Your weekend over and unders

Baseball June 5th, 2009

caged_lionIt's been a strange week in Miller Park Drunk land. A long baseball conversation with Al's Ramblings. More Happy Youngster jokes. All-Star lineups. Finding out that someone else is taking credit for Coffey's music. (That one hurt.) Calling out Mike Cameron on the untuck. It's been fun. Unfortunately, watching Brewers games lately hasn't been. These sorts of these things happen from time to time over a 162 game season. You win three straight, you lose 3 of 4, you win a few more. It's nothing to get excited about. How about that homerun Prince hit yesterday though? Could he have picked a deeper part of the ballpark? Crazy power there.

The Crew (this is how I like to say it, what's up with those people who say Blue Brew Crue? I mean, really?) begin a three game series against the Braves this weekend. The Braves have under gone a makeover this week releasing all-time Brave Tom Glavine, acquiring Nate McClouth and calling up pitcher Tommy Hanson. This isn't exactly the series you'd want come off losing three of four, but you take what you're given and like it in the Major Leagues. The MLB is like Oliver Twist that way.

Anyways, for those of you watching the gamesĀ  this weekend here's a few things to look out for and bet on with your friends.

Weekend O/Us

  • 15: FSN mentions of their Twitter page.
    Speaking of Twitter, our friend and yours Tom Haudricourt is now on Twitter and occasionally posts.. things. Today he tweeted that rumors in Boston have them getting JJ Hardy. I think it's pretty ridiculous that someone with access to the general manager would post something like this. The Boston media thinks of the rest of the majors as their farm system, but fails to realize that a contending team wouldn't trade one of their keys guys in a pennant race. That's fine. What's not fine is the Milwaukee writer who doesn't even realize it. What an idiot.
  • 3: Times Tommy Hanson is called a "phenom", "future star" or "whiz".
  • 85: Times you hear the name "Nate McClouth". Trust me they are going to go on and on and on about this.
  • 13: Beers I drink tonight.
  • 5: Bill Hall strikeouts.
  • 1: Times Joe Mauer tells Elton John he's a top, not a catcher.
  • 2: Times a Brewers leaves the game early. Seriously, it seems like this has been happening every game!
  • 3: People who skip our grilling guide and still pour the gas over the metal. Bastards.

Alright, that's enough of that. We're going away for the weekend. Maybe take the boy to the zoo since the Brewers are out of town. Afterall, it's never too early to teach your son what monkeys having sex looks like.

How to start a fire in a charcoal grill

Food June 5th, 2009

drunk-guy-passed-outA few weeks ago I went to the Brewers game with some friends from work. One of the girls I work with brought her boyfriend who brought his grill. My original thinking when I saw this was "sweet, now I can just drink and mess around while this dude cooks." However, after about five minutes I realized this dude had no idea what he was doing. It was a mess. Pouring the lighter fluid on the coals without removing the cooking surface, rearranging the coals once it was starting to go, covering the top completely. It was a mess and I just couldn't believe that someone wouldn't know this. It drove me nuts. So I guided him along and when everything was all said and done we all enjoyed some lighter fluid tasting burgers. Hooray.

Here's the thing, I don't want to do this again. It wasn't fun. I don't want to have to show people how to do these things. This is something that people of a certain age should know. I don't know how to clean a fish. It's embarassing, but it's true. It's embarassing because I should know how to do it. Before the next time I go fishing, I'm going to figure it out. I'm going to go on google and figure it out and then when I'm out there doing it wrong and my friend says something to me I can say "oh man, it's been awhile" and play it off. That's what this is for you, dude that doesn't know how to start a grill. Try to remember what you can and when you screw it up and someone says something to you, you can just go "oh man, first tailgate of the year" and everything will be all good.

  • First of all, if you don't know what you are doing buy the self-starting coals. A piece of paper, some matches and you're done.
  • TAKE THE GRILL PART OFF.
  • If you don't get those however, here's how you do it. Build your coals in a pyramid-esque shape, only flat at the top, Like an A without the ^.
  • Pour some lighter fluid if you want, but paper works a lot better. Not notebook paper, but like a paper bag that you get from the grocery store. This will get your coals going. Maybe a little lighter fluid, but don't overdo it. Try and remember that it is GAS and gas tastes like crap.
  • Once it gets going, don't mess with it. Leave it alone. Put the cover on, but only half way. Or leave the vent open on top if it's a windy day. Don't move them around, don't do anything. Just let them burn. Drink a beer.
  • They are ready when they all look ashy grey and they are warm. I feel ridiculous even writing this.
  • Coals last longer than you think they do, you don't need to add more. Here's how you know your coals aren't good anymore: they aren't there anymore. That's how you know you need to add more.
  • Dispose of them properly. Nobody thinks a dumpster fire is funny. It's really just annoying.

So, you got that? You can skip half of those and as long as you remember not to mess with them and take the grill part off, we're fine. Seriously.

Tonight is what it means to be young

Baseball May 29th, 2009

In some ways you could say that the Reds are the new Brewers. Young talent up and down the lineup. Exciting prospects, endless possibilities. The only difference is when the Brewers were young and upcoming they had a manager in Ned Yost whose sole job was to make them comfortable and make them into steady Major Leaguers by letting them work their way through trouble. The Reds? They are managed by Dusty Baker. Who has ruined a few pitchers career in his life and prefers players like Corey Patterson over unproven youngsters. Say what you will about Ned Yost, but I am happy we've never had a Dusty Baker-esque manager around these parts. We wouldn't be where we are without him. If you don't believe me just ask Mark Prior. Or Aaron Harang.

