29
Jun 09

Jeremy Jeffress was gonna pitch, but then he got high

high timesAs I am sure you have heard by now the (arguably) best pitching prospect in the Brewers system, Jeremy Jeffress was suspended for 100 games. He tested positive for marijuana for the second time in his career. Now, we can get into all the "smoking pot is not that bad!" stuff another time. The fact is that it's illegal to smoke pot and it's against baseball's rules to smoke pot and this guy smoked pot and got caught (twice). If he does it again and gets caught he will be banned from baseball for life. Fair? Probably not, but those are the rules and when you work in an industry where the starting paycheck is six figures you can probably stand to follow a few rules.

The best part of this whole deal, is Jeffress' manager who had the gall to say this:

"Jeremy is extremely remorseful for what happened and will be voluntarily checking himself into a rehab facility to deal with his problem," Kusnick said. "Jeremy is sick and needs help. We are here to support him in getting his life back. Right now, the most important thing is to help him get his life back, and baseball will take care of itself.

"He is sorry for letting everyone down who believes in him."

He can't possibly be serious can he? He knows we're talking about pot right? To quote Bob Saget in Half Baked "I used to suck dick for coke. Now that's an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?" You can't have a "problem" with marijuana, you can't be "sick and need help", people don't overdose on weed. If he wants to "get his life back" maybe he should just, you know, not smoke pot. That's all he has to do. There is no addiction to kick and he doesn't need rehab, he just has to put the bong down. That's it.

Unfortunately, I don't see him ever doing that. I've been around people who smoke pot my entire life. Know how many have quit? Zero. Guess what those kids getting high behind the dumpster at Burger King before a sixth grade dance are doing today? SMOKING POT! Guess what my mom is doing right now? The same thing she did when she was pregnant with me, SMOKING POT! Once you reach the point in your life when you are listening to a Phish album and think to yourself "hey, this is pretty good," you're done. It's over. You are going to smoke weed for the rest of your life. You don't care if it costs you jobs or relationships because smoking weed is fun and it makes watching professional wrestling THAT MUCH COOLER.

So don't give me that "Jeffress has a problem" crap, the only problem that Jeffress has is that he's an idiot who doesn't know how to use a Whizzinator or the internet.


19
Jun 09

Thanks a lot Ryan Braun, now I’ll never get laid

Ryan Braun and his ex-girlfriend

Great. This is just what I fucking needed. The same fucking day that I FINALLY work up the courage up to ask this cute temp Lauren out on a date and get fucking DENIED because she's "just coming out of serious relationship and needs some me time" whatever the FUCK that means, Ryan Braun decides to break up with his girlfriend and announce it on Kiss fucking FM. Fuck you Ryan Braun. Why didn't you just come to my work during lunch break and do it?

Are you fucking kidding me? You think that just because you're some good looking baseball player with his own clothing line that you can just hog all the hot chicks in Milwaukee? Is that what you fucking think? Because I have something to tell you, SOME girls aren't into all that. SOME girls aren't into your stupid fucking t-shirts. SOME girls aren't into your tongue wagging and showboating. SOME girls like guys like me, guys they can talk to about their feelings who won't try things on the first date. SOME girls want a guy who they can tailgate with who out drinks all his friends, not some asshole who is friends with A-Rod. Why don't you fucking call back the Bachelor or something? Why do you have to steal all the girls from regular guys like me? Guys like me who pay your fucking salary asshole!

I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, this has been like the worst week ever. The thing with Lauren was one thing, but then I asked for this other girl's phone number who I met at a Brewers game and she had a fucking boyfriend. If you had a fucking boyfriend why were you flirting with me the whole fucking game? I would have had like six more beers and three more brats plus some cheese fries if I knew you had a fucking boyfriend! For fucks sake. I guess I just don't fucking get why this keeps happening to me. No matter what I do I can't seem to get laid. I mean, I'm a nice guy! I'm sensitive! I'll watch Grey's Anatomy with you and I own like every Jason Mraz CD! The other day I bought She's Just Not That Into You On-Demand just so I had something to talk to Lauren about at work. We see how fucking good that worked out. I just want someone to talk to! Someone to fucking care about! It's not enough that I have to compete with all these assholes who work out and have a drivers license, I also have to compete with Ryan fucking Braun? Fan-fucking-tastic. Why don't you just kick my dog while you're at it? Thanks a lot Ryan Braun, now I'll never get laid. Asshole.

