TVs, they're likely showing something that isn't baseball. If they have TVs and are showing baseball, it's probably the Twins. Doesn't matter.

This place gains points for being an underwater-themed karaoke bar off the highway that, seemingly, hasn't been renovated since 1965. The one time I went there, a friend and I sang KC and JoJo's "All my Life" to an absolutely empty bar. Even the bartender walked into a back room. All my life I've prayed for some place like this. And I thank god that I've finally found it.

Ad-monishment - Shaming commercials that deserve it
As much as I hate Cousins Subs food, I loathe their commercials even more.

If I ever have this much fun eating a sandwich, please place me on suicide watch.

@AWitrado. He is not good.

Have any ideas for any of these categories? Email tips to

In addition to contributing to Miller Park Drunk, Tyler Maas writes for Milwaukee Magazine, The A.V. Club Milwaukee and The A.V. Club Madison. When he isn't writing, he's holding down the Forward Fabrics shop. He wholeheartedly endorses Frank's Sauerkaut, Koops' Arizona Heat mustard and removing the DH from baseball altogether. Follow him on Twitter @TylerJamesMaas.

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