CC Sabathia, The Brewers and You

Posted on June 30, 2011 by Vince Morales

The Brewers lost their second game in a row to the New York Yankees tonight and are facing a sweep tomorrow afternoon at Yankee Stadium. We knew this series would be tough, but we didn't think they were going to be swept. At least we hoped not. Of course the Brewers can avoid that tomorrow by winning, but it won't be easy. The Brewers send Randy Wolf to the mound and while he's been very good this season I can't imagine the Yankees aren't licking their lips like Mo Vaughn at an all-you-can-eat wing buffet in anticipation of facing him. To make matters worse the Yankees are sending their ace to the mound, CC Sabathia. Yes, that CC Sabathia.

I should preface what I am about to write by noting that I really like CC Sabathia. I've always been a fan of his. He's like Doc Gooden and Willie "Da Bomb" Richardson wrapped together in a tortilla, topped with cheese and buffalo sauce, sprinkled with Jesus. In other words, he's awesome. (Coincidentally, that's what CC Sabathia had for dinner tonight.) He defies everything we think we know about pitch counts and healthy playing weights. I could see him pitching forever and breaking all of Cy Young's records along the way. He's the only Yankee I've ever liked. I love CC Sabathia.

Despite all of that, I want the Brewers to destroy him. I want them to hit ten homeruns in the first inning and ruin his ERA. I want the cover of New York dailies to read "IS CC DONE?" and "Sa-BAD-ia". I want the press to be like "What happened CC?" and for CC to be like "I don't know. That team is amazing. I can't beat them." I want the Brewers to win and CC to lose in the most humiliating fashion of all time. I want it so bad. Continue reading »

YOU ARE A SELLOUT MIKE RIVERA AND I HATE YOU

Posted on December 22, 2009 by Vince Morales

MIKE RIVERA SELLOUT Sometimes I wonder why I even watch this god awful sport. The World Series champion New York Yankees, the richest team in any sport that have a value almost 5x that of the Milwaukee Brewers, have stolen another one from the poor, stupid teams like us. Mike Rivera has signed with the New York Yankees and I think we all know what this one was about. These stupid baseball players, all they care about is money! You know it's not enough to offer a major league job and a nice city to play in, these greedy a-holes want more. MONEY, MONEY, MONEY! Why do I even bother to follow this team? Why do I even write this stupid blog? I mean, it's not like the players care! Nooooooo, they just go to whoever offers them the most money. Mike Rivera doesn't care if I get diagnosed with a life threatening disease and the only thing that can cure me is him re-signing with the Brewers, all he cares about is padding his wallet! NEW YORK NEW YORK! THE CITY THAT NEVER F'N SLEEPS! WHERE MONEY RAINS FROM THE SKY AND YOU CAN TAKE YOUR DRIVER'S TEST IN 400 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES! Man, screw New York. Seriously, New York you can f right off.

It's just sad, you know, that a small market team like the Brewers can't compete dollar for dollar with a team like the Yankees. Kids grow up rooting for their heroes, but as soon as their heroes become free agents they leave the kids behind. (It's just like my parents divorce really.) Whatever. CONGRATULATIONS MIKE RIVERA I hope you are happy to know that you have ruined my Christmas with your evil, greedy ways. The Mike Rivera jersey I got from Santa is now kindling in my fire! Thanks for nothing, JERK!

EDIT: It appears that Mike Rivera was actually non-tendered by the Brewers who didn't want him back and he signed a minor league deal with the Yankees. So, sorry about that Mike. I take it back.

2009 Milwaukee Brewers team awards

Posted on October 28, 2009 by Vince Morales

weirdotrophy In case you didn't hear the Brewers recently announced their team awards and the results weren't that surprising. From the JSONLINE:

First baseman Prince Fielder and right-hander Yovani Gallardo were named the Milwaukee Brewers' most valuable player and most valuable pitcher, respectively, for 2009 in balloting conducted by the Milwaukee chapter of the Baseball Writers Association of America.

Other award winners were closer Trevor Hoffman as top newcomer, reliever Todd Coffey as unsung hero and veteran infielder Craig Counsell as recipient of the "Good Guy" award.

(Quick tangent: The Milwaukee chapter of the BBWAA? We have ONE daily newspaper here, how many people can be in it? Seriously, is this just Tony W, Tom H and Mike Hunt voting? Is this a joke? I mean, it's not like they allow broadcasters in here and Uecker got a vote. Who are the people voting on this? I can't find one of them on the BBWAA Wikipedia page. It has to just be the guys at the Journal Sentinel, there is nobody else. So why not just say that?)

Anyways, since this is America and it's full of PC crap where everyone gets a trophy and little league games end in a tie these weren't the only awards handed out. In fact, everyone gets an award! Why let anyone feel left out? These are millionaire baseball players that get tons of adulation and hook up with different women every night, we don't want to hurt their feelings! We need to coddle them and what better way to coddle them than by awarding them for things? Seriously, I want an answer.

