16
Jul 10

Ryan Braun’s Tavern and Grill does not have raspberry iced tea, proceed accordingly

Look, I like to drink beer. Lots of it. Beer is so, so tasty and I like what it does to me (mainly stop crying), but sometimes you can't drink beer. Sometimes you're in church. Sometimes you have to work later in the day. Sometimes your girlfriend tells you that if you have one more beer she will smash a bottle over your head. These things happen. At times like these I like to drink a little bit of raspberry tea. It's sweet and it has a nice flavor. Plus, it's fun to say. Go ahead and say it. Raspberry. Now say it like "rah-sperry". Funny right? I love raspberry tea.

Ryan Braun's restaurant in Lake Geneva does not have raspberry tea. The food is good, even if the menu is a bit weird. Seriously, can a brother just get some wings? Or how about an entree that I can pronounce? Are you trying to make me look stupid on my date or something? Carpaccio, amatriciana, gnocchi, honestly I feel like you are just making up words here. Like I do when I am losing at Scrabble.

I had a steak sandwich for lunch and it was probably one of my favorite steak sandwiches I've had in a long time. It was actually medium rare, thick pieces (not slices) of mozzarella, oven roasted tomatoes and a steak sauce that I really enjoyed. It was really good. I sat at the bar (because, seriously, where else would I sit?) and the girls were nice and knew their stuff. They were, of course, bored out of their mind because there was maybe four people in the whole room, but still. The beer selection and everything seemed decent.

Still, it's a classy joint. Continue reading →


31
May 10

Tim Dillard is Harry Caray

Hey, what's that? A baseball player, with a sense of humor? I've never heard of such a thing!

The sound quality isn't the best, but here's Brewers pitcher Tim Dillard delivering the starting lineups using the Will Ferrell Harry Caray voice. He's the dude playin' the dude, impersonating another dude!

[Nashville Sounds]


01
Apr 10

Corey Hart > Jim Edmonds

I wouldn't call myself a big Corey Hart fan. In my personal rankings of "Brewers I like to make fun of whenever possible" he ranks right below Ryan Braun. This isn't to say that I don't like Corey Hart as a baseball player, I just think he's, well, mostly pointless. He's valuable when he's good and I like him, but when he's not good I have no use for him. (Unlike Rickie Weeks who struggles and I make ten thousand excuses for.) If Corey Hart falls off the cliff I'll be the first one calling for his head, but if he breaks out as a star I'll be clamoring for the Brewers to keep him. My feelings on Corey are 100% performance based. I don't really care about Corey Hart either way and I refuse to watch The Blind Side no matter how badly he wants me to.

Now, Corey Hart has struggled mightily this spring (something like 1 for 27) and the Brewers spring training invitee Jim Edmonds has been doing pretty well for himself. So well that the Brewers are considering making right field into a platoon with Edmonds taking most of the at-bats against right handed pitching. This makes pretty good sense. A quick look at his splits show that throughout his career Jim Edmonds has killed right handed pitching (career .954 OPS (!)) and that Corey Hart has fared better against left handers (career OPS .854). Beyond that, as a career center fielder Edmonds should be better, possibly a lot better defensively in right. This is the kind of move you like to see your team making. A smart decision based in performance and giving the team the best chance to win. I really want to get behind this move except there is one minor detail that the team seems to be completely ignoring and that's the fact that.. Continue reading →


03
Nov 09

Hey Ryan Braun, let’s make a movie!

Ryan Braun loves him some offseason projects. He doesn't want to be a baseball player. He wants to be Coke, he wants to be Pepsi, he wants to be Chevy, Ford and BMW. Ryan Braun isn't just an All-Star, he's a brand. The name Ryan Braun equals quality and it reaches far beyond the baseball field. Whether it's Ryan Braun's Tavern and Grille, RB8 or Remetee, he sets out to do good things. I like Ryan Braun, he impresses me.

Why should he stop here? He needs to just keep getting bigger and bigger. Obviously the next logical step is movies and boy oh boy, do I have the perfect movie pitch for you Ryan Braun. You want to be a movie star? You want to extend your brand? You want to get laid about 15,000 times more than you do now? Well, I've written you a screenplay that will BLOW YOUR MIND and surely become one of the top box office hits of 2010 (that's right, we're fast tracking this baby!) I have the story that's going to take Ryan Braun from "Major League Baseball Star" to "Bigger than Jesus, Babe Ruth, Leonardo DiCaprio and 80's Michael Jackson combined". I have the idea that is going to make Shaq and his movies like, well, Shaq movies. Are you ready for this? Are you ready for....

ryan braun jew commando

When a group of Neo-Nazi's seek to re-animate Hitler and kill all the famous Jewish people in the world, there's only one man who can stop them and his name is Ryan Braun.

It's time for this Jewish All-Star to deliver some suffering of his own - with a baseball bat!

Call me.


15
Oct 09

Witrado’s Quest: A Miller Park Drunk Event

The slow news days have begun and due to MLB rules there is only a playoff game once every six days. What do we do? Inspired by our favorite site The Dugout, we've decided to follow our favorite JSOnline writer Anthony Witrado on a quest. A quest to find love, adulation and respect in a cruel world that doesn't understand him or particularly like him. Will he find what he's been seeking? Or will he fail at it, like he's failed at life so many times before? Find out in Witrado's Quest: A Miller Park Drunk Event. Continue reading →

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