SUNDAY FUNDAY: More Songs About Brewers And Yuni

by Vince Morales on October 12th, 2014

YunieBHuggingI've been holding this one in my back pocket until former Brewers pop-up machine Yuniesky Betancourt tricked another team into signing him or, worse yet, was taken back by the Brewers. Fortunately, the Phillies fell victim to the veteran middle infielder's cherubic Cuban charm, inking him to a minor league deal to serve as an insurance policy for the empty shells which once encased Jimmy Rollins and Chase Utley.

Anyway, we're getting dangerously close to becoming "The Best Phillies Blog In The World" too, so I'll just get to the original point of this post. A few weeks ago, my pal and former Right Field Bleachers cohort, Jared, alerted me to a little musical number called "The Best Song Ever Written About Yuniesky Betancourt" he found on MySpace. Anxious to see if the lofty claim was true, I didn't even remember to make fun of Jared for using MySpace.

Written and performed by a band called "Green Bay" (but with the Green Day font and baffling use of skulls as cover art), the two-minute song manages to be both the best song about Yuniesky Betancourt AND the worst song about anything ever. Essentially, it's just 120 seconds of some dude dicking around on a piano and mispronouncing Yunie's name. It's pretty rough, and I should know. I'm the official expert on this song. As I write this, the song has only been played four times... three of which are by me. It was uploaded Sept. 9, 2011... when Betancourt was in his final month or so with Milwaukee, for reasons unknown.

The band's catalog is a treasure trove of cringe-inducing goodness. Each song is like two minutes long and none have more than 15 plays. Some of what awaits you...
"Shaun Marcum Wins Lots Of Games"
"Oh oh oh Shaun Marcum. He's a very good pitcher for the Brewers. No on can stop-a Shaun Marcum. He can not be stopped. Shaun Marcum is playing for the Brewers. He's winnin' lots of games for the Brewers. Nobody can hit Shaun Marcum because he pitches with such precision."

I'm as big of a Marcum apologist as you'll ever meet and I disagree with most of that. The accompaniment of a keyboard on accordion setting saves the whole thing, though.

"Jonathan Lucroy (Oh Joy! Oh Boy!)"
Actually pretty amazing. I mean, it's amazing he found two other people to harmonize with for the chorus. Otherwise, this one's predictably bad too.

"Corey Hart Has Heart"
I like how this on makes reference to how Corey Hart's last name (Hart) sounds like the word "heart" and that Corey Hart has heart and that he plays on the Milwaukee Brewers. I counted "Corey Hart has heart" being sang or spoken 25 total times in 1:27. The best part is when the lead singer says "sing it boys!" and the other vocalist is also him.

"Casey McGehee is a Fine Man"
Though awful as well, this 1:21 nightmare starts off innocently enough: jangling piano, a throaty off-key howl butchers McGehee's last name, that same voice reminds us that Casey was a Brewers player when this song was written. But Green Bay quickly takes artistic liberty by making a bunch of unsupported claims. Such outrageous statements include:

You! Up there! Get your fine ass down to the Mayor's Office.

You! Up there! Get your fine ass down to the Mayor's Office.

- Casey finds a way to get on base.
- If he ran for mayor of Milwaukee, he'd be voted in to lead the city (don't bring politics into something already flawed enough).
- Every girl in Wisconsin loves [him] and goes crazy for [him]. They all love [him] and [he] gets the pick of whichever one is most pretty. (Aside from the creepy visual, I'm pretty sure Kevin Mench had more pull in his time with the Brewers)
- He's a good player. (who was traded for Jose Veras and nobody cared, especially the ladies)

"John Axford, The Man With The Moustache"
"Who's gonna get the save? The man who doesn't shave. The man who is so brave. John Axford. Axford, the man who pitches real fast. Axford, the man with the moustache."

Oh great, now I'm sterile.

"Ryan Braun Is The Real Deal!"
That seals it. Ready the Braun bust for Cooperstown. One part that gets me is the lyrics "All the other players kind of make me yawn, but not future Hall Of Famer Ryan Braun." Doesn't any player with talent that's Casey McGehee-level or higher make this guy shoot and influence the way he votes? Or did I vastly underestimate how bad this guy wanted to bone Casey McGehee?

BONUS NON-BREWERS SONG
"Why Did They Trade Richard Jefferson?"
To get expiring contracts. Revisionist history aside, that motive seemed obvious when the trade was made.

Based on the songs about Trevor Hoffman, wanting Favre to stay in Green Bay, Jason Kendall and one called "Bill Hall's Gonna Be Good Again!", it's seems like the musicians (or people who own instruments, rather) behind Green Bay called it quits in late 2011... unless their dropping acid in a crawl space somewhere, hard at work writing a double-LP concept album about how Ekpe Udoh is a good player and that he is on the Bucks.

