02
Jun 10

Chris Capuano tells a good comeback story

MLB: Brewers v Rangers June 8, 2007

The state of Brewers pitching in 2010 is not good. Jeff Suppan is a twelve and a half million dollar mop-up man, who doesn't actually know the difference between a mop and a sandwich. Manny Parra continues to prove that it's more likely that people will stop talking about Brett Favre than it is for him to figure it out and become an effective starter. Trevor Hoffman continues to make us hate AC/DC and Randy Wolf has been solid, but completely unspectacular, interesting, intriguing, surprising or interesting. It's not been a fun two months, to say the least.

In search of pitching, Brewers fans have thrown their hopes behind young men with mustaches, freakishly tall men with 7-foot boa constrictors and a guy named Zach with a goatee from New Jersey. However, some people (your author included) are throwing their hopes and dreams behind another. A man who once won 18 games in a season, but  also pitched in 22 straight losing games in another season. A former All-Star who hasn't pitched in three seasons and once appeared as a Brewer on The Young and the Restless. A pitcher who is very likely an insufferable douche based on where he went to college (it's Duke, as if I had to clarify) and actually owns a Segway. The pitcher is Chris Capuano and after 32 months away from the major leagues he is poised to start his first game for the Brewers since Amy Winehouse was relevant. To say the least, it's been awhile. Continue reading →


18
Jan 10

Brett Favre (Brett Favre)

One of the first things we decided when coming up with the idea of Miller Park Drunk was that we would never, ever, under any circumstances write about the Green Bay Packers, football or Brett Favre. I guess some rules were made to be broken.

waiter

WAITER: Are you two gentlemen ready to order?

Continue reading →


27
Oct 09

Ryan Braun’s Tavern and Money Pit

moneypitI've heard so many rumors that Ryan Braun was opening a restaurant in Lake Geneva for so long that I just assumed that it was true. (Kind of like Rod Stewart having his stomach pumped.) I've know about this for awhile, but didn't want to post about it just in case it wasn't true. One day the sign out in front of the restaurant was changed to say "COMING SOON BRETT FAVRE'S STEAKHOUSE" which was funny, but also made me think that there was no way it was Braun's place because no way he'd think of something that funny. Well, it all turned out be true and yesterday news started to trickle out about it, topped off by the great Adam McCalvy doing a full write up. In the write up McCalvy says:

A group of investors led by Madison lawyer Patrick Sweeney finalized a licensing deal with Braun and Major League Baseball this month. The group is spending more than $1 million on upgrades to a former Mexican restaurant at 430 Broad St. in Lake Geneva, a resort community about 50 miles southwest of Milwaukee's Miller Park, and the idea is to open for business within 6-8 weeks.

And then:

He got a first-hand look at the progress of the restaurant on Sept. 6, the same day Braun and his teammates executed their now-famous celebration of Prince Fielder's 12th-inning home run that beat the San Francisco Giants.

Now I've worked in and around restaurants for most of my life and if there is one thing that has been said at each and every establishment that I have been fired for drinking from it's this: "The most expensive seat in a restaurant is an empty seat." With the idea being that you can have the best service, best food, stiffest drinks, the sluttiest waitresses and everything else in the world, but if there is nobody there to eat it the restaurant will fail. By their own doing this restaurant has had it's door closed since September and all summer long before that. Why? To spend over $1 million on upgrades to a place that wasn't that messed up to begin with. Of course. Continue reading →


05
Oct 09

Why Miguel Cabrera is an a-hole

miguel-cabreraLast week I did a playoff preview where I went through each team individually and tried to pick a favorite (and it looks like I'll be an honorary Coors Field Drunk for the rest of this month). I went through each of the playoff teams and decided that the Tigers were going to win the division. The Twins had something like a 5% chance of coming back and I didn't think they would do it. Here's what I said.

(Skipping the Twins. They aren't coming back.)

That's it. I didn't even feel the need to justify it and now they are in a one-game playoff for the AL Central title to be played tomorrow.

(Quick tangent on this: Each year the MLB holds a series of coinflips in the event of tiebreakers to decide the home team. The Twins won this coinflip. (As lar pointed out in the comments this has been changed, but the overall point still stands.) Now, why wouldn't the MLB look at the schedule and say "You know, we want these tiebreakers to take place on Monday. We don't want either team gaining an advantage and we want the playoffs to start on Tuesday. Even though you won the toss, if you can't have that game on Monday, we're going to have that game on Monday in Detroit. Sorry." How hard would that be? The playoffs take forever as it is, why add a day because Brett Favre unretired?)

So, the Tigers play the Twins in a four game series and they split it when everyone says the Twins need to win 3 of 4 to have a chance. Then they sweep the Royals while the Twins fall apart against the White Sox. WHY? Why does this happen? I don't really care about either team at all, but I don't like to be wrong. Who likes to be wrong? Who is responsible for me to possibly be wrong? Miguel Cabrera, that's who. Continue reading →


22
Jun 09

Jarrod Washburn would like to return to Wisconsin

Last week Erik Bedard made the case to be a Brewer. This week his Mariners teammate Jarrod Washburn makes his case to be a Brewer. You know he's from Wisconsin right? He is, he went to UWO and is from La Crosse.

Jarrod Washburn

Let me tell you something about Erik Bedard: screw that guy. He's a jerk. One time he asked me if I wanted to go curling with him and I just told him that whatever he does in his free time is his business, but that he should keep that fag crap away from me. You guys don't want him in Milwaukee, he's Canadian. You want someone who understands what it's like in Wisconsin because he is from Wisconsin. A guy who likes hunting, Brett Favre, drinking beer and eating fish fry. A true Wisconsinite through and through.

I've been in Seattle for a few years now and you know what they got for fish fry? Nothing. What they do have is a poached salmon in a blackberry cream sauce served with a pan fried organic green tomato or some crap. Who the hell wants to eat that? I miss potato pancakes.

I'm currently having one of my best seasons with a 3.24 ERA at age 35 which is in no way weird. Some people think that it's because of the outstanding outfield defense I have behind me, but don't listen to them. I'm pitching great. Not only that, but I don't have that stupid slant-eyed catcher back there messing up my game plan. I'm in the midst of my greatest season and would love to take my success out of this queer town and back to Wisconsin. I'm so excited I could almost guarantee a playoff spot. Almost.

(You see, I was kinda wondering if maybe I could just play with the team until 9/12? That's the first day of bow hunting season and it's not like I am going to show up in the playoffs anyways (at least the World Series). Whitetail, on the other hand, are just about the smartest animals in the world and I want to bowhunt them to prove that I'm smart too.)

I'd really like to be a Brewer because it'd be nice to go to a clubhouse that isn't filled with gays and foreigners who don't speak American. I'm sure you'll be fine with Suppan and Looper (I mean, it's not like we're that different), but I think you could really use me and I'd love to be back.

seattlehippy

Please? That guy is a season ticket holder.

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