Ryan Braun turns down the Bachelor

Baseball June 10th, 2009

So did you hear that Ryan Braun was offered a spot on ABC's The Bachelor? It's true.

We weren't at the meeting, but we know a few Hollywood Insiders who know things. Things like "Fox has no idea what they're doing" and "NBC used to be a lot better", even things like "what happened when Ryan Braun met with ABC executives". Read the rest of this entry »

Your 2009 MLB All-Star Lineups

Baseball June 1st, 2009

as_08_800

Have you heard about the 2009 All Star game? The Brewers are basically in the top two of every single position. This is pretty exciting for Brewers fans and I was really curious to see how it was going to turn out. To find out I contacted a local mathematician* and had him crunch some numbers for me to figure out how this thing is going to end up. This is what he came up with.

American League

National League

C: Crash Davis
1B:
Richie Sexson
2B: Jarrod Washburn
3B: Who cares?
SS: Spencer's creepy flesh colored beard
OF:
Ichiro
OF:
Dave Navarro
OF: Terence Mann
C: Jason Kendall
1B: Albert Poo-holes lol
2B: Rickie Weeks
3B: Who cares?
SS: JJ Hardy
OF: Ryan Braun
OF: Mike Cameron
OF: Anyone but Gary Sheffield

*By local mathematician I mean a guy I met at a bar who wrote this on a napkin for me.

The Remetee is the experience

Fans May 29th, 2009

Say, have I ever told you how stupid I think Ryan Braun's shirt line is? I haven't? Oh man, I hate them. I think they are stupid. I would never wear one of those things! Why, only an idiot would want to wear one of those right? Right? Ummmm.... right?

Apparently not. Apparently these shirts are HIP. Remetee is probably the biggest thing to hit the scene since Kris Kross decided to wear their pants backwards (because inside out was wiggity wiggity wack). Celebrities and athletes of all shapes and sizes wear them. Everyone from American Idol runner up Adam Lambert to Jerry Rice wear them. WWE "wrestler" Gene Snitsky (who once killed a baby I believe) wears Remetee. Even musicians and producers like Sleepy Brown and System of a Down bassit Shavo wear them. These celebrities wear these shirts with pride and make them look good doing it. Remetee has arrived and celebrities love them. That being said, not every celebrity can make them look good. Some people maybe you shouldn't be photographing in these shirts if you want them to sell.

Like Carrie Prejean, the controversial Miss California, who gives the Remetee shirt the look of "hating gays".

Carrie Prejean

Do you want me to take this off now?

Or tennis pro Marat Safin who gives the shirt the "volleyball scene from Top Gun" look.

marat-safin

After the picture you'll introduce me to A-Rod?

Tom Green gives Remetee the "I dated Drew Barrymore once. No, really I did. I used to be somebody." look.

tom-green

My bum is on the shirt, bum is on the shirt. Get it? Because I had that one song?

None of these models are quite as offensive or say to the potential shirt buyer "STAY AWAY" as much as Yovanni Gallardo does.

yovanni gallardo

Am I doing it right, Ryan? Do I look cool?

No, Yovanni. A million times no.

If you are interested in buying a Remetee shirt all you have to do is go to another site because Miller Park Drunk does not support anyone wearing these.

(Thanks to Rachel for the tip.)

Make way for the Prince

Baseball May 28th, 2009

We now take a break from gloating about SINGLE HANDEDLY changing Todd Coffey's entrance music to talk about Prince Fielder.

Prince Fielder is either the best or the second best player on the Brewers. Period.

No matter how you measure it he is more valuable than anyone on the team not named Ryan Braun. Yet, I think of all the Brewers he gets the least amount of respect and it doesn't make a lick of sense to me. Consider this: if Prince Fielder hits 20 more home runs this year and then 30 home runs next year (which is a HUGELY conservative estimate) he would be #6 on the Brewers all time list. Two more and he's tied for fifth, he even has an outside chance of tying Cecil Cooper for 4th (he'd have to average 43.5). He is basically GUARANTEEED to have the sixth most home runs in Brewers history. That's crazy. He's currently second to Ryan Braun (who else?) for 2nd best OPS in team history and he's right there with Sexson and Braun in At bats per home run. He's hit more home runs in a season than any Brewer ever has. Basically, Prince Fielder is one of the greatest power hitters Brewers fans have ever seen. So where's the love?

