07
May 13

The best tailgate party of the year returns

PANTS PARTY 3 TIME IS NEAR!

pp3-tshirtThis year's Pants Party is going to be the absolute best. For those of you who don't follow us on social media, we are doing the Pants Party 3 funding entirely through IndieGoGo. What does this mean? It means we have multiple reward levels designed to allow us to hold the biggest Pants Party yet. You want your name on your shirt? We can do that. You want a set a bags to go along with your tickets? We got that. You want to go to Saturday's game? We got you. You want your own booze? We got that too. Unless you want a blownado, we probably got you covered.

The party will be on Sunday June 23rd before the 1:10 game against the Atlanta Braves. (This is also Polish Heritage Day and everyone who actually makes it inside will get a Polish Sausage bobblehead.) The party will start as soon as they start letting cars in the parking lot. We will have all-you-can-drink beer, an additional drinking option (think jungle juice,) all-you-can-eat food (brats, as well as some next level tailgating food,) tailgating games, t-shirts, stickers and much, much more. I am not kidding when I say that it is going to be the best tailgate party of the year. It's going to be the best tailgate party of the year.

How much do I believe in this thing? So much I made this video. Continue reading →


03
May 13

Gomez Photoshop Contest Results

vvfJ6gwLast week, we decided to hold a little Photoshop contest for our readers with a grand prize of a ticket to our Pants Party 3D on June 23rd ($35 monetary value, infinite fun value), and a Forward Fabrics shirt for the runner up. Entrants were given the amazing Morry Gash (lolz again... Gash!) photograph to the right as a basis for a funny Photoshop redesign of their own.

We received lots of submissions from a whole bunch of readers throughout the week, and we didn't even have to be desperate about getting people to participate at all. Chalk up another successful promotion for the MPD boys!

Actually, participation only climbed to upwards of three people. Yikes! Anyway, since we promised stuff to people, I thought we'd share the efforts and name the runner-up and winning submissions below.
Continue reading →


02
May 13

Homestander: One Hand, No Hits

HomestanderEach Thursday preceding Brewers weekend home stands, Tyler Maas will help prepare fans for all elements of the upcoming series with the Homestander. Tyler prints Wisconsin-themed shirts at Forward Fabrics and contributes to such fine publications as Milwaukee Magazine and The A.V. Club Milwaukee. All views, naughty words and weirdo sentiments are his own. Follow him at @TylerJamesMaas and watch him embarrass himself at Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party 3D on June 23.

In my 28-plus years on this planet, I'd estimate I've attended approximately 150 or so Major League Baseball games--roughly an entire season's worth of games. Thanks to proximity to the Miller Park, friends who love going to games and likely not being able to get a girl pregnant due to a perfect storm of looking as I do, binge-drinking Lo-Carb Monster and often resting my laptop on my crotch, I get to the park more than the average American. I mean, it's not like I'm in my mid- to late-40s and get to drive 200 combined miles 50 to 60 times a year to watch games alone while my spouse stays home with my kids, but I've still been pretty fortunate to witness as many baseball games as I have in my life.

In games I've attended, I've seen tons of Major League debuts, Prince Fielder and Rickie Weeks' first home runs (same game!), first hits, five stadiums in as many states, fist fights, dramatic game-winning plays, crippling bullpen collapses, a 40-something biker lady whip out a breast, the bottom of countless helmet bowls, a Brooks Kieschnick pinch hit HR, and enough people doing the wave to make me absolutely lose faith in humanity. I think I once saw Ken Macha move! I've seen some great things and am lucky to have a baseball stadium serve as the background to many of my most prevalent and joyus memories in my life. But there's one thing I've never seen that I desperately want to, and--no matter how many hundred additional games I attend--might never see: a no-hitter.

If my math is correct, there are 4,860 regular season no-hitter opportunities. Once the playoffs are through, MLB starting pitchers will have more than 4,900 combined chances to accomplish the feat. At this point, there have only been 279 no-hitters in MLB history (280 if Jim Joyce was never born), so it's admittedly not a very common event. Still, of all teams in baseball (excluding the Nationals, who are basically the Expos, which have four no-nos in their history), the Brewers and the Mets have the fewest. That Brewers no-hitter by Juan Nieves--which Bill Schroeder caught. I don't know if he's ever mentioned it--in 1987 is one less than the no-no tallies of the Brooklyn Superbas, Washington Senators and Providence Grays and five fewer than the St. Louis Browns--six fewer than Nolan Ryan on his lonesome. Someone named Steve Busby even tossed one more no-hitter than the entire Brewers franchise has. In fact, one was against Milwaukee.

