02
Jul 09

Miller Park South sucks

I love the Milwaukee Brewers, obviously, but for some reason the team seems to be obsessed with creating a "Miller Park South" environment at Wrigley Field whenever the Brewers go down to play the Cubs. To me, this makes absolutely no sense at all. First of all, why encourage people to spend money on tickets to go to Wrigley Field? For the price of ONE Cubs game a smart wrigleyfieldfan can probably go to two or three Brewers games. Second of all, Miller Park is an amazing place to watch baseball and it is a well built, safe, comfortable building. Why would you want to tarnish it's name by calling a dump like Wrigley Field the same name, only South? It does not make any sense.

I can hear you so-called baseball purists out there right now, "Wrigley Field is a magical place to watch a baseball game! and "Wrigley Field has a storied history, Babe Ruth played there!" To which I say, big freaking deal. Do you know what I like in a ballpark? The ability to pee, that's what. I like to go to the bathroom and not have to worry about missing three innings, having someone staring at my junk because we're so close our arms are interlocked, getting stage fright or being stuck at the end of the trough that some asshole puking in the toilet splashes his puke on my leg (all things that have happened to me at Wrigley Field, by the way). Do you know what I like in a ballpark? Not having concrete fall on my head, that's what. Oh there is a net protecting me from falling debris? That will save me, nevermind. Do you know what I like to run into when I go to a game? Short concession lines. Oh, and something actually good to eat. Can someone explain to me how the Cubs sell out every home game yet the pizza always tastes five days old? Is this a "Chicago thing"? Do people in Chicago like their Old Style cold, their sports teams terrible and their pizza tasting like it's five days old? I feel like there should be forensic scientists studying stuff like this. There is one more thing I like when I go to a baseball game, the ability to WATCH THE GAME. John Kruk has a better view of his feet than you have of the field from most seats in Wrigley Field, but don't listen to me I'll let a Cubs fan tell you:

What seats have obstructed view at Wrigley Field?

Most of them! Most of the seats in the 200 and 500 level have poles in your way. The 200 level is some of the worst seats in baseball.

(Tickets in the 200 level for tomorrow's game? Between $50-$200. Wrigley Field, ladies and gentleman!)

(In Wrigley Field's defense at least they have those TV screens so you can see what you missed from your obstructed seats. Wait, what? They don't!?)

Oh, but I am sure I am being too hard on Wrigley Field. I mean, you don't go to Wrigley Field to watch baseball, eat, pee, or drink. No, you go to Wrigley Field to EXPERIENCE it, to breathe in the history. That's what you do right? You want to be in the same place that Rogers Hornsby and Babe Ruth and Jody Davis once played in. You go there as much for the history of the park as anything else, but if we could let's be serious for a moment. What history? What history are you talking about?  The Cubs started playing in Wrigley Field in 1916. Since then they have played .491 ball, made 12 postseasons (which came 38 years apart at one point) and won exactly 0 World Series. History, schmistory.

If Cubs fans knew what was good for them they'd burn that place to the ground. And if the Brewers knew what was good for them, they'd stop with all this "Miller Park South" crap. If they want to create a truly memorable fan experience they will do whatever it takes to keep Brewers fans out of that pissbucket and inside Miller Park. Unless, of course, the memories they want to imprint on Brewers fans are those of urinary tract infections, diarrhea and 20 minutes of watching baseball combined with two and a half hours of waiting in line. I'm assuming they don't.

Trust me people, save your time and save your money. Stay the hell away from Wrigley Field.


02
Jul 09

It Takes Two

Brewers Yost Baseball

I wanna trade right now
I'm Doug Melv and I came to get down
I'm not internationally known,
but I'm known to rock the trade phones
Because I get stoopid, I mean outrageous
Stay away from me, if you want Gamel
Cause I'm the winner, no, I'm not the loser
To be a G.M., is what I choose a'
Players love me, fans adore me
Even the ones that never saw me
Like the way that I traded for King
The reason why? Man, I don't know
So, let's go cause

mark a

It takes two to make a trade go down,
It takes two to make it outta sight


30
Jun 09

Brandon Jennings talks Brewers

brandon jenningsBrandon Jennings was the Milwaukee Bucks #1 pick in the NBA draft. He it a point guard who is known for being open. He used to have a twitter (before his management made him take it down) and has taken the time to do interviews with his rapper friends. Now, he takes the time to interview with us.

Miller Park Drunk: Who is your favorite Brewer?

Brandon Jennings: Who? Who else n*****?

MPD: Umm... I don't know, Braun maybe?

BJ: N****, get that bum-a** n**** outta here.

MPD: You were the Bucks first round pick, the Brewers first round pick was Eric Arnett. Have you met Eric?

BJ: That ain't nothing but a college person.