Now, I'm not saying that he's not liked. He is liked, I just think that his contributions aren't as appreciated as they should be. He's always expected to do more, play better defense, hit more home runs, everything. Whenever people talk about trading someone to improve the pitching (which is so horrible that it ranks 6th in the National League) Prince is the first person brought up (in the interest of fairness, these people are idiots). I'm here to tell you that getting rid of Prince Fielder is the equivalent of throwing in the towel. This team does not make the playoffs without him. The team is lucky to finish .500 without him. Furthermore as fans of the team, we should want to hang onto Prince for as long as possible. We are witnessing a GREAT power hitter that most teams aren't as lucky to see come through their system. I just don't get it. Why doesn't Prince get the adulation he deserves?

Possible reasons:Prince Fielder

  • Crappy at-bat music (see above)
  • Despite terrible at-bat music, it's still better than fan favorite Corey Hart's
  • Decided to become a vegetarian after reading a book called Skinny Bitch
  • Weight issues remind fans too much of their own
  • Manny Parra fans still upset Prince nearly killed him
  • #28 reminds fans of the film 28 Days Later bringing up unresolved zombie issues
  • Not Ryan Braun

If Prince was on a lot of other teams he would undoubtedly be that team's best player, but since the Brewers have Ryan Braun he's the second banana. It's not fair, it's just the way it is. Prince is still amongst the top 30-40 players in Major League Baseball, unfortunately for him his teammate is in the top 10-15.

After this post I will consume a bottle of pills

Baseball May 19th, 2009

pills

Here is a list of our tweets yesterday:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

i need a drink. put me on suicide watch, weeks is don for the year

Here's some tweets I received:

SconnieGirl808@WisconsinTeams @millerparkdrunk - Wait. What?! WTF is happening???

thegnc@millerparkdrunk Oh for fucks sake. Link please.

thischarmingham@millerparkdrunk god just loves pissing in week's cheerios

Rickie Weeks is now out for the season. The recovery time on his injury is 4-6 months meaning that even in a best case scenario he won't be back for the playoffs. If there are a playoffs. One of my best friends claims that this is the best thing to ever happen to the Brewers. My friend is an idiot. Outside of the golden trio of Braun/Fielder/Gallardo, Weeks is the last person this team wanted to get hurt. Hart, Hardy and Hall are all replaceable. There isn't a single player on this team that can take his place at leadoff. Counsell is better at defense and matches his eye, but the power/speed combo isn't there. You can lead off Corey Hart, but you lose some OBP (perhaps a lot of it). You can lead off Kendall, but you lose every single thing Weeks does well and gain nothing except whiteness and metal knowledge. You can lead off... that's about it actually. Does a team need a true leadoff hitter to win it all? Not at all, but it certainly helps and it certainly hurts to have one and lose him.

Unfortunately, this isn't Baseball Mogul (which is probably a good thing because Baseball Mogul HATES the Brewers for some reason) and you can't just move Hardy to second and call up Escobar to play SS. You have to work with what you have and deal with players feelings. Hardy doesn't want to move and if he doesn't want to, you probably can't make him. Then even if you could do that, who knows if it would even work? It's not like Escobar is hitting in AAA. Weeks is gone and as of right now the best replacement for him is a Counsell/McGehee platoon. Call it whatever you want, but this is not a good thing. It's bad. Bad for the team. Bad for Rickie. Bad for me.

I am emotionally invested in Rickie Weeks. I saw him play in Double A. I watched his debut. I tracked his career. I've had him on fantasy teams. Most of all, I believed in him when no one else did. I knew the talent he had and I knew that if he ever figured it out, he'd be a pretty damn good second baseman. Guess what? He figured it out. This was theĀ  season that he became a pretty damn good second baseman and now it's over. Will he be good next year? He should be and I can't wait to bust out my Weeks jersey on Opening Day 2010, but it's still 2009. The race is too close to call and losing Rickie Weeks for the season hurts this team more than any of the other NL Central contenders have been hurt thus far.

The Brewers are a great team, but without Rickie? We'll see.

Now if you'll excuse me I am going to induce a seizure and swallow my own tongue.

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