23
Dec 09

Ten Christmas Gifts NOT to buy a Brewers fan

santaTomorrow is Christmas Eve and most of you are probably already checked out for the holiday, but just in case you are like me and completely irresponsible, waiting til Christmas Eve to buy anyone anything than I have a list for you. I can't tell you what anyone wants (probably something involving their cellphone), but I can tell you what they DON'T want. So here's 10 Christmas gifts you shouldn't get for that Brewers fan in your life, don't worry there is still time to return it! Continue reading →


15
Oct 09

Witrado’s Quest: A Miller Park Drunk Event

The slow news days have begun and due to MLB rules there is only a playoff game once every six days. What do we do? Inspired by our favorite site The Dugout, we've decided to follow our favorite JSOnline writer Anthony Witrado on a quest. A quest to find love, adulation and respect in a cruel world that doesn't understand him or particularly like him. Will he find what he's been seeking? Or will he fail at it, like he's failed at life so many times before? Find out in Witrado's Quest: A Miller Park Drunk Event. Continue reading →


15
Sep 09

Guide to Sneaking in Booze

BoozeBeltI don't know about you, but I can't make it through a nine inning baseball game (or church) without drinking some hard liquor. Man, I love getting wasted! Anyways since I am an old pro at this from sneaking booze into Wrigley I thought I would help you out. That's right, it's time for...

Miller Park Drunk's Guide to Sneaking in Booze Continue reading →


22
Jul 09

Does Ryan Braun hate me?

Interesting question poisted to me by commenter Citizens Bank Park Drunk recently: do you think Ryan Braun hates you? His argument was that whenever Ryan Braun does ANYTHING of note we seem to end up making fun of him and someone like Ryan Braun likes to stay connected, likes to know whats going on in the world. Even if he only read more "major" sites like Brew Crew Ball, Decider or Brewers beat writer Adam McCalvy's blog he would have come across a link to us at some point. Or if he googled Remetee, we would come up on the 2nd page. The odds are that if Ryan Braun is looking for information on himself on the internet that he has come across this site and that we haven't been too kind to him. In the past we've made fun of his likeme page, his calling out of teammates, his friendship with A-Rod, his thirst for revenge, his way of getting angry, his clothing line and personally blamed him for troubles with ladies. The only times I've been real "nice" to him are when he turned down the Bachelor and this post where he had an awesome day. It would seem that if Ryan Braun did ever read Miller Park Drunk that he would hate it and that makes me sad. Like real sad. Sad like this little girl.

sadlittlegirl Continue reading →


16
Jul 09

Ryan Braun tells you where to go and what to do, but somehow fails

Ryan BraunDid anyone else get this email? Because we did.

Hi,

When traveling to a new a city or looking for a new restaurant or club to try at home, a simple Google search just doesn’t cut it. What if you could get recommendations on where to eat and what to do from people ‘like you’ or, even better, from celebrity, super-human athletes like Ryan Braun.

LikeMe.Net, the next generation in social media, offers just that. It’s a recommendation search engine, which tailors your search to your specific interests. Awesome. Even better? Finding out where Ryan Braun spends his time when he’s not crushing it baseball field.

You can see his video at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMHHhc92gUI

Check out his recommendation page at: http://www.likeme.net/users/RyanBraun/recommendations

Let me know if you have any questions. Enjoy All-Star week.

Cheers,

Lauren

First of all, why the hell should I care where Ryan Braun recommends me to eat? To be an athlete in the kind of shape he's in he probably has to eat food like the bread that Jews eat during the Sabbath. No thanks. Second of all, he recommends places in California or Florida which doesn't exactly help me much. Here's the restaurant Katana which Ryan describes as "The food is so great, and there are a lot of beautiful people here. It's just a great place to go before going out." Great food and beautiful people? It's like gourmet narcissism! The menu looks decent and surprisingly affordable (unlike another Braun spot Prime 112 and their $23 soup), but it also looks like a place that Spencer's creepy flesh colored beard would hang out at. Fail Braun, fail.

Braun also goes on to recommend everything from cellphones (Blackberry Curve 8330: "I'm a businessman now so it's all about email efficiency.") to (surprise) Remetee clothing ("It's something like between Affliction and Ed Hardy. My partners are the majority owners of Affliction. We just felt like it was an opportunity to do something that was a little more colorful and friendly, and for me, it's something I really enjoy. It's available in Nordstrom, Macy's, Bloomingdales, etc."). I wonder if they ever thought of that for a slogan for Remetee, "Remetee: It's just like Affliction or Ed Hardy, only with more pink and purple!" The best part of Ryan Braun's recommendations are the baseball stadiums. That's a really nice touch. Here's his review of Wrigley Field:

It's a special place to watch a ball game. Every fan should experience this place -- a lot of day games, a lot of drinking and tailgating, and as a visiting player, we enjoy going into this atmosphere and environment. It makes it a lot of fun.

I am starting to wonder if Ryan knows the definition of tailgating because in order to tailgate I am pretty sure that you need an actual, you know, place to park. I could be wrong though. (Nope, I'm right.) I'm also kind of wondering if Ryan is saying that baseball players like playing when everyone is drunk during the day because he certainly seems to imply that. That'd be pretty awesome actually.

He also covers his hometown Dodger Stadium:

I grew up in L.A., and I still live there. I really enjoy getting the opportunity to go back when we play the Dodgers. I'm able to reflect on where I'm at, what I've accomplished, and what I'm doing because I grew up a big Dodger fan. It's fun to play against them -- they have a good team, we have a good team. It's not necessarily a rivalry because we only play them a couple times a year, but it's always a lot of fun and a good series.

Do you know how many games Ryan Braun has played in Dodger Stadium? I don't want to be a dick about it, but these things aren't that hard to find out and it literally takes about 20 seconds to look it up online. Two games. That's it. Sure, he could enjoy playing the Dodgers and he most definitely enjoys going back home but you've been there ONE TIME. This is my biggest Braun pet peeve, he talks like he has been in the league for 20 years and constantly gets away with it. He's like a 14 year old who wants to talk to you about sex. Give me a break.

I hate being down on Braun all the time though. I mean, he really likes playing in Milwaukee and signed a contract that he didn't have to sign to stay here. We should be happy. I mean look at this compliment he gives Milwaukee:

Don't sleep on Milwaukee. The people here really take their summers seriously because they don't have good weather very often. It's been great to me so far. It's fun.

At least I think that was a compliment.

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