Lalli-Freakin-Da! Filling Milwaukee’s Last Bench Spot

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Could THIS be the guy who never plays until Corey Hart comes back in May?

Note: This post was being written when it was announced that the Brewers were signing Kyle Lohse. The transaction is in stark contrast to much of the intro, but I'll be goddamned if I'm going to re-write it. Just pretend this was written Friday or something. Cool?

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Every mid-February when pitchers and catchers report, life gets a little bit sweeter. Even though most of us are still marooned in the awful and unforgiving Wisconsin winter hundreds upon hundreds of miles away from said pitchers and catchers, the start of spring training offers methadone to help us through until we can score some regular season baseball.

Then position players show up to join the batteries in stretching along the chalk lines and jogging 90-foot increments. Immediately, Mat Gamel gets injured. Soon after, exhibition games start, allowing fans to comb over box scores that detail Rickie Weeks went 0-1 with a walk and some guy you never heard of had two hits in a split-squad contest against the Chinese Taipei WBC team. Maybe Bob Uecker says something funny on the radio while calling a game you don't really care about. A game or two gets televised.

After a barren winter of inactivity, articles and blog posts begin to pile up, each detailing that everyone is apparently in the best shape of his life, those who had a down season the previous year are looking to improve this time around and those who were successful last summer hope to repeat their performance. Some five weeks later, we sit idling at arguably the most frustrating point of the marathon baseball season.

Unless Doug Melvin gets partially digested by a python in the Arizona desert or Mark Attanasio makes a $33M last-minute impulse buy, every marginally-exciting storyline has been exhausted, the Opening Day starting lineup has been set in stone and there's nothing more that can be taken from a game occurring in or around Maryvale. Yet there's still a week standing between now and a baseball game at Miller Park. One of the last remaining uncertainties or points of speculation is who will occupy the lucrative last spot on the Brewers bench. There's a bevy of worthwhile options, but numerous factors both supporting and working against each of their respective cases. Continue reading »

Jeff Suppan to run for Congress if he continues to suck at baseball (Or Jeff Suppan to run for Congress)

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In a surprising turn of events, former Brewers pitcher Jeff Suppan is still trying to pitch in the major leagues. When the Brewers released Jeff Suppan in 2010jeff suppan (Keyboard Cat, never forget) many wondered if that was the end of his baseball playing career, but he ended up pitching for the Cardinals that season. After that most of us assumed that he would retire to his California restaurant, the cleverly named "Soup's Sports Grill", but he actually ended up playing 2011 for the Royals AAA Omaha team (where he sucked) and then spent part of 2012 getting rocked in San Diego. (Although he did lead the Padres to a win over the Brewers last season which proved once and for all that baseball is unfair and that God doesn't care about the Brewers.) For a guy with a career that should have been over three years ago, Suppan has kept on pitching and continued to make a high six figure salary for sucking at his job.

Which makes him a perfect candidate to run for political office. Continue reading »

A brief history of Bobby Crosby: Milwaukee Brewer

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Brewers release Bobby CrosbySad day for all you CrosBees out there as Bobby Crosby has found himself back in the unemployment line. Crosby hadn't played in the major leagues since 2010, but was attempting a comeback with the Brewers this season. Crosby had a reputation of being an excellent glove man with a bat that resembled a branch that fell off of a dead tree that he was able to live up to in Brewers spring training. Crosby hoped that he could get enough hits off of mediocre pitching in spring training to temporarily convince the Brewers that he had value, but was unable to even accomplish this simple task as he often struck out when hitting off the tee in batting practice.

His time with the Brewers was short lived, but for completionist's sake we have created this archive of his entire Brewers career. For science. Continue reading »

It’s Always Good To Be A Brewers Fan

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In their recent analysis of a trade between the Athletics and the Astros the gang over at Brew Crew Ball included this line in their opening:

Both sides of yesterday's Athletics/Astros trade show us why it's good to be a Brewer fan.

worldseriesThe gist of the article, it seems, is that the As gave up a lot to fill a need that the Brewers no longer have and that they are in a better position going forward than the Astros. This is oh so very true. Jean Segura could work out great and fill a serious need for a long time, it would suck to be the Astros and the Brewers have very few legit holes in their roster. It is a good time to root for this particular baseball team over those particular baseball teams. (Well, except the As who have an (arguably) better front office, deeper farm system and had a much more fun 2012 than the Brewers, but still.) This is a good point, I suppose, liking the Brewers is "fun" right now. They've been in the discussion for the playoffs in four of the past six years and have actually been there twice. They field teams with superstars like Ryan Braun, Zack Greinke, Ben Sheets Prince Fielder, Eric Gagne and CC Sabathia. Best of all, they aren't the Cubs so the idea of them winning the World Series seems plausible. If you like baseball teams because they might win the World Series, then the Brewers sure are a decent to average choice of baseball team to like!

Is that why we're watching though? Continue reading »

You Can Buy Front Row Amy’s Van

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FrontRowMobileWe've reached that point in the offseason where there's not much to write about. Well, the Brewers offseason moves up to this point (or lack thereof) haven't given us much fodder either, and it's not like we capitalized on writing something the few times a post was warranted... like that clutch Kelvim Escobar inking. But this post-Winter Meetings, pre-Spring Training late January lull is an especially brutal time to be a baseball fan of any team--especially a team being connected to remaining free agent names like Kyle Lohse (actually, that'd be kind of awesome at the right price) and the ghost of Lyle Overbay.

So we'll just take a detour from potential transactions and, instead, cover important periphery items in MPD's coverage area such as bad Brewers songs from two or three years ago and the most passionate, popular and attractive Brewers fan (excluding "The Maniac") selling her van.

That's right creeps, Front Row Amy is selling her van. The ol' girl has a lot of mileage, probably doesn't have much tread left on the tires, seems to have had a few body repairs along the way and is getting up there in years. And her 2005 Honda Odyssey has its issues too.

The vehicle has 126,450 miles, most of which were likely logged driving to and from Miller Park. But it features heated leather seats (which could probably be torn out and fashioned into some sort of gimp outfit so serve as some insane tribute with relative ease). The listing also boasts tinted windows and a rear entertainment system, so you can watch Brewers home games alone in a secluded location and truly feel the full unspoken connection that you and the van's only previous owner share... a connection that your friends, your estranged wife and concerned former co-workers will never even begin to understand BUT NOBODY WILL EVER UNDERSTAND YOU LIKE SHE DOES, GOD DAMMIT!!!

It also has cup holders, GPS and dual climate control. Nice features!

So if have an extra $11,900 laying around and you're hoping to bring your fandom of Brewers super fan regional semi-celebrity Front Row Amy to the next level, now is your time to strike... I mean, buy.

And for those of you who aren't obsessive weirdos and are just looking for a dependable van with a bunch of sweet extras, check it out.