06
Jul 09

Ryan Braun has a funny way of inspiring people

Ryan+Braun+Darren+Hauck+AP

Hey, you. Mark Burns? I'm sorry, Mike Burns. Listen Mark, I want to talk to you about your pitching. It's not good. I'm just going to come right out and tell you right now that if Dave Bush comes back from the DL, I am sending you down to the minors. We're also looking into some trades right now and if we find the right fit, we will demote you. Just wanted to let you know.

Same goes for you too Seth. We probably won't release you or send you to the minors, but you're definitely out of the rotation. I won't have it. I might actually decide to trade you if you keep this up.  Just so you know, nothing personal. I just find you to be a terrible pitcher and don't really like you as a person. Nothing personal though.

Hey Mr. Mustache, are you going to make a freakin' trade or what? Do I have to do everything for myself around here? Get me some help. We can't spot every team four run leads. Seriously, how hard is your job? Pick up the phone and do something.

Prince, put that down. Don't eat that. Dammit man, we're All-Stars. Eat like one. I don't care if it's a veggie burger, Krispy Kremes are not buns.

What are you looking at Corey? Why don't you get a freakin' haircut and shave your face? You're a Milwaukee Brewer, not a Milwaukee Meth Cook.

Yo A-Dub, cool shirt. With that being said, learn how to write would you? You misspelled home run last week. I don't need that.

'Oh look at me, I'm Casey McGehee. I'm getting all these hits, but I can't even play the field.' Come on, man. Even I can play third base better than you.

Speaking of third base, where's Bill Hall? He better be in the batting cage so help me God.

Hey Jeff Suppan just wanted to congratulate you on pitching so well for the first time in your life. Great work.

You guys know what would be cool to have on our team? A pitcher that hits like a pitcher batting 8th. Oh wait we already have that. His name is Jason Kendall. Nevermind.

Macha take Willie with you and go get my dry cleaning. It's the least you could do to help this team.

Braun out.


16
Jun 09

We are the freakin’ All Stars

Cleveland. Monday, June 16 2009.

Willie Randolph The new All-Star votes are in! Hey everybody come check it out!
Prince Fielder Come on coach, we gotta get ready for the game we can't be messing with that stuff.
Ryan Braun Yeah, we've been struggling lately. We need to focus. Miller Park Drunk didn't even feel like updating Monday we've sucked so bad.
Ken Macha Just look at them guys, you know how important this is to him.
Ryan Braun Fine. Bring em over.

/peruses

Prince Fielder /studies
Ryan Braun Who the f@#& is Raul Ibanez?
Prince Fielder THIRD PLACE!?
Ryan Braun I'm losing to a guy who is old enough to have religiously watched the A-Team.
Prince Fielder

THIRD PLACE!?

Ryan Braun I'm losing to a guy who offers his stool to any blogger who talks bad about him.
Prince Fielder

THIRD PLACE!?

Ryan Braun I'm losing to an uglier Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine.
Prince Fielder

THIRD GDMF PLACE!?!?

Ryan Braun /decides to perform to potential
Willie Randolph I think that went well.
Ken Macha Agreed.
bill castro u guys no nething about pitchering?