04
Nov 09

The Next Big Thing in Milwaukee is Brandon Jennings

You probably don't come to a site called Miller Park Drunk to read about the Bucks. We don't really care, it's our blog we'll write what we want. Don't believe me? Tomorrow we're talking about the Admirals. Seriously.

brandon-jennings-is-a-buckBrandon Jennings is the most important athlete in Wisconsin not named Rodgers, Fielder or Braun.

There, I said it. It's out there and I can't take it back. After watching the Bucks take on the Chicago Bulls last night, I feel this stronger than anything I've felt since I said that The Happy Youngster was a douchebag. I've made my fair share of Bucks jokes in the past and I've even made fun of Brandon Jennings before, but I had no idea he was this good. I had no idea that he'd be, within three games, the best point guard the Bucks have had since Sam Cassell flew away on his spaceship.

Looking back maybe we should have know. I mean, look at his Wikipedia:

In his senior year of high school, Jennings averaged 32.7 points, 7.5 assists, 5.1 rebounds and 3.7 steals per game and set the school record for points in a season. This performance earned him some of high school basketball’s most prestigious awards: the 2008 Naismith High School Basketball Player of the Year, 2007-08 Gatorade Player of the Year (Virginia), 2008 Parade Magazine Player of the Year and 2008 EA Sports Player of the Year.

I mean, they don't just hand out the awards for "Best High School Basketball Player in the Country" to just anybody. Kenny Anderson (more on him later), Jason Kidd, Kobe Bryant, Lebron James, Dwight Howard and Kevin Love are a few past winners of the Naismith Award. It's not like this guy just came out of nowhere. Then again as a guy drafted #10 overall in a draft that Bill Simmons called "the worst draft class since the infamous Kenyon Martin Draft in 2000" by a team whose recent draft history includes Joe Alexander and Yi Jianlian (not necessarily saying Yi is a bust, I just like typing his name) he wasn't quite a "sure thing" either. Put it this way, Brandon Jennings didn't even show up for the 2009 NBA Draft because his agent wasn't sure if he'd get picked in the first round (leading to him showing up in the middle of the draft to get his picture taken with Stern.) He hardly played in Europe and everyone forgot about him. One day, this will be considered one of the greatest things that ever happened to both the Bucks and Brandon Jennings. Here's the others: Continue reading →


29
Sep 09

Miller Park Drunk Grill Walk 2009

Once a website or a person gets a certain amount of success and influence in the world, they tend to want to give back to the community (unless they're a real asshole). You see this all over the place. Actors, musicians, bloggers, all doing stuff for free and the proceeds going to a worthy cause. I think that I've reached the point in my career where it's my turn to give back to the community, but what should I give back to? Cancer? Been done. AIDs? Done. Homelessness? No thanks.

You see when I give back, I want it to be something that really matters to me. Something near and dear to my heart. Something like... tailgating, but how do I give back to tailgating? Well, let's have my dear friend from Wisconsin Sports Tap explain. Continue reading →


06
Jul 09

Ryan Braun has a funny way of inspiring people

Ryan+Braun+Darren+Hauck+AP

Hey, you. Mark Burns? I'm sorry, Mike Burns. Listen Mark, I want to talk to you about your pitching. It's not good. I'm just going to come right out and tell you right now that if Dave Bush comes back from the DL, I am sending you down to the minors. We're also looking into some trades right now and if we find the right fit, we will demote you. Just wanted to let you know.

Same goes for you too Seth. We probably won't release you or send you to the minors, but you're definitely out of the rotation. I won't have it. I might actually decide to trade you if you keep this up.  Just so you know, nothing personal. I just find you to be a terrible pitcher and don't really like you as a person. Nothing personal though.

Hey Mr. Mustache, are you going to make a freakin' trade or what? Do I have to do everything for myself around here? Get me some help. We can't spot every team four run leads. Seriously, how hard is your job? Pick up the phone and do something.

Prince, put that down. Don't eat that. Dammit man, we're All-Stars. Eat like one. I don't care if it's a veggie burger, Krispy Kremes are not buns.

What are you looking at Corey? Why don't you get a freakin' haircut and shave your face? You're a Milwaukee Brewer, not a Milwaukee Meth Cook.

Yo A-Dub, cool shirt. With that being said, learn how to write would you? You misspelled home run last week. I don't need that.

'Oh look at me, I'm Casey McGehee. I'm getting all these hits, but I can't even play the field.' Come on, man. Even I can play third base better than you.

Speaking of third base, where's Bill Hall? He better be in the batting cage so help me God.

Hey Jeff Suppan just wanted to congratulate you on pitching so well for the first time in your life. Great work.

You guys know what would be cool to have on our team? A pitcher that hits like a pitcher batting 8th. Oh wait we already have that. His name is Jason Kendall. Nevermind.

