03
May 12

Local Man Finds Milwaukee Brewers Woes Accurately Reflect His Own Personal Failures

RACINE, WI -- While Milwaukee Brewers fans statewide are trying to figure out what exactly is going on with their local baseball team's string of bad luck, there is one local man who saw it all coming and claims that the Milwaukee Brewers recent troubles are an accurate reflection of every bad thing that has happened to him in his life.

"Baseball is supposed to be an escape, you know? Something fun to take you away from all the bad things happening in your life, but not this year," said Josh Stevens, 35, who is between jobs right now and not really sure how he's going to pay last month's rent. "Everything that has happened to the Brewers this year just reminds me more and more how much of a mess I've made of my life."

"It actually started last year when he broke up with his girlfriend Anna," his roommate Chaz confirmed, "she dumped him right before the playoffs started and he kept saying that if the Brewers won the World Series they would get back together, but we all know that didn't happen. I don't think she even talks to him anymore."

Stevens reportedly started feeling better as the season began, but that ray of light in his life quickly diminished when he was fired from his job at Culver's just days after the Brewers lost their season opening series to the Cardinals, losing two games to one by a combined score of 20-14.

"I had tickets to two of the first three games and I had to work the other day. Guess which day that was? Oh, and I had to sit next to a bunch of Cardinal fans which made it even worse," Stevens admitted that he realizes that it is a long season and losses happen, but the series just completely drained him of any hope. "I went into work Monday and my boss told me that I was working the register, like he didn't even ask and I didn't want to do it after the weekend I'd just had so I told him no way. Then he just started freaking out on me about acting immature or something and then he fired me for no reason. I mean, who acts like that? I tried to tell him I had a bad weekend, but he didn't care. Nobody ever does."

When reached for comment his former manager noted that he was "36 and working the grill at Culver's. I truly hope he gets his life together."

While Stevens believes the Brewers woes align with his failures, their success does not seem to have the same effect on his personal life. According to a source close to Stevens it is quite the opposite.

"I wanted to cheer him up after losing his job so I took him to the Brewers game where they beat the Dodgers in extra innings which was a great game to be at. My company has great season tickets so I used those and we tailgated before too," his step brother Marcus, a 26 year old engineer, told us "but then as soon as we sit down he sees a girl that he thinks is his ex-girlfriend with her boyfriend two rows down. He went catatonic, like Cameron in Ferris Bueller style catatonic. I tried to get him to chill out, but he wouldn't. I didn't get it. Like they only really dated for a couple of months and she wasn't even that good looking, but there he was crying like a baby. The sad part is I don't even think it was her."

The pain didn't stop there for Stevens either. When the Brewers lost starting pitcher Chris Narveson for the season with a rotator cuff injury, Stevens suffered an injury of his own.

"I was trying to help my mom clean her gutters, you know help her out for a couple extra bucks, when I reach into one and cut my hand on the metal. There was blood everywhere and I coulda sworn I needed a tetanus shot," Stevens, who is still looking for work if anyone knows of anything, said "I asked my mom to take me to the hospital for stitches, but she just gave me a band-aid. That's when I told her to forget about it and to clean her own gutters. Forget that. She never even paid me for the work I did before I got hurt either."

To make matters worse for Stevens, Milwaukee also lost its first baseman Mat Gamel. Stevens owns a Mat Gamel shirsey that he claims "wasn't cheap" and says he had a lot invested in the young hitter this season.

"Prince leaving last season reminded me a lot of when my dad left me when I was a kid. I was hoping Gamel could step in and fill the void he left, but once he went down injured I knew it wasn't going to happen. He's just like Marcus's dad Ken. He always played catch with Marcus, but never with me. I'm not jealous or anything, but it just wasn't right you know?"

Stevens, wearing sweatpants in public, says that he isn't too optimistic about the Brewers playoff chances this season or his chances of finding a new job. Or a new girlfriend for that matter.

"What's the point, really? Why try? Look at Mat Gamel he tried to catch a foul ball and he tears his ACL. Season over. You put yourself out there and you get burned. I gave my heart to Anna and I gave my blood, sweat and tears to Culver's and where did it get me? Nowhere. If I was the Brewers I would just stop playing now. Suppan shut you out, just give up. Trying isn't worth it. Trust me."


FREE FANTASY BASEBALL WITH CASH PRIZES THIS FRIDAY! DON'T MISS IT!

Hey, Miller Park Drunk has launched a clothing line that is unlike any Brewers clothing line you have seen before. Why? It is actually cool. So if you are tired of wearing the same old Brewers gear check out Hip Drunk: a stylish approach to Brewers apparel.



