Zack Hample, Conan O’Brien and why ballhawking is still a bad choice

Baseball October 14th, 2009

I like to think that I am the world's foremost expert on d-bags who wear gloves to a baseball game. When I am asked to go on CNN to comment on the Happy Youngster's inevitable serial killing spree, I want it to to look like this.

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I can talk and write about this topic forever. They never stop being fun to make fun of. I know the ins and outs of the game and in some ways I'm the Bill James of the hating-ballhawks community. So you should know that NOTHING on this planet gave me more pleasure than seeing Conan O'Brien give him the business on the Tonight Show. In case you missed it: Read the rest of this entry »

Sue this post

Off-Base October 8th, 2009

ryanhowardRemember that one time the Happy Youngster tried to extrort Chris Coghlan for the ball and I called him a douchebag? Well, somehow a 12-year old girl in Florida has made herself look much worse than HY could ever dream of. The story goes:

A 12 year-old girl caught Ryan Howard's 200th home run ball back in July. Afterwards, she was escorted to the Phillies clubhouse and exchanged it for an autographed ball.  This being America, she sued (or, I should say, her parents sued) in order to get the ball back.  Two days after the suit was filed, the Phillies gave her the ball back.

Actually I take that back, the 12-year old girl didn't do shit. It's her douchebag mother that has made the Happy Youngster look like an okay guy. You see 12-year old's are stupid. I wouldn't trust a 12-year old to walk my dog. You know when you hear about pedophiles going after young girls? They always skip 12-year olds because 12-year olds are too stupid to even get molested properly. If you went up to her and offered to trade her a $5 footlong for the ball she would have done it. She's 12, she's an idiot so I don't blame her. I blame her dumbass mother. Read the rest of this entry »

What are these people smoking?

Fans October 1st, 2009

Dumb Brewers fan in a Favre Brewers jerseyJust checked out the always enjoyable for all the wrong reasons Anthony Witrado chat from last week and seriously, what is wrong with you people? Are you stoned? I do not like Anthony Witrado, this is well known, but I am starting to think that A-dub is just Charles Manson and the people who participate in these chats are the ones out killing people. Look at some of these questions, it is not pretty.

Q: Michael, Chicago - Thanks for all of your hard work this season Anthony.

Work? He's talking about the time he spends in the mirror adjusting his hat sideways right?

Q: stu pidasso, westallica - hi anthony. just for fun, let's pretend you're doug melvin.

WHY? WHY DO YOU THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA? I've got a better one. Let's pretend you are David Carradine. Here's a belt.

Q: Justink8996 - Do you guys have an update on Alcides "baby mama" drahma? Kinda hard to root for a guy who is a dead beat dad? Guess it would be pretty awkward as a journalist to even ask him about it? "Oh Alcides by the way...." Read the rest of this entry »

Why am I supposed to feel sorry for JJ Hardy again?

Baseball September 1st, 2009

JJ Hardy Flow ChartHey, what's up gang? I'm back, I survived the swine flu. (Well, not really but it sounds better to explain the absence.) Did I miss anything? No? Not really? No trades? No 5,000 Jeff Suppan heads on the field on Sunday? Anyways, it's good to be back. You know who else thinks it's good to be back? JJ Hardy.

That's right, he's back! Today against the Cardinals, JJ Hardy will be on the roster. The only thing is he falls one day short of some MLB rule that makes no sense so he remains under Brewers control until after 2011, instead of after 2010. Reading the baseball blogs around the internet people have been calling the Brewers unethical to do this or just plain wrong. Why? Because delaying his free agency like this costs him money. To which I say, who gives a shit? Read the rest of this entry »

Happy Memorial Day

Baseball May 25th, 2009

For those of you going to the game (and are actually probably already there), good for you. For the rest of us, let's party.

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I am what I call a closet patriot. You wouldn't know it by looking at me, but I am one of the more patriotic people you'll ever meet. I've cried at military movies, bought random veterans drinks (not recommended), listened to a Trace Adkins song unironically (not reccommended) and generally been very proud to live in America. I'll defend the awesomeness of America to anyone who will listen (which is another reason Al's Ramblings is awesome, btw.) It's simply the greatest place in the world to live. We get to do what we want, drink when we want, eat what we want, go to as many Brewers games as we want and then say what we want about it. What else can you ask for (besides cheese fries)?

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Happy Memorial Day.

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