When the press release for Jim Hendry's new book How to Finish Near Last Place with the Highest Payroll in the League was first circulated through the Miller Park press box this past weekend it was widely thought to be a hoax by someone attempting to be funny and probably not an all together good attempt at that. So imagine our surprise when in our inbox we received a copy of the new book for review. It's not nearly long (or good) enough to write a lengthy review on and at times we had trouble reading the Comic Sans font the book was written in, but it is... interesting and is probably the closest we'll ever get to an "inside view" of the general manager position by an acting (for now) GM.
The book opens with a foreword by Lou Piniella that starts off nice enough thanking Jim Hendry for the opportunity to write for the foreword and also to manage Cubs, but after about two sentences it quickly devolves into an airing of grievances against everyone in baseball who has ever slighted him. By the last paragraph every sentence is typed in all-caps with multiple profanities interlaced within. The foreword ends, tellingly perhaps, with Piniella writing:
AND F*CK YOU TOO STEVE STONE LETS SEE YOU MANAGE A F*CKING TEAM.
HOPE YOU ENJOY THE F*CKING BOOK, BUT I'M NOT GONNA F*CKING READ IT.
Surprisingly when Hendry takes over the book doesn't change very much in tone from Piniella's foreword. Each chapter addresses a common complaint among fans about his work with an impassioned defense of the move followed by a "summary" of the point he was trying to make. While it may sound unnecessary, it is very helpful as Hendry has trouble making his points and often loses sight of the original topic by going into tangents about those "a-holes in the bleachers" and various local radio DJs.
I won't spoil all of the summaries, but I will cover a few of the ones that were leaked in the press release. Continue reading »
So I know what I said before about never coming back, but I just couldn't help myself when it comes to the 2010 Cubbies. The Cubs are too damn good NOT to write on the internet about! This Is The Year. Plus, I couldn't stand the thought of that douchebag Vince writing some stupid crap like "we don't think the Cubs are that good this season". Hey buttface, it's only you! There is no we! 'We' would imply you had friends, which you don't.
Before I get to the Cubs, I want to say a few things about some of the things that have been going on at this god forsaken site lately.
I don't see what everyone's problem with Ryan Braun's restaurant hiring good looking people. We do this in Chicago all the time. You know why? Because if we hired a fat girl to work at Giordano's she'd eat all the pizza!
Here's something I actually agreed with, the Opening Day post. I love Opening Day because I can go down to Wrigley Field about 8am and start doing Jager bombs. I usually get so drunk I totally miss the game, lol. One time my boy Danno got so wasted he got thrown out of the bleachers. That's like getting arrested in jail. Classic. I never miss Opening Day.
You people in Milwaukee have some crappy tattoos. You need to get some cool barbed wire around your muscle like me. You'd probably have to stop eating cheese and actually work out to do that though. NEVERMIND!
Finally, this pro wrestling post may be the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. What's next, MPD? What Star Trek characters are Brewers? What Dungeons N Dragons guys are Brewers? What Brewer would be the best at World of Warcraft? Way to show your nerd colors, nerd.
Enough of this stupid Brewer talk because the BREWERS SUCKKKK!. Let's talk about a real baseball team. Let's talk about YOUR CHICAGO CUBBIES! Continue reading »
Earlier this week a rumor got started that the Brewers trading for Zack Greinke was IMMINENT. Not only that, but JJ Hardy, Manny Parra, Mat Gamel and Angel Salome were all going to Kansas City in exchange for him! Fox6 reported this on twitter and it was picked up by a few other outlets. I even had one of my good friends call me on the phone and ask me if I had heard we were getting Zack Greinke. My reply? "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." And now, shockingly, it's all gone. There is no trade, it was just a silly internet rumor. Who could have seen that one coming?
Now, on paper this trade sounds great for the Brewers (well, not really because the team would still need someone to replace Parra's production and that's a lot of offense to let go of but let's just roll with this.) The Brewers would acquire the person who should win the 2009 Cy Young award. The player who was the best player at his position in the league last year and he would fill a position that the Brewers sorely need help in. They wouldn't give up a single player of their 2010 Brewers starting lineup and they'd have a great, young pitcher who is locked up for the next few years. The Brewers absolutely nailed this fake trade and we can just go ahead and pencil them in for the 2010 World Series.
Outside of my man-crush Mike Cameron hitting two home runs and my buddy Jeff snagging a Prince foul ball that nearly broke his hand, I don't really have much to say about yesterday's game. It was not that good of a game and there were WAY too many Cubs fans. (I guess stubhub having Loge Infield for $9, Bleachers for $1 and Terrace Reserved for $0.50 is too much for some Brewers fans.)
Whatever, I don't want to talk about it. I want to talk about beer, man. I love beer. It's so good and cold and makes you feel funny. It makes girls prettier and people think I'm funnier when I drink it. It makes $70 purchases at the team shop seem okay. I'm convinced that Ken Macha is drinking beer most of the time because I think using Corey Patterson in any situation would seem like a good idea if you were drinking beer. Beer is so cool.
The thing is I go to enough games that I know the best way to drink beer. The best places to get it and everything else. Here's a little guide about it.