Should be a good series this weekend. All three pitching matchups are good. I was at both losses to the Cardinals and it wasn't very fun, but at the same time I did see a few signs of life and the day off had to have helped. I might go to the game tomorrow night, haven't decided yet, but if you do have a few for me and when you hear the Ultimate Warrior music during Todd Coffey's entrance have a few more. It's all we ask for really.

Next week should be fun as we're rolling out another cool new feature. Until then, I'm going to eat some mexican food and drink some beer. Have a good one.

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Braun’s Big Day

Baseball, Shop May 5th, 2009

Yesterday I had my first softball game of the season. It was a win for The People's Champs so that was nice, but words can't really describe how tired and sore I am. Maybe I should re-think this whole Miller Park Drunk, drinking beer and eating delicious foods lifestyle (pause for laughter). Yesterday was a pretty big day for me, but it really pales in comparison to the day of Ryan Braun.

Ryan Braun

/wakes up

/pisses excellent

Ryan Braun: Well I am off to the doctor for my MRI now.

20 minutes later...

DOCTOR: Ryan, there is nothing wrong with you.

Ryan Braun: Yay!

DOCTOR: In fact you are a perfect human being. You are what Hitler had in mind when he seeked to create a super-race, which is ironic because..

Ryan Braun: Sorry Doc, can't talk. I have to get to Pittsburgh.

/gets into car

Ryan Braun: Oh no I need gas.

/stops at gas station

GIRLS: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WE ARE TOTALLY FREAKING OUT

/smiles

GAS STATION ATTENDANT: Don't worry Mister Braun, this one's on me!

Ryan Braun: Sweet!

/drives down the block, a mad woman runs up to his car

MAD WOMAN: My baby! My baby! Someone save my baby!

/runs into burning house

/saves baby

/smiles

/arrives at airport and gets on the plane

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: For your in flight movie we will be showing The Goonies.

Ryan Braun: Yeah!

Two hours later..

/checks cellphone, 1 new text message

DIGITAL KEN MACHA: we r down 2 we need u k? lol ttyl

Ryan Braun: I don't think he knows what lol means.

/arrives at ballpark instantaneously

/dresses in a matter of seconds

/pinch hits

/hits game-tying double

/smiles

[pic via CuteSports]

A word about Brewers fans

Fans April 20th, 2009

drunk-fightBugs and Cranks with a piece about how both Cubs and Brewers fans are douches, but on Opening Day 2009 the Brewers fans were the bigger douches. Normally, I would come to the defense of such an article but at this time I agree completely. Most of the "Brewers fans" I saw on Opening Day weren't Brewers fans at all. They were fans of being drunk and obnoxious more than anything. I can honestly say that there were more Brewers fans to annoy me on Opening Day than Cubs fans. Now, for once in my life there was actually more Brewers fans there than Cubs fans but the point stands. Below are some of the complaints that Cubs fans have issued and my responses to them.

  • Relentless verbal attacks (colorful language) on both young and elderly fans.

Not sure how I feel about this one. I am not the biggest fan of swearing in general, especially around kids, but Cubs fans are THE WORST at this so I don't really care to hear it.

  • Gesturing and taunting of pre-teen female Cubs fans to perform sexual acts.

Come on.

  • Throwing items.

Definitely not a fan of this. If someone's throwing stuff have them thrown out. It's not that difficult, in fact it's kind of fun.

  • Pouring beer on fans/down their shirts.

This is just wrong. Who would waste beer? They cost $6.75!

  • Tampering with vehicles.

Not cool.

  • Dumping charcoal ashes in front of Illinois plated cars.

Not cool.

  • Pieces of broken beer bottles placed under cars and tires.

Seriously, how old are you? That doesn't even work.

  • One fan reported being intentionally cutoff in their vehicle.

Really? Someone from Illinois is going to complain about driving? Really?

Here's the thing, Cubs fans are going to act like douches. There is no denying it, it's just a fact of life. You don't really have to do anything to entice them into douchery, it just comes naturally. Here's a great example, on Saturday my friends and are I were in our seats when in front of us this drunk lady looking like she just stepped off the set of a Larry the Cable Guy movie started screaming at these Cubs fans sitting next to us about how bad these guys sucked. Now, the whole game these Cubs fans were quiet and polite never stepping into the idiocy we tend to associated with Cubs fans. My friend decides to tell this lady to shut up because A) it's annoying and B) she believes that as Brewers fans we shouldn't stoop to doing stuff like that (ie like Cubs fans do). An argument insued and this lady ended up losing rather badly, but basically she came to the defense of these Cubs fans. So what happens? Soriano hits a home run in the ninth and they IMMEDIATELY turn into douchebags. This wasn't like someone turning into a zombie after a bite, this was like the moon rose and they were instantly transformed, like were-douches. Did this cause us to regret it? No, it didn't. The fact still remains is that we don't do stuff like that in Milwaukee because we aren't the dumb ones.

And you know what? Despite all these complaints listed above (and I am sure there are many more) I still saw more Cubs fans thrown out of Miller Park last weekend than Brewers fans. The Cubs fans may outnumber us and at times they may even be louder than us, but we should accept that as long as they don't out-douche us. Forget taking back Miller Park, we need to give back the douche. I'd rather be outnumbered, out yelled, out drunken and everything else than an asshole.

Have you entered our contest for two free Brewers tickets yet? All you have to do is become a fan on facebook, not that hard.

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