[RightFieldBleachers]


10
Jun 09

Ryan Braun turns down the Bachelor

So did you hear that Ryan Braun was offered a spot on ABC's The Bachelor? It's true.

We weren't at the meeting, but we know a few Hollywood Insiders who know things. Things like "Fox has no idea what they're doing" and "NBC used to be a lot better", even things like "what happened when Ryan Braun met with ABC executives". Continue reading →


05
Jun 09

Your weekend over and unders

caged_lionIt's been a strange week in Miller Park Drunk land. A long baseball conversation with Al's Ramblings. More Happy Youngster jokes. All-Star lineups. Finding out that someone else is taking credit for Coffey's music. (That one hurt.) Calling out Mike Cameron on the untuck. It's been fun. Unfortunately, watching Brewers games lately hasn't been. These sorts of these things happen from time to time over a 162 game season. You win three straight, you lose 3 of 4, you win a few more. It's nothing to get excited about. How about that homerun Prince hit yesterday though? Could he have picked a deeper part of the ballpark? Crazy power there.

The Crew (this is how I like to say it, what's up with those people who say Blue Brew Crue? I mean, really?) begin a three game series against the Braves this weekend. The Braves have under gone a makeover this week releasing all-time Brave Tom Glavine, acquiring Nate McClouth and calling up pitcher Tommy Hanson. This isn't exactly the series you'd want come off losing three of four, but you take what you're given and like it in the Major Leagues. The MLB is like Oliver Twist that way.

Anyways, for those of you watching the gamesĀ  this weekend here's a few things to look out for and bet on with your friends.

Weekend O/Us

  • 15: FSN mentions of their Twitter page.
    Speaking of Twitter, our friend and yours Tom Haudricourt is now on Twitter and occasionally posts.. things. Today he tweeted that rumors in Boston have them getting JJ Hardy. I think it's pretty ridiculous that someone with access to the general manager would post something like this. The Boston media thinks of the rest of the majors as their farm system, but fails to realize that a contending team wouldn't trade one of their keys guys in a pennant race. That's fine. What's not fine is the Milwaukee writer who doesn't even realize it. What an idiot.
  • 3: Times Tommy Hanson is called a "phenom", "future star" or "whiz".
  • 85: Times you hear the name "Nate McClouth". Trust me they are going to go on and on and on about this.
  • 13: Beers I drink tonight.
  • 5: Bill Hall strikeouts.
  • 1: Times Joe Mauer tells Elton John he's a top, not a catcher.
  • 2: Times a Brewers leaves the game early. Seriously, it seems like this has been happening every game!
  • 3: People who skip our grilling guide and still pour the gas over the metal. Bastards.

Alright, that's enough of that. We're going away for the weekend. Maybe take the boy to the zoo since the Brewers are out of town. Afterall, it's never too early to teach your son what monkeys having sex looks like.


03
Jun 09

The Miller Park Drunk E-Mail Show with Al of Al’s Ramblings, Part 2

chevychaseshowWe now bring you part two of our e-mail conversation with Al of Al's Ramblings for The Miller Park Drunk E-Mail Show. Part two is a bit longer than part 1 as we get into Rickie Weeks, Mike Cameron, post-2009, potential trades, JJ Hardy, Manny Parra and the future of the team. We started to hit a groove towards the end there and we're happy with the results. This is probably the most actual analysis you'll ever see us do, so enjoy it while you can.

MPD: Bill Hall is a great example of casual fans not thinking things through. Bill Hall was beloved for hitting those 35 home runs, then was considered an overpaid let down (both with the bat and the glove) as a center fielder. Last season he was routinely booed, the fans wanted Branyan and his numbers didn't do much to prove anyone wrong. Now here we are in 2009 and he's the same player he was last year, but now he should be the starting second baseman. How does that make sense?
Continue reading →

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