They say all good things must come to an end. I suppose that's also true for terrible, embarrassing, boner-demolishing things. We'll always have "The Best Song Ever Written About Yuniesky Betancourt" -- the fittingly dreadful and error-riddled audio reminder of the starting shortstop for a Brewers team that we'll never forget.

This post was written by Tyler Maas. Find him now at Milwaukee Record.

STEPBACK SATURDAY: When Vince and Tyler Went Gay (Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That)

by Vince Morales on October 11th, 2014

I have a question for the male readers of the site. Have you ever been pondering the offseason moves of the Brewers and thought to yourself "I am glad they re-signed Craig Counsell, he's kinda hot"? I mean, everyone has had that conversation with a friend that starts like "I know you're not gay, but..." and you immediately yell out "DONNIE FROM NEW KIDS!", right? And then after having that conversation you continue on to "Okay I know you are totally straight and stuff, but which Brewers player would you have sex with if you had to?" No? You've never had that conversation with one of your buddies? Not even once? Really? Well, I guess I'll just have to tell you about it then because Tyler and I have had that conversation many, many times and we'd like to share one with you. Why? Because we are so totally okay with our sexuality that we don't care who reads it! We don't care if the guys we are writing about making sweet love to us read it, we want them to! So, like, forward this to them. Please.

Vince: Hey Tyler, I've got a question for you that's been bothering me for awhile and I want your opinion on it. If you had to have sex with a member of the Milwaukee Brewers, who would it be? Read the rest of this entry »

FLASHBACK FRIDAY: When The Hunger Games Came To MPD

by Vince Morales on October 10th, 2014

Much like everyone else in the world I recently read Suzanne Collins' hit novel The Hunger Games. It was a pretty good read, quite the page turner actually, and I am excited to see the movie. (Woody Harrelson as Haymitch and Lenny Kravitz as Cinna is seriously inspired casting. And I'd like to give Jennifer Lawrence a Winter's Bone. #ifyouknowwhatimean) The ending left a little bit to be desired, but whatever. I'll probably read the sequels. Katniss is a badass, yo.

Now you may be wondering why I am talking about a YA novel that is soon to be a major motion picture on a Milwaukee Brewers blog. Shouldn't we be talking about spring training or something? Well, first of all I'd like to ask: is this your first time reading this site? Just be happy we're not writing about outfits. Second of all, spring training is borrrriiiiinnnnnggggggg. Thirdly, the book got me thinking about the Milwaukee Brewers and their own killing tendencies.

You see in The Hunger Games there is a tournament with 24 entrants and they must all fight to the death in order to win. The Milwaukee Brewers have 25 roster spots. 25 and 24 are only one number apart! The Hunger Games is filled with a bunch of people with weird names (Katniss, Peeta, Cinna) and so are the Brewers (Norichika, Yovani, "Ryan".) Baseball is a sport and The Hunger Games is like a sporting event. The parallels between this book and the Brewers are endless! (Okay maybe not, but roll with me here.) There are so many similarities between these two things that the question needs to be asked: Who would win the Hunger Games if it only consisted of players on the Brewers 25 man roster? Let's find out. Read the rest of this entry »

THROWBACK THURSDAY: When Animals Hated Trevor Hoffman

by Vince Morales on October 9th, 2014

I think the last remaining member of the "Trevor Hoffman is just having a slow start" bandwagon fell off yesterday and now we can all finally accept that Trevor Hoffman is done as a closer. He doesn't have it. He throws right down the middle and he doesn't fool anyone. Is there a person in the world that was honestly surprised that Glaus hit that homerun? I didn't think so. Yesterday should be Trevor Hoffman's last chance to be the Brewers closer and he shouldn't get a chance to hit 600, at least with the Brewers. Sorry, guy. It's been a nice career, but it's over. How do I know? Because at this point, even the animal kingdom hates him and animals are stupid. If they hate you, you must really suck.

Read the rest of this entry »

WAYBACK WEDNESDAY: When John Hughes Died

by Vince Morales on October 8th, 2014

ferrisJohn Hughes died. This affected me because I am about that age that this sort of thing would matter to me. Considering most of the Brewers are around my age or younger (a fact that depresses me to no end) I figure this has probably affected them too. After the jump it's a mishmash of Brewer reactions to John Hughes' death in one of the most unorganized posts in Miller Park Drunk history. I think you guys will like it. I mean, I consider you guys my friends. I'm not wrong am I? Read the rest of this entry »

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