18
Dec 09

F Christmas, it’s my frickin’ birthday!

Monday is my birthday, that's right I am one of the very lucky people to be born during the week of Christmas. I know, it's crazy right!? I didn't even know it was possible for people to be born around Christmas! (I've only had people make that observation about 15,000 times in my life and believe me it never gets old. How unlucky could I be!) I have spent the majority of my life having my birthday overlooked. My friends could never come to my birthday party because of "holiday commitments" or I would always get the dreaded birthday-slash-Christmas present which, honestly, makes you feel like a second class human being. You see these other people are worth two separate gifts, one for their birthday and one for Christmas, but you? You, you little bastard, are only worth one gift combined! Honestly, you have no idea how much we love your brothers more than you! You couldn't even imagine how much we don't love you, but trust us it's A LOT! We're getting divorced and it's all your fault! Y0u think I'm kidding? I can only remember one Christmas in my lifetime that I got separate birthday and Christmas gifts. For my birthday, Super Mario World for Super Nintendo! For Christmas? A Super Nintendo! That's right, I had to wait FOUR DAYS to play with my birthday gift. Thanks a lot, mom and dad.

Lest you think I am bitter, I have figured out how to move past this and start loving my birthday again. No, I didn't convert to Buddhism. (Those people don't celebrate shit.) I just figured out how to make it work and here's how I did it. Call it:

Drinking Heavily Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love My Birthday Continue reading →


15
Dec 09

Welcome to Boston Mike Cameron

redsoxfanIn case you haven't heard the best team in baseball have signed Mike Cameron in a wicked pissa deal to be their newest future Hall of Famah, that totally locks up the 2010 championship. Ya frickin' douchebag of a editah was too busy cryin' in his beer cheese soup to update today so he ask me ta do it. And lemme tell ya, I haven't been this excited since the Sawks won the Series. Mike Cameron is a killa ballplayah and the smahtest fans in baseball will appreciate him way moah than you Milwaukee loozahs.

This move couldn't have come at a bettah time to furtha establish Boston's dominance over all tha othah cities. The Pats are cruising their way to anothah playoffs,  just playing coy until the time is right to take down Peyton Manning and the Colts. The Celtics have won eleven in a row and probably won't lose evah again. Da Broons are dominatin' the NHL like the glory days of Bobby Orr. The Sawks adding Cameron is the perfect toppah to what looks to be another championship year for the greatest city in America, Baston Mass! Continue reading →


25
Nov 09

Thanksgiving Drunkstravaganza

thanksgivingI love Thanksgiving so, so very much. It combines a few of my favorite pastimes: overeating, drinking heavily, not doing anything, punching family members in the face.  If we could figure out a way to transfer Thanksgiving to the parking lot at Miller Park in mid-August this would be the greatest holiday of all. It still is (why? none of that whiny God shit), but that would make it just that much better like a finger in your asshole during a blowjob. I mean, ummm.... I just... uhh, ummm yeah. So ANYWAYS, Thanksgiving is awesome and I like to consider myself an expert in the holiday. Do I know how to cook turkey and do stuff with the gizard and whatnot? Fuck no. I know how to make this holiday legendary. I know how to turn Thanksgiving into Thanksfuckingyeahgiving. Want to have an awesome holiday? Tired of deciding to go to the movies because you are so bored? Tired of pretending to care about a Cowboys game or using mock outrage that you don't get the NFL Network? Miller Park Drunk is here to guide you through the greatest holiday of them all. Continue reading →


23
Nov 09

Fine! You win! The Molitor lot is cool!

molitorJeez. You people are crazy for this place.

nfeuerer

It's an extra 150 yards to save $7 I can use on beer.

Poonix

@millerparkdrunk you sir are horribly misinformed. Giants lot is the best lot. Fast exit, pee hill, sax guy playing eye of the tiger

TheBigBuckZZZ

This guy doesnt know what hes talking about. RT @millerparkdrunk Molitor gets the shaft in new Miller Park Parking Lot http://bit.ly/1OiKND/

michael_denis
@millerparkdrunk the 'molitor' lot is the biggest party lot of them all! $8 parking, not $20. Maybe you'll make it in by the 6th, maybe not

Some Random Drunk
That lot is the best lot at MP.

Some Random Drunk
I have to agree, the lot is not too bad of a place to park. Easy in and out and not really that much further that the back of Fingers or Money, which is preferred parking thus costing more. I think Yount got more of a shaft that Molly.

Al
Vince, the other commenter is correct, they named the three big lots after the three biggest names…Molitor’s happens to be a ways away. As for who got a bad draw, did you see the Spahn lot? That might be Potawatami’s parking garage.

Some Random Drunk
The Molitor, Yount, and Uecker lots are where I usually park for games. These consist of the average Brewer fan looking to enjoy the game for a reasonable price in general parking; its really not a far walk. I think Spahn got the shaft here. That lot is terrible: theres no tailgaters, full of miller park workers, and you walk next to a junkyard on the way in.

Okay, I get it. I do. People like that lot. Sorry for bashing it.

In my defense I come from the south and normally park in the Uecker or Yount lots. When I get to a preferred game late they will push you forward towards the Spahn and Molitor lots. In order to get to the Molitor lot from that side you have to drive on some crazy back road (which I assume is where the Spahn lot is located, next to the meth lab) and then under a creepy bridge. I had to pay a troll toll to get inside Molitor's hole. Once there? The party was great, but I wanted to get to the game and I had to walk quite awhile to get there. (Through a parking lot! Under an interstate! Through a traffic light! Through all of preferred!) That's all. Sorry for dissing your favorite lot weirdos.


06
Nov 09

Going to an Admirals game is like going to a Brewers game at a County Stadium

millerparkdarkThere is a deep hole in my soul right now. It's been about two months now since I have been to Miller Park and the hole is pretty big. I've been trying to fill it up with something,  anything, but nothing seems to be working. I've tried it all yoga, reading, crack cocaine, PCP, shadowboxing, jogging (pronounced yogging), everything and nothing seems to work. Perhaps it was divine intervention, perhaps something else but last week I got invited to go on a bus to a Milwaukee Admirals game. Could this be the thing to fill the hole in my life?

In a word, no. In a lot of words, sort of. Let's look at the facts. Continue reading →

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