Orlando Park To Be Named Later Drunk
The Brewers are moving to Orlando and I don't know about you guys, but I'm going with them. Think about it. Disney World! Universal Studios! Epcot Center! The Brewers! Throw in Wesley Snipes from Demolition Man a cute girl from my class and it's like my grade school wet dream. I am going to miss all of you, but I think myself and the team will be much happier there. Nice weather, good team, good location. How could this possibly go wrong?
FLASH FORWARD OPENING DAY 2012
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Gee Dad my first baseball game! I'm so excited! |
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Me too son. There is nothing quite like a father and son taking in a baseball game together. I am so happy the Brewers moved to Orlando and we can enjoy this time together in nice weather. |
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Are you sure we'll get tickets Dad? |
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Of course we will son. Back in Milwaukee they always sold tickets in designated "resale zones". There is no reason to think things won't be the same down here in Orlando. |
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Look Dad, that guy's selling something! It must be tickets! |
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Good find, son.
Excuse me sir. Would you happen to be selling an extra tickets to today's ball game? I have money. /pulls out money |
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Yo yo, put this shit down man. You tryin' to get us busted? What you need bro? |
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Can we get good seats dad? I want to sit really close to Ryan Braun! He's my hero! |
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I want the best you got. |
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The best? Shiiiiiit. You came to the right place my brother. I got some cocaine so fresh it just came off the boat, for real. I got some ecstasy that will.. |
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Oh my lord, you're a drug dealer! Son, this man is not selling tickets. Let's get out of here!
/walks briskly away |
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COME ON MAN! WHAT YOU NEED! METH!? HEROIN!? I GOT IT ALL!! COME BACK!!! |
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Dad, what's a bug dealer? |
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It's a man with bad tickets to the game son. Keep walking. |
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Didju say yall lookin fer sum tickets? |
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YESSIR! My dad's taking me to my first baseball game! |
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Baseball? Hell son dats bettah dan dat coons game dey be playin downtown. Shoulda named dat team Black Magic if ya ask me. |
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Do you have any tickets sir? |
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Not to da baseball game, but I gots sum tickets to tha greatest show of all. Heaven. Eternal life. Would y'all like to hear my testimony? |
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No, no thanks sir. We have to get to the baseball game. Come along son. |
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Well I can preciate dat. My pa useta take me to the game. Can y'all spare sum change? |
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I'm sorry, I can't. |
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LIAR! REPENT! |
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Jesus, what the hell is going on with this place? |
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Dad I'm hungry can we go to the game yet? |
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SHUT UP AND DRINK YOUR PEPSI SON! |
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Hey are you guys looking for tickets to the Brewers game? |
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NO LEAVE US ALONE! |
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Dad, he has tickets! |
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What? I'm sorry there's a lot of weirdos around here. |
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What do you expect? This is Florida. Let me get you some good tickets. How would you like to sit right behind the home dugout? First row? |
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GEE, THAT'D BE SWELL!! |
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Oh my god yes, we are definitely interested. How much? |
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Ten thousand dollars. |
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..... oh... well I.... |
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HAHAHA! I kid! You should have seen your face my friend! |
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Oh you! You really got me! How much are they really? |
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FIVE THOUSAND! HAHAHA! |
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HAHAHA! |
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No, the price is your son. I am taking your son and putting him to work for me as a slave. |
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HAHAHA! |
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I am not kidding.
/shoots guy with pistol |
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Dad? Are you sleeping? Why is there ketchup on your shirt? Dad? Daddy? |
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Your dad is going to take a nap now. He wanted me to take you to the game. Do you like popcorn? |
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DO I!!!! |
On second thought maybe we should all just stay in Milwaukee.
4 Responses to “Orlando Park To Be Named Later Drunk”
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gayest shit ever
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Pure awesome. I have spent a lot of time in Florida and you actually nailed it spot on.
You’ve perfectly captured the diversity of Florida. Kudos sir.