18
Oct 11

The Brewers lost: Baseball is stupid

An argument I've made many times before on this blog is that a single week of games doesn't matter as much as the entire season does. When the Brewers had their "horrible" weekend where they lost 3 out of 4 to the Phillies many Brewers fans were panicking and assuming that this team was not good enough to compete in the playoffs. Remember that? Here is what I wrote then:

Remember when the Brewers won 22 out of 25? Did you think that was going to be forever? Teams have winning streaks and they have losing streaks, it's a part of baseball. Sometimes it's because the pitching stinks, sometimes it's because the hitting sucks and sometimes it's just because they get outplayed and maybe run into some bad luck. That's what this was, that third thing. Get over it. We're going to the playoffs.

And they did and it was fun for a little while.

The Brewers won 96 games during the regular season which makes them the 2nd best team in the National League and tied for third best team in all of baseball. They were the best team in the National League Central and there will be a sign going up that says "2011 NL Central Champions" which is something that nobody else can do next year. Those are a huge, huge accomplishments and they are reason alone to celebrate. That says more about this Milwaukee Brewers team than any single week of the season possibly could and that includes this past week.

The Brewers won 6 more games than the Cardinals during the regular season. They were the better team all season long and the record books will always show that. Then the Cardinals got into the playoffs because the Braves fell apart and they beat us in the NLCS. It sucked, but the playoffs do nothing to show us who is actually better. It just shows who won more games during that week and that is why baseball is stupid. Continue reading →


21
May 10

In defense of Doug Melvin

I don't know how it happened. I don't know when it happened, but somehow at some point I became a Doug Melvin apologist. I don't think that Doug Melvin should be fired. I think Doug Melvin should be signed to be the team's GM forever. As the Brewers have now lost their last 9 games seemingly everyone is calling for the head of Doug Melvin. I don't agree with them. I looked all over the internet and I could only find one other person who agreed with me, his name is Al. (FYI, We did this before the Brewers won yesterday.) Warning, this be long.

MPD: As of this writing the Brewers have now lost 8 games in a row. Of the eight games I would say that five of the games were lost by the starters and two were lost by the bullpen (with the final game being Sunday's against the Phillies which I would say was lost by one centimeter of Corey Hart's bat.) Now, everyone is calling for people to be fired. Some I agree with (Hoffman), some I could care less about because it won't make a difference (Macha) and the final one, I just don't understand. That final one is Doug Melvin, the mustached general manager. People are saying that because he put the team together that sucks right now that he should be fired for it. It's not just casual fans, it's diehards fans too and the argument is is logical. After all, he is the one who signed Doug Davis, Trevor Hoffman, Jeff Suppan, LaTroy Hawkins and throughout his GM career he's never been good with the pitchers. Those pitchers I mentioned are the ones that have underperformed and someone has to take the blame for them, but to me it shouldn't be Doug Melvin. Everyone who has performed poorly does not have a track record of performing this poorly and you can't blame Doug Melvin for that.

Trevor Hoffman has been awful, but he showed zero signs of decline last season. He is throwing the same pitches at the same speed he always has, but he's missing his spots. Does that mean he is done? Or is it something else?

Doug Davis hasn't been great, but he's also faced some bad luck (.415 BABIP.)

LaTroy Hawkins was hurt.

Claudio Vargas? Well, you can't win em' all.

Todd Coffey has had five bad outings and 15 shutout ones, but he's on pace for a lot of innings right now. That can't be good.

In your opinion Al, what has been wrong with this pitching staff, whose fault is it and what can be done to fix it? Continue reading →


04
May 10

5 Reason the Brewers start is possibly maybe not that bad

Look, we're all unhappy. 10-15 is just not fun. Even if we do the whole "blame Trevor" thing the Brewers are still 13-12 and that's not a very good record either. It's better, but it's not satisfying and a lot of these losses have been supremely unsatisfying. I get tired of being Mr. Brightside all the time, but here is a few small silver linings to the start of the season.

5. The draft suddenly seems a whole lot more interesting.

We're about one month away from the MLB Amateur Draft and suddenly I care. Thanks to sucking last year we get to pick 14th! Who are we going to get? A lot of mock drafts see the Brewers going for a pitcher, but I've also heard the name Bryce Brentz. Who is Bryce Brentz? I don't know, but his name sounds cool and he might be a Brewer soon. Can't you just picture some little kid at Miller Park doing the Jr. PA announcer and saying "Now bwatting fow tha Bwewars Bwyce Bwentz!"? Yeah you can!

4. There is other stuff on.

The great thing about the Brewers slow start is that we don't have to watch it. We had the Bucks in the playoffs, the rest of the NBA playoffs, the NHL playoffs, golf, the NFL Draft, all the good TV shows are still running new episodes and everything else. If the Brewers had their worst month of the season in July like last year that would suck because there is nothing on TV in July.

3. Every good team has a bad month.

This may be the crazy person in me talking, but every good team has at least one bad month in them. Check it out. Continue reading →

  • BrewBay

    1993 Topps Micro Milwaukee Brewers team set
    1993 Topps Micro Milwaukee Brewers team set
    US $4.00
  • Brewers Tickets

  • E-Mail Miller Park Drunk