Milwaukee has been no-hit thrice (1974, 1994 and 2007), but never in a home game when I was alive. Pitchers with Brewers connections, such as Chris Bosio, Hideo Nomo (twice) and Jim Abbott has tossed no-nos, but never in a Brew Crew uniform. Carlos Zombrano threw one at Miller Park when the hurricane-displaced Houston Astros were using it as the team's "Home" stadium and I almost went, but lived in Appleton at the time and decided against buying tickets the morning of. Really, to see a no-hitter is special because it's a perfect recipe of skill, luck, circumstance and a silently thickening atmosphere around the approaching milestone. Once a pitcher (Brewer or otherwise) tosses five clear frames at a game I'm attending, I allow myself to imagine that this might be the game I see my no-hitter and have a story about being there when some asshole like Eric Stults no hit my Brewers in a fairly meaningless contest. In the 9th, I'd openly root for an opposing pitcher to no-hit Milwaukee (excluding elimination games). I don't care. So in addition to the game itself and the periphery joys of tailgating, hearing "Return Of The Mack", seeing mini-milestones, gross boob flashing, 50/50 frozen margaritas and laughing when somebody fucks up a simple trivia question, I go and will continue to go to games with the unlikely, but ever-present hope of witnessing a no-hitter.

Unless it's Bronson Arroyo. Fuck that guy.

Continue reading →


26
Apr 13

MPD Contest: Gomez Ducking Photoshop

vvfJ6gwYeah, yeah, we know this photo is from a few weeks ago, but this Morry Gash picture--lolz "Gash"--is the modern baseball equivalent of that iconic photograph of the soldier who just returned from war who's passionately kissing his wife. Or at the very least, that "Hang In There" poster with the cat.

It's a testament to Carlos Gomez's speed. It displays Ryan Braun's lingering spirit in the face of constant and unjust adversity. It kind of reminds me of The Matrix. And really, those are the three things I look for in a good picture. But I feel like MPD readers can make this great image even better, weirder and more hilarious. That's right, it's time for a Photoshop contest!

Miller Park Drunk and Forward Fabrics want to offer a prize to the reader who can manipulate, redesign or incorporate elements of this image into something funny, unique, creative or just plain awesome. Whether you focus on the water stream or crouching Gomez or anything else is up to you. If you don't think you're good at Photoshop (or any other photo editing software), no big deal. Crude attempts might even increase your chances of winning. Speaking of the prize, one grand prize winner will take home a Brewers-oriented prize pack complete with:

• A ticket to Miller Park Drunk Pants Party 3D, June 23. This includes a free game ticket (Polish Sausage bobblehead game), a Pants Party shirt, unlimited food, beer and fun.

One runner up will also get a Forward Fabrics shirt of their choice.

There's no limit on the amount of entries. Deadline is Thursday at 11:59 p.m. Central and a winners will be named Friday. Email entries to ForwardFabrics@gmail.com with "MPD Contest" in the subject line.

Good luck!


22
Apr 13

The End of the World: An OOTP Diary

Last week saw the release of OOTP14, the latest in Out of the Park Developments excellent baseball simulation series, and ever since then I have been playing it. The game is a definite upgrade from last season, but also I played as the Yankees, I played as the Pirates and I played as the Braves, but I never played as the Brewers. The reason is simple: I don't know what the hell is going on with them or what to expect from them. The scoreless streak, the winning streak, Yovani's DUI and the basic roster construction just don't make a lot of sense to me and I don't know how to make this team better. OOTP Doug MelvinSo how do I manage that team? Do I call up Hunter Morris, DFA Alex Gonzalez and/or Yuniesky Betancourt and ship Axford out of town? Do I Stand Pat? Will any of it even matter?

The truth is I don't know what will happen which makes this, not my favorite, but definitely the most intriguing Brewers season I can think of in a long time. For Doctor Who fans, it's much more Clara than Rose Tyler. Or for people who've actually had sex, it's much more LOST than NCIS. Or for people who aren't good with analogies, it's a mystery that won't be solved over night.

Which I guess makes it the perfect season to simulate with OOTP14. So hold on to your hats because we're doing a diary to see just how bad (or good) this season is going to get. (Again.) Continue reading →

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