MPD: I heard that you were invited to throw out the first pitch at a Brewers game, but that didn't happen. Care to elaborate?

BJ: This is what happened right. My agent is like "Well, we ain't hear nothing.We ain't have no guarantee." So we makin' phone calls and s***.

MPD: But you didn't make it?

BJ: No, n****, I came out there and made my appearance n**** and I had the best appearance out of all them n******. And I was the best dressed, they said, by the way. I was the best dressed.

MPD: Prince Fielder is a big fan of yours.

BJ: That n**** tough, that n**** tough though. There must be a reason he liked me. There must be a reason.

MPD: How do you feel about the Brewers chances in the NL Central this year?

BJ: The other n***** are scared.

MPD: Any thoughts on the Manny Parra situation?

BJ: I know they were booing this n****.

MPD: Okay, one last question: what do you think of the Chicago Cubs?

BJ: Them n***** is always going to be weak.

Thanks a lot Brandon, I'm sure you and Andrew Bogut will get along fine!


29
Jun 09

Jeremy Jeffress was gonna pitch, but then he got high

high timesAs I am sure you have heard by now the (arguably) best pitching prospect in the Brewers system, Jeremy Jeffress was suspended for 100 games. He tested positive for marijuana for the second time in his career. Now, we can get into all the "smoking pot is not that bad!" stuff another time. The fact is that it's illegal to smoke pot and it's against baseball's rules to smoke pot and this guy smoked pot and got caught (twice). If he does it again and gets caught he will be banned from baseball for life. Fair? Probably not, but those are the rules and when you work in an industry where the starting paycheck is six figures you can probably stand to follow a few rules.

The best part of this whole deal, is Jeffress' manager who had the gall to say this:

"Jeremy is extremely remorseful for what happened and will be voluntarily checking himself into a rehab facility to deal with his problem," Kusnick said. "Jeremy is sick and needs help. We are here to support him in getting his life back. Right now, the most important thing is to help him get his life back, and baseball will take care of itself.

"He is sorry for letting everyone down who believes in him."

He can't possibly be serious can he? He knows we're talking about pot right? To quote Bob Saget in Half Baked "I used to suck dick for coke. Now that's an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?" You can't have a "problem" with marijuana, you can't be "sick and need help", people don't overdose on weed. If he wants to "get his life back" maybe he should just, you know, not smoke pot. That's all he has to do. There is no addiction to kick and he doesn't need rehab, he just has to put the bong down. That's it.

Unfortunately, I don't see him ever doing that. I've been around people who smoke pot my entire life. Know how many have quit? Zero. Guess what those kids getting high behind the dumpster at Burger King before a sixth grade dance are doing today? SMOKING POT! Guess what my mom is doing right now? The same thing she did when she was pregnant with me, SMOKING POT! Once you reach the point in your life when you are listening to a Phish album and think to yourself "hey, this is pretty good," you're done. It's over. You are going to smoke weed for the rest of your life. You don't care if it costs you jobs or relationships because smoking weed is fun and it makes watching professional wrestling THAT MUCH COOLER.

So don't give me that "Jeffress has a problem" crap, the only problem that Jeffress has is that he's an idiot who doesn't know how to use a Whizzinator or the internet.


26
Jun 09

Miller Park Drunk Silver Lining: Casey McGehee

The Brewers haven't been playing that good lately and it's hard to get excited about the team. Maybe the games on TV don't feel as "can't miss" as they used to, maybe you aren't in as big of a rush to leave the parking lot as you normally are or maybe you don't update your popular blog as much as you normally do. Try and remember, there are good things going on with this team even if they aren't winning.

We got Casey McGehee from the Cubs, for nothing. Nothing. He is currently hitting .344 with a .925 OPS. That's good. Do you think the Cubs miss him? Do we like having him? That's an excellent silver lining right there. Casey McGehee being a Brewer helps us and hurts the Cubs, that's awesome. Know what else is awesome? These FUN FACTS about Casey McGehee.

  • Casey McGehee went to Fresno State. Other famous Fresno State alums include Pauly Shore, former Rams coach Mike Martz and Skip-2-my-lou Rafer Alston.
    pauly
  • Casey's birthday is October 12th. Other notable people born on October 12th: Hugh Jackman and Kirk Cameron.kirk-cameron
  • Casey isn't that bad at defense either.
  • Despite being older than him, Craig Counsell is his son.
  • Casey is not exactly what you might call "buff" or "in shape", which always makes you like a player a bit more. There's just something about a player that would easily beat you in a wing eating contest.
    casey
  • He's not Bill Hall. Bill Hall is currently hitting below .200. Yikes.
  • He's cheap: Casey is still under team control and won't take up much payroll for the next few years.
  • Casey McGehee can sneeze with his eyes open.

I like the guy!

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