30
Jun 09

Brandon Jennings talks Brewers

brandon jenningsBrandon Jennings was the Milwaukee Bucks #1 pick in the NBA draft. He it a point guard who is known for being open. He used to have a twitter (before his management made him take it down) and has taken the time to do interviews with his rapper friends. Now, he takes the time to interview with us.

Miller Park Drunk: Who is your favorite Brewer?

Brandon Jennings: Who? Who else n*****?

MPD: Umm... I don't know, Braun maybe?

BJ: N****, get that bum-a** n**** outta here.

MPD: You were the Bucks first round pick, the Brewers first round pick was Eric Arnett. Have you met Eric?

BJ: That ain't nothing but a college person.

MPD: I heard that you were invited to throw out the first pitch at a Brewers game, but that didn't happen. Care to elaborate?

BJ: This is what happened right. My agent is like "Well, we ain't hear nothing.We ain't have no guarantee." So we makin' phone calls and s***.

MPD: But you didn't make it?

BJ: No, n****, I came out there and made my appearance n**** and I had the best appearance out of all them n******. And I was the best dressed, they said, by the way. I was the best dressed.

MPD: Prince Fielder is a big fan of yours.

BJ: That n**** tough, that n**** tough though. There must be a reason he liked me. There must be a reason.

MPD: How do you feel about the Brewers chances in the NL Central this year?

BJ: The other n***** are scared.

MPD: Any thoughts on the Manny Parra situation?

BJ: I know they were booing this n****.

MPD: Okay, one last question: what do you think of the Chicago Cubs?

BJ: Them n***** is always going to be weak.

Thanks a lot Brandon, I'm sure you and Andrew Bogut will get along fine!


29
Jun 09

Jeremy Jeffress was gonna pitch, but then he got high

high timesAs I am sure you have heard by now the (arguably) best pitching prospect in the Brewers system, Jeremy Jeffress was suspended for 100 games. He tested positive for marijuana for the second time in his career. Now, we can get into all the "smoking pot is not that bad!" stuff another time. The fact is that it's illegal to smoke pot and it's against baseball's rules to smoke pot and this guy smoked pot and got caught (twice). If he does it again and gets caught he will be banned from baseball for life. Fair? Probably not, but those are the rules and when you work in an industry where the starting paycheck is six figures you can probably stand to follow a few rules.

The best part of this whole deal, is Jeffress' manager who had the gall to say this:

"Jeremy is extremely remorseful for what happened and will be voluntarily checking himself into a rehab facility to deal with his problem," Kusnick said. "Jeremy is sick and needs help. We are here to support him in getting his life back. Right now, the most important thing is to help him get his life back, and baseball will take care of itself.

"He is sorry for letting everyone down who believes in him."

He can't possibly be serious can he? He knows we're talking about pot right? To quote Bob Saget in Half Baked "I used to suck dick for coke. Now that's an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?" You can't have a "problem" with marijuana, you can't be "sick and need help", people don't overdose on weed. If he wants to "get his life back" maybe he should just, you know, not smoke pot. That's all he has to do. There is no addiction to kick and he doesn't need rehab, he just has to put the bong down. That's it.

Unfortunately, I don't see him ever doing that. I've been around people who smoke pot my entire life. Know how many have quit? Zero. Guess what those kids getting high behind the dumpster at Burger King before a sixth grade dance are doing today? SMOKING POT! Guess what my mom is doing right now? The same thing she did when she was pregnant with me, SMOKING POT! Once you reach the point in your life when you are listening to a Phish album and think to yourself "hey, this is pretty good," you're done. It's over. You are going to smoke weed for the rest of your life. You don't care if it costs you jobs or relationships because smoking weed is fun and it makes watching professional wrestling THAT MUCH COOLER.

So don't give me that "Jeffress has a problem" crap, the only problem that Jeffress has is that he's an idiot who doesn't know how to use a Whizzinator or the internet.


26
Jun 09

Miller Park Drunk Silver Lining: Casey McGehee

The Brewers haven't been playing that good lately and it's hard to get excited about the team. Maybe the games on TV don't feel as "can't miss" as they used to, maybe you aren't in as big of a rush to leave the parking lot as you normally are or maybe you don't update your popular blog as much as you normally do. Try and remember, there are good things going on with this team even if they aren't winning.

We got Casey McGehee from the Cubs, for nothing. Nothing. He is currently hitting .344 with a .925 OPS. That's good. Do you think the Cubs miss him? Do we like having him? That's an excellent silver lining right there. Casey McGehee being a Brewer helps us and hurts the Cubs, that's awesome. Know what else is awesome? These FUN FACTS about Casey McGehee.

