Orlando Park To Be Named Later Drunk

The Brewers are moving to Orlando and I don't know about you guys, but I'm going with them. Think about it. Disney World! Universal Studios! Epcot Center! The Brewers! Throw in Wesley Snipes from Demolition Man a cute girl from my class and it's like my grade school wet dream. I am going to miss all of you, but I think myself and the team will be much happier there. Nice weather, good team, good location. How could this possibly go wrong?

FLASH FORWARD OPENING DAY 2012

Gee Dad my first baseball game! I'm so excited!
Me too son. There is nothing quite like a father and son taking in a baseball game together. I am so happy the Brewers moved to Orlando and we can enjoy this time together in nice weather.
Are you sure we'll get tickets Dad?
Of course we will son. Back in Milwaukee they always sold tickets in designated "resale zones". There is no reason to think things won't be the same down here in Orlando.
Look Dad, that guy's selling something! It must be tickets!
Good find, son.

Excuse me sir. Would you happen to be selling an extra tickets to today's ball game? I have money.

/pulls out money

Yo yo, put this shit down man. You tryin' to get us busted? What you need bro?
Can we get good seats dad? I want to sit really close to Ryan Braun! He's my hero!
I want the best you got.
The best? Shiiiiiit. You came to the right place my brother. I got some cocaine so fresh it just came off the boat, for real. I got some ecstasy that will..
Oh my lord, you're a drug dealer! Son, this man is not selling tickets. Let's get out of here!

/walks briskly away

COME ON MAN! WHAT YOU NEED! METH!? HEROIN!? I GOT IT ALL!! COME BACK!!!
Dad, what's a bug dealer?
It's a man with bad tickets to the game son. Keep walking.
Didju say yall lookin fer sum tickets?
YESSIR! My dad's taking me to my first baseball game!
Baseball? Hell son dats bettah dan dat coons game dey be playin downtown. Shoulda named dat team Black Magic if ya ask me.
Do you have any tickets sir?
Not to da baseball game, but I gots sum tickets to tha greatest show of all. Heaven. Eternal life. Would y'all like to hear my testimony?
No, no thanks sir. We have to get to the baseball game. Come along son.
Well I can preciate dat. My pa useta take me to the game. Can y'all spare sum change?
I'm sorry, I can't.
LIAR! REPENT!
Jesus, what the hell is going on with this place?
Dad I'm hungry can we go to the game yet?
SHUT UP AND DRINK YOUR PEPSI SON!
Hey are you guys looking for tickets to the Brewers game?
NO LEAVE US ALONE!
Dad, he has tickets!
What? I'm sorry there's a lot of weirdos around here.
What do you expect? This is Florida. Let me get you some good tickets. How would you like to sit right behind the home dugout? First row?
GEE, THAT'D BE SWELL!!
Oh my god yes, we are definitely interested. How much?
Ten thousand dollars.
..... oh... well I....
HAHAHA! I kid! You should have seen your face my friend!
Oh you! You really got me! How much are they really?
FIVE THOUSAND! HAHAHA!
HAHAHA!
No, the price is your son. I am taking your son and putting him to work for me as a slave.
HAHAHA!
I am not kidding.

/shoots guy with pistol

Dad? Are you sleeping? Why is there ketchup on your shirt? Dad? Daddy?
Your dad is going to take a nap now. He wanted me to take you to the game. Do you like popcorn?
DO I!!!!

On second thought maybe we should all just stay in Milwaukee.

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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4 comments on “Orlando Park To Be Named Later Drunk

  1. Anonymous on said:

    gayest shit ever

  2. Pingback: Tweets that mention Miller Park Drunk ยป Orlando Park To Be Named Later Drunk -- Topsy.com

  3. Anonymous on said:

    Pure awesome. I have spent a lot of time in Florida and you actually nailed it spot on.

  4. Anonymous on said:

    You’ve perfectly captured the diversity of Florida. Kudos sir.

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