Miller Park South sucks

July 2nd, 2009

I love the Milwaukee Brewers, obviously, but for some reason the team seems to be obsessed with creating a "Miller Park South" environment at Wrigley Field whenever the Brewers go down to play the Cubs. To me, this makes absolutely no sense at all. First of all, why encourage people to spend money on tickets to go to Wrigley Field? For the price of ONE Cubs game a smart wrigleyfieldfan can probably go to two or three Brewers games. Second of all, Miller Park is an amazing place to watch baseball and it is a well built, safe, comfortable building. Why would you want to tarnish it's name by calling a dump like Wrigley Field the same name, only South? It does not make any sense.

I can hear you so-called baseball purists out there right now, "Wrigley Field is a magical place to watch a baseball game! and "Wrigley Field has a storied history, Babe Ruth played there!" To which I say, big freaking deal. Do you know what I like in a ballpark? The ability to pee, that's what. I like to go to the bathroom and not have to worry about missing three innings, having someone staring at my junk because we're so close our arms are interlocked, getting stage fright or being stuck at the end of the trough that some asshole puking in the toilet splashes his puke on my leg (all things that have happened to me at Wrigley Field, by the way). Do you know what I like in a ballpark? Not having concrete fall on my head, that's what. Oh there is a net protecting me from falling debris? That will save me, nevermind. Do you know what I like to run into when I go to a game? Short concession lines. Oh, and something actually good to eat. Can someone explain to me how the Cubs sell out every home game yet the pizza always tastes five days old? Is this a "Chicago thing"? Do people in Chicago like their Old Style cold, their sports teams terrible and their pizza tasting like it's five days old? I feel like there should be forensic scientists studying stuff like this. There is one more thing I like when I go to a baseball game, the ability to WATCH THE GAME. John Kruk has a better view of his feet than you have of the field from most seats in Wrigley Field, but don't listen to me I'll let a Cubs fan tell you:

What seats have obstructed view at Wrigley Field?

Most of them! Most of the seats in the 200 and 500 level have poles in your way. The 200 level is some of the worst seats in baseball.

(Tickets in the 200 level for tomorrow's game? Between $50-$200. Wrigley Field, ladies and gentleman!)

(In Wrigley Field's defense at least they have those TV screens so you can see what you missed from your obstructed seats. Wait, what? They don't!?)

Oh, but I am sure I am being too hard on Wrigley Field. I mean, you don't go to Wrigley Field to watch baseball, eat, pee, or drink. No, you go to Wrigley Field to EXPERIENCE it, to breathe in the history. That's what you do right? You want to be in the same place that Rogers Hornsby and Babe Ruth and Jody Davis once played in. You go there as much for the history of the park as anything else, but if we could let's be serious for a moment. What history? What history are you talking about?  The Cubs started playing in Wrigley Field in 1916. Since then they have played .491 ball, made 12 postseasons (which came 38 years apart at one point) and won exactly 0 World Series. History, schmistory.

If Cubs fans knew what was good for them they'd burn that place to the ground. And if the Brewers knew what was good for them, they'd stop with all this "Miller Park South" crap. If they want to create a truly memorable fan experience they will do whatever it takes to keep Brewers fans out of that pissbucket and inside Miller Park. Unless, of course, the memories they want to imprint on Brewers fans are those of urinary tract infections, diarrhea and 20 minutes of watching baseball combined with two and a half hours of waiting in line. I'm assuming they don't.

Trust me people, save your time and save your money. Stay the hell away from Wrigley Field.

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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14 comments on “Miller Park South sucks

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  3. Anonymous on said:

    wrigley is truly a dump and i am glad i pissed on its walls

  4. Anonymous on said:

    This article is so true. We got FREE tickets to the July 4th game. Which was great because the Brewers kicked ass, but Wrigley does suck. I have been there once, I have no need to go back. We realized that we have it pretty good at Miller Park. We had pretty decent seats, but I did miss two innings while trying to find an ATM and getting a soda. GO BREWERS!

  5. Anonymous on said:

    I just went to Wrigley for the first time…free tickets I might add…and I was totally unimpressed! Bud light….and OLD STYLE…GAG! Ball Park Franks….they sucked. Women’s bathrooms were very nasty…half of the doors wouldn’t latch. No jumbotron….wtf??? There were a lot of plays that I would have liked to see again.

    I will never call Wrigley the Miller Park of the South. There is no comparison….

    Give me my Miller Park anytime….

    Darlene, Wisconsin Rapids, WI

  6. Anonymous on said:

    No need to wait in line to piss all of Wrigley is a urinal. At least it smells that way. Wrigley and it’s fans deserve to be pissed on but please, PLEASE leave the Kruker alone. He is a legend and only has 1 ball.
    -Citizens Bank Park Drunk

  7. Anonymous on said:

    hey you damn Brewers assholes! keep your fucking mouths shut and cheer on a loser team in your nice ball park; we don’t need pussies like you at Wrigley! fuck your sheeps at home, ok? burn in hell bitches

  8. Anonymous on said:

    Nice #7, sheeps? I’m pretty sure we are known for cheese and cows fuckface, so fuck your cows would have been more original.. At least you called our park nice, great comeback to defend your shitty park.. And it’s not like you can talk about shitty teams, lets take a look at the NL Central standings before we talk, ok? Man, I remember my first beer, but that was stupid..

  9. Anonymous on said:

    “Miller Park South”… more originality from the Crew. “I gotta have my BIG SCREEN to watch baseball!” If it wasn’t for your hatred of the Cubs, you all would have nothing to cheer for! In a sense, the Cubs and their fans are truly your fathers. Seriously though, Miller Park has at least one great aspect: a seemingly perpetual lighting contrast for the pitchers and batters to enjoy. Hey… it’s a great scapegoat whenever the bats fall silent, isn’t it? For the record Miller Lite is just as shitty as any other light beer, you’re just too stupid and blind to realize that all light beer sucks the same.

  10. Anonymous on said:

    The only reason to ever go to a game there is to wave a big blue “L” flag in the smug-ass faces of the loser fans there after the Cubs lose.

  11. Anonymous on said:

    Miller Park South? Nice try douche. You can start calling Wrigley that the day brewer fans outnumber Cub fans at a game there. It happens the other way around all the time in Milwaukee… hence Wrigley Field North. Get it your moron?!?! If you can’t handle the piss troughs, then take your “stage fright” ass into a stall and sit like a woman, you woman!

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