Luckily, I have sources and they were able to get me the complete list of Brewers awards handed out to the players and I now present them here for you. Continue reading »

A peek inside the Brewers bullpen

Posted on July 17, 2009 by Vince Morales

The Brewers are enjoying a comfortable 9-3 lead.

	Psst!
	/walks Nix
	Pssst!!!
	/wipes 2 liters of sweat off brow Wha? Who keeps doin' dat? I be tryin' to pitch good.
	(whispering) It's me. Trevor.
	Oh, hey boss. What can I do for ya?
	I need you to give up three runs.
	Wha? Why? We need to win this one boss! We cruisin' to a victory!
	Don't worry about that, just give up this home run so the game will be a save situation.
	Bu..bu.... but I wanted to be a startin again soon! I need to prove myself to Mr. Mancha!
	Listen Red, you're never going to be a starter again.
	Why not?
	For one, you're not that good.
	/walks Gomes
	See.
	Aww hell that don't matter. Look at the rest of our staff.
	True, but you're also nature's mistake.
	What in the sam hell is that supposed to mean?
	Your hair.
	What's wrong with it?
	Don't play dumb I've seen you on Yahoo Answers.
	Yeah, but there been lotsa good red headed baseball players.
	Like who?
	Chris Shelton.
	/stares
	Man, you got a creepy lookin' face. It looks like you stole it from a wax museum in the Dells. Okay, what 'bout Bobby Kielty?
	Maybe in the California Penal League.
	Steve Howe?
	Maybe in the Betty Ford League.
	Doug Rader! He won 5 Gold Gloves!
	Yeah, but that was in the 70s when they used to pick the Gold Glove awards by who could do the Hustle and who could get the best quaaludes.
	True. That certainly explains Mark Belanger, but whatta 'bout Wade Boggs? Great hitter, could drank 'bout 70 beers, hung out with Mr. Perfect, sex addict, used to record other players cheatin' to protect himself. Wait, scratch that last one.
	Oh, would you just give up the home run already? You know you were going to anyways.
	Fine. /gives up 3 run bomb

	/RUNS WILDLY
	Psst!!
	STFU TREVOR I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT RED HEADS

trevor time

Epilogue: Saves with a three run lead are stupid.

Tom H’s JSOnline Chat

Posted on May 12, 2009 by Vince Morales

Yesterday Tom "I hate my job" Haudricourt did a chat at JSOnline. He answered a lot of questions, but he didn't have time for all of them. Luckily, Tom H and I are tight (we listen to goth music together) and he allowed me to put the questions and his answers that they didn't have time for right here on Miller Park Drunk!

Q: mary anne, milwaukee - tom are you on facebook, myspace or twitter?
A: Tom Haudricourt - Why don't you check out my FaceBook profile and find out? Oh that's right I am not an idiot like you who uses FaceBook or MYspace. Go tweet yourself.
Q: milwaukee fan - You are an awesome writer and I love Tony as well. Just a quick question: what color is the sky?
A: Tom Haudricourt - Thanks so much. We do our best around here, we like to think of ourselves as the Woodward and Berninstein of Milwaukee. To answer your question: depends what day.
Q: Mark, Eau Claire - Tom: I was wondering if you could tell me how Braun's first three years thus far compare to some of the other great baseball players. It seems like he's right up there with Pujols and other legends.
A: Tom Haudricourt - I have neither the time or the desire to research such things.
Q: miranda, appleton - tom are you single?
A: Tom Haudricourt - That's really none of your business, but if I was I wouldn't date some loser Brewers fan who reads my chats.
Q: Jack, New Berlin - Tom, I love the Brewers and I love going to Miller Park but the coverage that you and Tony deliver is beyond atrocious. I now get all of my Brewers information from blogs even though I'd prefer it from the JSOnline. Is there any chance of your editors realizing how bad you are and replacing you with better reporters? Or will the JS continue to stick it's head in the sand and act like everything is alright?
A: Tom Haudricourt - I'm glad they let you use the internet at the school for the mentally challenged, retard. Maybe if you knew anything you'd know that I am the best this stupid city will ever have.
Q: brewcrew4eva - Tom I hate Ryan Braun, Rickie Weeks, Mike Cameron, Prince Fielder and Yovanni Gallardo. Is there anyway the team can just clone Corey Hart and Craig Counsell and have them play every position?
A: Tom Haudricourt - No, but there is probably about 100 different ways you can kill yourself. Go try a few.
Q: Jack, New Berlin - Hey Tom me again. How do you think the Brewers will handle Capuano's return from the DL? Julio seems sure to go, but Cap is most valuable as a starter I'd think.
A: Tom Haudricourt - Go f yourself.
Q: Bill, La Crosse - Non Brewers question: Do you think the Cubs will turn it around and start being the team people thought they'd be in the preseason? Also, will the Dodgers still be good without Manny?
A: Tom Haudricourt - I'm paid to cover the Brewers, not the rest of baseball. Please don't waste everyone's time with this. Okay, that about wraps it up. It's not like I'm getting paid by the hour here. See you guys at the ballpark. (Actually, I won't because I'll be in the press box and you'll be in the upper deck.)

Thanks Tom!

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