16
Aug 12

Brewers? Brewers who?

I've been struggling to think of things to write about the Brewers lately. At one point I wanted to write a post about how Jim Henderson is the GREATEST CLOSER IN BREWERS HISTORY, but I obviously missed that bandwagon. Who would've thought that Honey Boo Boo's 15 minutes of fame would last longer than Jim Henderson's 15 minutes of being a good reliever? (Don't answer that. Sports betting sites wouldn't even take that action.)  I'll probably write something about how awesome Aramis Ramirez has been or how the offense has been exactly what we dreamed it would be, but I can write those things anytime. Watching the Brewers lose in walk off fashion night after night just sucks the motivation to write Brewers things out of me so I'm just not going to do it. Let's talk about something else. Let's talk about these three things instead. Continue reading →


30
Nov 09

10 Best Brewers of the Decade

waynesworldtoptenI like to read hastily put together lists that make people angry. Just today I read a list of the best 10 TV shows of the decade that somehow included Modern Family despite it only having aired like six episodes. What a joke, right? Always in search of links and angry comments I decided today would be a good day to put together my own hastily top ten list. Enjoy. Continue reading →


20
Oct 09

Why Felipe Lopez won’t be back

felipelopezAdmittedly I am the internet's biggest Rickie Weeks fan (check out this post that looked so awesome on Opening Day) so perhaps I am a bit biased, but I don't think Felipe Lopez will be back next season and I don't even think there is a chance. Why do I think this? It's simple. This quote from Doug Melvin:

"We view Rickie as our second baseman at this point."

Or in other words, Felipe Lopez won't be back.

Now, make no mistake about it the Brewers WILL offer him arbitration. I think that could be part of the reason they traded for him in the first place. (Last season when the Brewers traded for CC Sabathia they had a plan. Make the playoffs and then replace the farm system they lost through picks from Sabathia and Sheets signing elsewhere. Only one of those two things happened and the system wasn't as deep as it might have been therefore they weren't as free to make a move this season. That's just a theory of mine though.) The fact is he's a Boras client coming off a great season and Boras thinks he can get more than a one year deal in the open market, but for a second let's just say he accepts arbitration. Could he be back? Continue reading →


07
Jul 09

Doug Melvin strikes down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger

Ryan Braun I know [Melvin] is trying to make our ballclub better. I know he recognizes the importance of making a move and making it soon. But at the same time, I think everybody's recognized there's a lot of teams that are still in th--
Doug Melvin /shoots Chorizo
chorizo /dies
Doug Melvin Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that, eh. Please, continue. You were sayin' something about how you think I should do my job eh?
Ryan Braun [silence]
Doug Melvin What's the matter? Oh, y-you were finished eh? Oh, well allow me to retort!

What does Bernie Brewer look like?

Ryan Braun What?
Doug Melvin /flips over bench

What country you from?

Ryan Braun What?
Doug Melvin "What" ain't no country I ever heard of, eh! And I would know aboot a country called "What", eh. They speak English in "What"?!
Ryan Braun What?
Doug Melvin ENGLISH RYAN BRAUN DO YOU SPEAK IT EH?
Ryan Braun YES
Doug Melvin Then you know what I'm saying? Describe what Bernie Brewer LOOKS like, eh!
Ryan Braun What?
Doug Melvin /points mustache at Braun

Say what again. I dare you, I double dare you motherf@%&r say what one more goddamn time, eh!

Ryan Braun He-he-he's white.
Doug Melvin Go on, eh.
Ryan Braun He has a big yellow mustache.
Doug Melvin Does he bring joy to children?
Ryan Braun What!?
Doug Melvin /slaps Braun with mustache

DOES HE BRING JOY TO KIDS, EH!?

Ryan Braun YES!!
Doug Melvin Then why you trying to f@%& that up? Why you trying to demoralize the people in the organization at a time when we should be pulling together. It puts a bad taste in our mouths.
Ryan Braun I didn't!
Doug Melvin Yes you did. Yes. You. Did, Ryan. You tried to demoralize people in the organization and Bernie Brewer don't like to be f'd by anybody except Mrs. Brewer.

Do you read the Journal Sentinel Ryan?

Ryan Braun Yes.
Doug Melvin God, why? The Bible is so much better. There's this passage I've got memorized, sorta fits the occassion.
Ryan Braun Ezekiel 25:17?
Doug Melvin No, that's not even a real passage, eh. It's Deuteronomy 21:18-21.
Doug Melvin "Suppose a man has a stubborn, rebellious son who will not obey his father or mother, even though they discipline him. In such cases, the father and mother must take the son before the leaders of the town. They must declare: 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious and refuses to obey. He is a worthless drunkard.' Then all the men of the town must stone him to death." Eh.
Ryan Braun /ponders

That's kind of insane.

I think I know what I have to do.

Ryan Braun enters the locker room carrying a large box.

Ryan Braun /throws Remetee shirts in the air

Free shirts for everybody! Even you Mike Burns and Seth McClung!

Doug Melvin Sigh, eh.

/walks the Earth like Caine

Years later.

Doug Melvin /dies of autoerotic fatality
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