Last minute Halloween costumes

October 30th, 2009

It's Halloween, but you are far too cool to dress up. You're just going to sit home, drink some beer and watch game 3 of the World Series. You tell yourself that the reason for this is because you are somehow emotionally invested in this World Series, but the truth is you just don't have anything better to do. Then it happens. That cute boy or girl from work you've had your eye on invites you to a Halloween party at their apartment, but you have to wear a costume. Only problem is it's the day before, you don't have any money and you don't have any creativity. What are you going to do?

You're going to use one of our MPD Approved Halloween Costumes, that's what you're going to do.

For the Dudes

Cubs Fan

What you need: Cubs t-shirt (preferably of a player who is no longer on the team), protective ear muffs, hat is optional

How you need to act: Say completely asinine things about next year being "our" year and breaking the curse. Get shitfaced drunk and call any girl who won't hook up with you a slut. Basically, act like Chad.

Potential downsides: Real Cubs fans might get mad and cry about it.


Phillies Fan

What you need: No shirt, jeans (no khakis), gold chain is optional. Milk jug filled with riot juice.

How you need to act: To truly pull off this costume you need to drink half of the milk jug of riot juice (blue kool-aid + grain alcohol) and then just carry the rest around with you. You won't really need to "act" any kind of way after doing this. Say "WORLD FU&#%N SERIES!" every 15 to 20 minutes.

Potential downsides: Flipped over cars, fire, night in jail.


Bucks Fan

What you need: Andrew Bogut or Glenn Robinson jersey, garbage bag on head, old logo Bucks hat.

How you need to act: Sad, depressed.

Potential downsides: No friends, dying alone.


Brook Hundley

What you need: "BIG FUN" t-shirt, Mets hat, "I LOVE STEVE PHILLIPS" button on t-shirt.

How you need to act: Crazy. Walk up to your friends with girlfriends and say "I'm not some random girl he has sex with in parking lots, I'm actually a close friend who he works with on a frequent basis" and "I'm not lying! Steve has a big birthmark on his crotch right above his penis!"

Potential downsides: If Steve Phillips is at your party, he will have sex with you.

05_Video_Framegrabs - OCTOBER

Rodney Dangerfield's Nerd Son From Back to School

What you need: Nerd clothes.

How you need to act: Like a little punk who wants to ruin the party. "wah wah my dad is cooler than me! My best friend is so much cooler than me that I really don't know why he even hangs out with me! I just want to dive in my little shorts! The guy from Karate Kid is picking on me! My girlfriend is three feet taller than me and would never really go out with a midget like me in real life!" God, shut up. Why did we need him in this movie? He almost completely ruined one of Rodney Dangerfield's best movies.

Potential downsides: People asking you why you are dressed so gay.


Craig Counsell

What you need: Brewers shirt, walking cane, crossword puzzle

How you need to act: Fall asleep at random, call people "sonny", talk about "back in my day".

Potential downsides: Pretending to fall asleep can lead to actually falling asleep and therefore people drawing dicks on your face. People wondering why you have a walking cane when you look 13.


ALTERNATE IDEAS: Sasha Obama, Straight Zac Efron, 70s Burt Reynolds

For the Chicks

People always say there are only two real costumes for girls on Halloween, slutty nurse or slutty nun, but this isn't true. There are many different things you can put the world slutty in front of.

Slutty Ryan Braun

What you need: Remetee shirt cut down the middle.

How you need to act: Slutty.

Potential downsides: None.


Slutty Prince Fielder

What you need: Prince Fielder jersey unbuttoned and tied at the bottom

How you need to act: Slutty.

Potential downsides: None.


Slutty Lunch Lady

What you need: Lunch lady apron. Yellow gloves optional.

How you need to act: Slutty.

Potential downsides: None.


Slutty Cat

What you need: Latex cat suit. Ears optional.

How you need to act: Slutty.

Potential downsides: These costumes scare the hell out of me. I don't know what it is, but these costumes are just TMI (too many informations) for me. I wouldn't bang a chick in one of these with Tyler Maas' dick. RAWR!


ALTERNATE IDEAS: Slutty Bernie Madoff, Slutty Michael Jackson's Girlfriend From The Thriller Video Who Is Depressed By His Death, Slutty DirecTV installer

Got any better ideas? Leave them in the comments.

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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4 comments on “Last minute Halloween costumes

  1. Sara M on said:

    My friend and I had to throw together last minute costumes. We switched jerseys, so I went as Paul Konerko and she went as Manny Parra. I told her she had to wear her sad face all night, like she was going to cry, to make it authentic.

    Manny , look happy!
    /sad face

    Manny, look thoughtful!
    /sad face

    Manny, look intrigued!
    /sad face

    Manny, look sad!
    /sad face
    Yaaaaay Manny!

  2. cjger31 on said:

    Miller Park Drunk: The picture is NOT Jody Gerut. It looks like Gary Mathews Jr. Was he ever a Brewer?

  3. Pingback: Best of Miller Park Drunk 2009 | Miller Park Drunk

  4. Anonymous on said:

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