Macha take Willie with you and go get my dry cleaning. It's the least you could do to help this team.

Braun out.


29
Jun 09

Jeremy Jeffress was gonna pitch, but then he got high

high timesAs I am sure you have heard by now the (arguably) best pitching prospect in the Brewers system, Jeremy Jeffress was suspended for 100 games. He tested positive for marijuana for the second time in his career. Now, we can get into all the "smoking pot is not that bad!" stuff another time. The fact is that it's illegal to smoke pot and it's against baseball's rules to smoke pot and this guy smoked pot and got caught (twice). If he does it again and gets caught he will be banned from baseball for life. Fair? Probably not, but those are the rules and when you work in an industry where the starting paycheck is six figures you can probably stand to follow a few rules.

The best part of this whole deal, is Jeffress' manager who had the gall to say this:

"Jeremy is extremely remorseful for what happened and will be voluntarily checking himself into a rehab facility to deal with his problem," Kusnick said. "Jeremy is sick and needs help. We are here to support him in getting his life back. Right now, the most important thing is to help him get his life back, and baseball will take care of itself.

"He is sorry for letting everyone down who believes in him."

He can't possibly be serious can he? He knows we're talking about pot right? To quote Bob Saget in Half Baked "I used to suck dick for coke. Now that's an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?" You can't have a "problem" with marijuana, you can't be "sick and need help", people don't overdose on weed. If he wants to "get his life back" maybe he should just, you know, not smoke pot. That's all he has to do. There is no addiction to kick and he doesn't need rehab, he just has to put the bong down. That's it.

Unfortunately, I don't see him ever doing that. I've been around people who smoke pot my entire life. Know how many have quit? Zero. Guess what those kids getting high behind the dumpster at Burger King before a sixth grade dance are doing today? SMOKING POT! Guess what my mom is doing right now? The same thing she did when she was pregnant with me, SMOKING POT! Once you reach the point in your life when you are listening to a Phish album and think to yourself "hey, this is pretty good," you're done. It's over. You are going to smoke weed for the rest of your life. You don't care if it costs you jobs or relationships because smoking weed is fun and it makes watching professional wrestling THAT MUCH COOLER.

So don't give me that "Jeffress has a problem" crap, the only problem that Jeffress has is that he's an idiot who doesn't know how to use a Whizzinator or the internet.


05
Jun 09

How to start a fire in a charcoal grill

drunk-guy-passed-outA few weeks ago I went to the Brewers game with some friends from work. One of the girls I work with brought her boyfriend who brought his grill. My original thinking when I saw this was "sweet, now I can just drink and mess around while this dude cooks." However, after about five minutes I realized this dude had no idea what he was doing. It was a mess. Pouring the lighter fluid on the coals without removing the cooking surface, rearranging the coals once it was starting to go, covering the top completely. It was a mess and I just couldn't believe that someone wouldn't know this. It drove me nuts. So I guided him along and when everything was all said and done we all enjoyed some lighter fluid tasting burgers. Hooray.

Here's the thing, I don't want to do this again. It wasn't fun. I don't want to have to show people how to do these things. This is something that people of a certain age should know. I don't know how to clean a fish. It's embarassing, but it's true. It's embarassing because I should know how to do it. Before the next time I go fishing, I'm going to figure it out. I'm going to go on google and figure it out and then when I'm out there doing it wrong and my friend says something to me I can say "oh man, it's been awhile" and play it off. That's what this is for you, dude that doesn't know how to start a grill. Try to remember what you can and when you screw it up and someone says something to you, you can just go "oh man, first tailgate of the year" and everything will be all good.

  • First of all, if you don't know what you are doing buy the self-starting coals. A piece of paper, some matches and you're done.
  • TAKE THE GRILL PART OFF.
  • If you don't get those however, here's how you do it. Build your coals in a pyramid-esque shape, only flat at the top, Like an A without the ^.
  • Pour some lighter fluid if you want, but paper works a lot better. Not notebook paper, but like a paper bag that you get from the grocery store. This will get your coals going. Maybe a little lighter fluid, but don't overdo it. Try and remember that it is GAS and gas tastes like crap.
  • Once it gets going, don't mess with it. Leave it alone. Put the cover on, but only half way. Or leave the vent open on top if it's a windy day. Don't move them around, don't do anything. Just let them burn. Drink a beer.
  • They are ready when they all look ashy grey and they are warm. I feel ridiculous even writing this.
  • Coals last longer than you think they do, you don't need to add more. Here's how you know your coals aren't good anymore: they aren't there anymore. That's how you know you need to add more.
  • Dispose of them properly. Nobody thinks a dumpster fire is funny. It's really just annoying.

So, you got that? You can skip half of those and as long as you remember not to mess with them and take the grill part off, we're fine. Seriously.

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