29
Mar 12

Are We There Yet?

I love baseball, but I hate spring training.

To a lot of people baseball begins when the pitchers and catchers report to spring training. Some people even make the pilgrimage down to Arizona to watch the games. Other people like to post play-by-play of every spring training "game" on twitter like it's game six of the World Series. I am not one of these people. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging these people. Baseball season doesn't start for me until after Wrestlemania so who the hell am I to talk?)

The thing about spring training is that it's not really baseball. In baseball there are two teams that want to win that each make strategic moves in an attempt to make that goal a reality. In spring training there are a few guys who want to do good because this might be their only chance to impress, a few guys who waited to long to get into shape, a few guys who want to get laid by some MILFs in the stands and the rest of the team just wants it to be over with already. And you know those guys that you want to see? The stars? The good players? They are in the last two categories, not the first two. I love the Milwaukee Brewers, but watching them play spring training is the absolute worst. I'd rather watch a Batman themed gay porn with Alfred and Robin doing bondage.

(I am going to get so many weird Google search hits from that line.)

Continue reading →


13
Feb 12

What The Hell Am I Going To Wear To The Game? Female Edition

With opening day vastly approaching we must discuss the topic that plagues women season after season: what the hell am I going to wear to the game? I don’t know about you but the goal of my game day outfit is to (obviously) support the team, look cute and be comfortable enough to do one or seven beer bongs in the parking lot before first pitch. However, from spending many of my summer days at Miller Park I have noticed that not all girls share this thought. Some girls have absolutely no clue what they are doing while others were clearly dropped on their head as a baby, but don't worry it's going to be okay. I’m here to calm your fashion nerves so you are ready for the 2012 baseball season.

There really is a wide range of options you can do for a day or night at the ballpark. Don’t overthink it. Overthinking an outfit will lead to you being very matchy-matchy and having an over styled look. Baseball games are fun and carefree so the clothes you are wearing should be as well.

You know what is not carefree? Wearing a tight dress and heels to the game, the only exception to wearing an outfit like that is being married to a player or being a hooker…or both. But at every game there will be those damn 20-something year old chicks wearing a bandage dress and stilettos. And of course, by that trollop’s side will be her goateed boyfriend wearing a shirsey of some player who was traded in 2006. Naturally, he will also be holding her baseball helmet full of cheese fries so she doesn’t look fat. Don’t be that couple. Please don’t be that couple. Continue reading →


17
Mar 10

MPD’s Guide to St Patrick’s Day

It's that time of year again, St. Patrick's Day. Along with Cinco De Mayo and someone else's birthday, it's one of the world's greatest excuses to get drunk for no real reason. Many children have been sired on this day and many people have gotten their first taste of the long arm of the law during a St. Patty's Day celebration. It's a shame really that some people have to ruin a perfectly good drinking day by getting into some sort of trouble. Luckily, your past problems will remain there because from today and on into the future you will have this guide to get you through. You are welcome.

Miller Park Drunk's Guide to St. Patrick's Day Continue reading →

  • BrewBay

    MILWAUKEE BREWERS COLLISION PLAID FRANCHISE BLUE FITTED HAT CAP NEW MEDIUM
    MILWAUKEE BREWERS COLLISION PLAID FRANCHISE BLUE FITTED HAT CAP NEW MEDIUM
    US $4.99
  • Brewers Tickets

  • E-Mail Miller Park Drunk