The blog world is abuzz with news of a racist Carlos Zambrano shirt. Personally, I find the "Cardinals take it in their Poo-holes" far more offensive. Couldn't they just put Pujols? Do they really think people wouldn't get it unless they added the words "poo" and "holes"? Or what about those Fukudome shirts that said "Horry Kow"? That's pretty racist (like Breakfast at Tiffany's racist.)
Honestly, I don't care. If dumbass people want to wear dumbass shirts, I say let them. Go right ahead and wear your douchebaggery on your sleeve. It makes me look better. As for the t-shirt manufacturers, is that really the most racist you could do? If you're going to go for it, GO FOR IT. Here's ten Carlos Zambrano t-shirt ideas that are much more racist than Zambrano Mows My Lawn.
10. Zambrano did my roof.
9. 4 home runs. 20 kids.
8. Zambrano came to this country on a boat.
7. Zambrano picks good lettuce.
6. Bigger Miracle: Cubs winning the World Series or Zambrano taking a shower?
5. Zambrano only eats tacos for dinner.
4. I keyed Zambrano's low rider.
3. Zambrano: Drunk since 2001.
2. Zambrano's mom is my maid.
1. Carlos Zambrano: World's Tallest Mexican
You see, it's funny because he's Venezuelan.
I've known Mike Cameron since before he was ever a Brewer, before Miller Park existed. Well, not known him known him, but I have been a fan of his work for quite some time. He was the key to the trade that sent Ken Griffey to Cincinatti and I lived in Seattle at that time so we became well acquainted. His defense in Center Field was the best I've ever seen. He struck out a lot, but when he made contact it went a long way and when he got on base he could steal. Basically, if Ichiro never existed he would be my favorite player and right now he is my favorite Brewer. Now? He's the same player with a slight dropoff in defense.
Now I've let my love for Rickie Weeks be known around these parts, but that's mostly because I hate people saying he sucks when he so clearly doesn't. With Mike Cameron I truly like the guy and want him to succeed. I will argue his value to my death. To me he is THE most important guy to this team's success and it might not even have anything to do with how he plays. Take yesterday's game for example. Prince hit a homerun and Mike Cameron gave him a choreographed high-five. Then Mike Cameron hit a homerun and he gave Rickie Weeks a different choreographed high-five. The more I watch the Brewers (and you notice this after wins) I see Mike Cameron do a different high-five for every player on the team. I even saw him give Ken Macha (!) the up-down high-five. Mike Cameron is without a doubt the glue that binds this team together. When CC Sabathia was around he called Mike Cameron a friend. Do you know why? Because Mike Cameron is EVERYONE'S friend. He is probably the coolest guy in all of Major League Baseball and everyone should be glad he is on our team. You know the stories about how the Brewers truly like eachother? That's got Mike Cameron's fingerprints all over it. He's a good guy and he's a winner.
The reason I am bringing this up is not to sing his praises from the mountain tops. It's to prepare you for what might happen. You see Mike Cameron has never hit higher than .273 in a season and he's only hit above .260 in 4 out of his 11 seasons. Right now he's hitting .321 and as much as we'd all like it to be true, 36 is not the season you suddenly learn to hit .300. It's just not. So there is going to be a dropoff and there will probably be a slump at some point. At some point this season you may say to yourself that Mike Cameron sucks and I just want you to know that I will have none of it. Mike Cameron does not suck. He is who he is. He's a plus defender, with above average power and speed. He is good, but he is not this good. He will decline this season and that will be okay because he will still be Mike Cameron and Mike Cameron is still the most valuable guy in the locker room that this team has.
So remember those rules of booing? This is #1 on mine: Never, ever boo Mike Cameron.
Let's do things a little differently today. I am going to show you a few pictures and you can decide for yourself how you feel about them. Then when we are done with that, I am going to tell you exactly how I feel about them. Sound good? Good.
(Thanks to StB08 on Twitter)
Now, taken one at a time these people could be considered funny, cool or at the very least creative. I give them kudos for their creativity and enthusiasm. However, I seriously doubt their intentions. When you are dressing up like this, you aren't going to the game to watch the team play. You are going to the game to get attention. Of course these people want the Brewers to win the game, but what REALLY makes them happy is for people to give them high-fives and say "Oh man, I love your costume." And you know what? I am not going to do it. I am not going to give them the adulation they so desperately seek. They are attention whores. Plain and simple. The only attention whores I like are the ones who double as regular whores too.
Every single series I go to I end up seeing more and more of these people. They multiply like someone poured water on Gizmo's back. I'm not saying I want to live in a world where these people don't exist. Like my mom used to tell me, every family needs a big, fat, stupid idiot. The thing is there are far too many of these people out there right now and if someone doesn't say something now this may spin out of control. To the point where every game starts to look more like a costume party at Elton John's condo than a baseball game.
So here I am saying it: cut it out. You hear me guys in the gorilla outfits? That can't be comfortable and this isn't a freaking Phoenix Suns game. You hear me banana guy? I honestly don't even understand what you are going for there. You hear me rabbit head? (Actually, you probably don't. That head looks pretty thick.) This is a BASEBALL game, you are here to watch BASEBALL. Save your furry fantasies for the bedroom. I swear to you that you can have fun at this place without dressing like that. SO STOP IT.
(None of the above applies to shave stuff in your chest guy. Don't ever change my friend.)
I'll tell you what, it's pretty hard to find stuff to write about when the team you write about goes 8-2 in it's last ten games and doesn't show any sign of stopping. (Hangovers also don't help.) Should be a fun weekend of baseball as the team couldn't look better and Miller Park will be close to full all three games. Exciting times. Now I'm no math genius, but I'm pretty sure the Brewers are currently on pace for 87 wins which puts them right in the thick of things come September. It's early and all, but this isn't the drop off people were predicting and there is definitely room to grow (like if Tiger Beat Hardy could remember how to hit.) Anyways, have fun out there this weekend, we'll be back Monday. Go Crew.
Oh, I guess you also want to know who the winner of the contest for the free tickets to the 5/13 game against the Florida Marlins is. Well congratulations go out to Kari O'neil of Wisconsin. As the winner of this contest you win the two tickets and if you would like the free space to complain/whine/brag/celebrate or whatever about anything you'd like right here on the site. As long as it's Brewers related. I don't want to hear about how big of an asshole your ex-boyfriend was (unless, of course, your ex-boyfriend is JJ Hardy in which case I want to sign you to a book deal.) You may also get the pleasure of sharing a drink with me at this game, although that perk is TBA at the moment.
Thanks to everyone who became a fan or follows us on Twitter. We'll keep bringing the fun as long as you keep reading it.