  • Casey McGehee went to Fresno State. Other famous Fresno State alums include Pauly Shore, former Rams coach Mike Martz and Skip-2-my-lou Rafer Alston.
    pauly
  • Casey's birthday is October 12th. Other notable people born on October 12th: Hugh Jackman and Kirk Cameron.kirk-cameron
  • Casey isn't that bad at defense either.
  • Despite being older than him, Craig Counsell is his son.
  • Casey is not exactly what you might call "buff" or "in shape", which always makes you like a player a bit more. There's just something about a player that would easily beat you in a wing eating contest.
    casey
  • He's not Bill Hall. Bill Hall is currently hitting below .200. Yikes.
  • He's cheap: Casey is still under team control and won't take up much payroll for the next few years.
  • Casey McGehee can sneeze with his eyes open.

I like the guy!


24
Jun 09

Cliff Lee says please for the love of god do not trade for me

It seems that these trade candidates can't stop talking about the Brewers. Jarrod Washburn, Doug Davis and Erik Bedard all made their case. Now, Cliff Lee wants a chance to talk.

Cliff Lee

Last season I had the best season of my entire career. I led the league in wins, ERA, ERA+ and won the Cy Young award. My ERA was 2.54. I was pretty lights out, but honestly I was pitching out of my mind.

Last year the Brewers were pretty good and they made a trade for my teammates CC Sabathia. After becoming a Brewer he pitched even better than I did last season posting a 1.65 ERA. He was basically the greatest pitcher in the history of all time (as a Brewer) last season.

With those things in mind I just want to ask you one favor: Please, for the love of GOD, don't trade for me. Seriously, don't. Please, please, please, please don't.

If I was a Brewer everyone would immediately expect me to perform like CC did last year. I can't do it. I can't throw 7 complete games and 3 shutouts in only 17 starts. Are you nuts? That's insane! Who could do that? Did you know that two seasons ago I got sent down to the minors? I was 28 years old! What kind of 28 year old gets sent down to the minors? A bad one, that's who. Trust me, I'm damaged goods. I don't even have a cool sounding name. Cliff Lee, that name sounds like an alcoholic furniture salesman. God, my name is so lame. You won't even be able to come up with clever signs, "Cliff Lee ya later"? STUPID! I am so lame.

Look, I want to show you something.

cliff lee's family

That's my family right there. (Yes, that's my wife. Yes, I know she looks 14. Yes, I named my son Jaxon. No, I don't have a good excuse at to why.) Look at those kids. Cute, right? You want them to have a good life don't you? I'm going to be a free agent soon. My next contract is likely going to be my last contract. My last shot to make the kind of money that they never have to worry about anything again. If I go to the Brewers, it could all fall apart. I could crack under the pressure and end up a non-roster invitee to the Pirates. Do you think those kids want to live in Pittsburgh? Nobody does. Give these kids a chance at a better life and don't trade for me. You won't regret it. I suck. It's like my manager Eric Wedge always says "I coached CC Sabathia, I knew CC Sabathia. CC Sabathia was a friend of mine and you sir are no CC Sabathia." You don't want me, you want him and I can't be him. So let's just forget this whole thing, okay?

It's not like you guys could afford me anyways.


22
Jun 09

Doug Davis wants another chance

First Erik Bedard chimed in. Then Jarrod Washburn. Now Doug Davis makes his case to be a Brewer.

doug davis

Hey guys, remember me!? Man, has it been a long time or what? Huh? What do you mean you don't remember me? I pitched three seasons in Milwaukee! I went 37-36 over parts of four seasons. Man, the stuff Sheets and I used to get into. He's still around right? Oh, well I'm sorry to here that.

You remember me though right? The tuna fish guy? Big tuna?? YEAH! THAT WAS ME! I KNOW RIGHT!

Look, I'm gonna cut straight to the chase with you. I want to be a Brewer. Arizona sucks. It's hot, it's hot and boy is it hot. Seriously, it's so hot down here cows are giving off evaporated milk! The other day I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking, that's how hot it is down here. I miss that Milwaukee weather. This Phoenix weather is so damn hot that I saw two fire hydrants fighting over a dog!  It's so hot the Kool-Aid Man had a heatsroke!

Seriously though, pitching for the Brewers game would be a great opportunity for me and I would love to help the team return to the postseason. It would also be great to know what the temperature is because my thermometer only goes to 120 down here!

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