19
Jun 14

The Endless Road Of Ryan Braun Hate

ATENCION: Miller Park Drunk is throwing a tailgate party. No, Miller Park Drunk is throwing the BEST TAILGATE PARTY in the WORLD. It's on Sunday July 27th and you can buy tickets. It will be amazing and you don't want to miss it. Click here for more info.

I thought we were over this, you know? Ryan Braun, he of the 18 missed games and "paltry" .837 OPS, was supposed to be over being the most hated man in baseball. It was a long time ago in the 24/7 news cycle/twitter age and he isn't the best hitter in baseball anymore. Heck, he's not even the best hitter on his own team anymore. People should really find something else to obsess over.

But not Kirk Gibson. Nope. The manager of the Arizona Diamondbacks still remembers 2011, when he was relevant and Braun was using PEDs to hit .500 when the Brewers eliminated the Diamondbacks. He won't forget that. That was his time to shine and Ryan Braun's drug use took that away. Or something. Who knows? All I know is that Kirk Gibson ordered the code red:

And it started up a bunch of this stuff: Continue reading →


04
Jun 14

9 Totally True Milwaukee Brewers Stories That Will Literally Blow Your Mind (For Real!)

Warning: These Brewers facts may change everything you know about reality. Continue reading →


30
May 14

Ron Roenicke: A Life of Dumb Luck

roenicke-dumbIn case you missed it the other night, the Brewers won a game in which they used a pitcher to pinch hit in the tenth inning. Despite all of the factors involved and the success of the move, it was not ideal baseball strategy. Which probably shouldn't come as a surprise to you because it was executed by Ron Roenicke. Whether he has been calling in pitchers who aren't warmed up, running out of pinch hitters or not really having a basic understanding of how best to use the replay system, Ron Roenicke has proven that he isn't always the sharpest tool in the drawer. Yet for what seems like the hundredth time, everything worked out. Why?

Ron Roenicke is a baseball lifer, basically. He was a college baseball player who was drafted in the first round (!) of the 1977 draft who then went on to play for six different teams in his eight year career. Once that was done he got into managing which led him all the way to Milwaukee. Now I know what you're thinking, "Wait, how can a guy with 17 years of professional baseball experience be so bad at his job?" The answer is demon magic. Just kidding, it's dumb luck. Ron Roenicke's entire career is dumb luck. Continue reading →


16
May 14

Carlos Gomez: A Guide to Rich People Conversations

The Brewers have made the cover of Sports Illustrated. If this was 1985 that would probably be the biggest story on the internet (until people figured out you could search for the nude scene from Just One Of The Guys), but still, it's pretty cool, right? The story itself focuses on the Brewers success and Carlos Gomez's place in that success. And then somehow it leads to this:

gomez-si

(h/t @wiscoinferno / TBL)

gomez-richfamousIt seems as if Carlos Gomez would like to be a part of polite society. Forget pork and beans, he wants to wine and dine with kings and queens. He wants to grab a wine glass and wave his pinkie finger in the air like he doesn't care. Here at Miller Park Drunk we admire Carlos Gomez's ambitions and want to help him take that next step into the lifestyle of the rich and famous. That's why we've put together this helpful list of rich people conversations that Carlos Gomez can take to his next dinner party. Continue reading →


08
May 14

Scooter’s gonna Scooter, but remember Rickie Weeks?

Outside of Carlos Gomez and Jonathan Lucroy, the Brewers most consistent (healthy) hitter has been Scooter Gennett. GOOD ON YOU SCOOTER! YOU DID IT! WAY TO PROVE THOSE DOUBTERS WRONG! LITTLE GUY DONE GOOD! HUMAN HANK!

Only it's not really a compliment because the Brewers offense kinda sucks right now and his solid .283 batting average is somewhat negated by his .319 OBP and .398 SLG. His 4.9 walk percentage is pretty dang low and he doesn't hit for much power. Basically, the dude hits a bunch of singles and if he doesn't do that he probably isn't doing much. He is a solid baseball player and one that the Brewers are lucky to have to plug into this sorry ass lineup, but that is all he is. He reminds me of my teenage self, he's lucky to get to second base. He isn't a key to your lineup. He isn't a solid #2 hitter or an acceptable #3 hitter, no matter how many injuries you have. You know when Roenicke batted him third that time he was like:

scooterhittingthird

He is a dude who hits a lot of singles and that's it. That's not a bad thing, it's just not the best thing. What would be best is for Ryan Braun to come back and do Ryan Braun things. (Ryan Braun things in this case means hitting baseballs. It is not a euphemism for using drugs or getting urine collectors fired.) But who knows when that will happen. Another thing that could happen is for Rickie Weeks to get some more at-bats. Continue reading →

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