16
Sep 09

Why do you guys hate me (us) so much?

My summer home in Lake Geneva

My summer home in Lake Geneva

I have been a Cubs fan all my life ever since the day my mom dropped me off at my dad's and he sat me down in front of the TV when I was two years old and told me to stop crying and watch the Cubbies. I watched Harry Caray that day and I thought "I wish this guy was my dad." (KIDDING POPS!) I was hooked from the start. Since then I have attended numerous Cubs games both at Wrigley and in Milwaukee. Yet every time I have gone to Milwaukee and every time I have written for this website, I have been hated. WHY?

I don't get it. I have been going to Wisconsin my whole life. We have a summer home in Lake Geneva. We spend money at your restaurants. We pay your parking tickets. We go to your ballpark and we sell the place out. Then we stay in your crappy hotels (can a brother get a Drake Hotel?) and eat at your crappy restaurants (oooh fried cod, how original). Yet when we show up at the game we get shit on. What did we ever do to you? Besides, you know, be better than you at baseball. Continue reading →


15
Sep 09

Haray Caray Preview Tonight’s Game

Well, yesterday I promised you a very special guest writer today and here he is, HARRY CARAY!!!!!! Also, follow me on twitter!

harrycarayHello again everybody and welcome to the Miller Park Drunk game preview of the, uh, Cubs and Brewers live from, uh, Wrigley Field. *coughs* Lemme tell ya, being dead is tough business. Ho lemme tell ya. It a beautiful day for baseball here at Wrigley Field and the Cubs look to win their second straight against the Milwaukee Brewers. Boy could I go for another cold Budweiser right now, Steve. I remember one time we were in Milwaukee when I was announcing for the White Sox, lemme tell ya I had one too many Budweisers and I woke up in a place that,  uh, I couldn't even pronounce the name of but it had those two, uh, those two dots over a couple of the letters and the worst part about it was I had no pants on! Holy cow. I much prefer to sleep in my own bed, but I guess that's what happens when you take a pill given to you by a stranger. Speaking of strangers, Steve, this woman came up to me that night and she told me she was a big Cubbies fan and then grabbed my package. She says to me, she says "Harry" and I said, "yes" and she says "is that your package in my hand?" and I looked her straight in the eye and says to her I says "It could be. It might be. It is!" I'm just pulling your chain there Steve. Man am I glad I was dead for that Bartman thing.

Hopefully the Cubs can get a win tonight and send some of these fans home happy. You know what makes me happy? Those Asian massage parlors, ho-ly cowww. Let's get some runs!


15
Sep 09

Guide to Sneaking in Booze

BoozeBeltI don't know about you, but I can't make it through a nine inning baseball game (or church) without drinking some hard liquor. Man, I love getting wasted! Anyways since I am an old pro at this from sneaking booze into Wrigley I thought I would help you out. That's right, it's time for...

Miller Park Drunk's Guide to Sneaking in Booze Continue reading →


15
Sep 09

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: The Happy Youngstr

thehappyyoungsterThe Happy Youngster is a much maligned character among Brewers fans because he caught a baseball and wanted to get something in return for it. To a guy like me he is pretty damn cool. I wear my glove to every game, but I haven't caught anything. This dude? According to his website he's caught over 50 game home run balls, WOW! I shot him an email to tell him that we wouldn't be making fun of him as much and he was kind enough to grant me an interview.

WFD: Mr. Youngster, can I call you Happy?

THY: Actually I'd prefer you didn't. Haha, just kidding.

WFD: Dude I just spit my Mountain Dew out that was so funny.

THY: lol thats funny I am drinking Mountain Dew too. Continue reading →


14
Sep 09

Meet the new boss, much cooler than the old boss

neweditor

WAZZUP BITCHEZZ????

Welcome to the NEW and IMPROVED Miller Park Drunk. I'm Chad and I am the new boss (and yes that is me bombin' two Old Styles at once,WHAT). Your prolly thinking "why is this dude in a Cubs jersey who can drink two Old Styles at a time and is obviously a pimp buying a site called Miller Park Drunk? Well, if there is one thing I have learned in my life it's that you don't have to like the Brewers to get drunk at Miller Park! Heck, you don't even have to like baseball! In the history of Miller Park the best drunks have ALWAYS come from Chi-town.

look at me i'm the old editor, i'm a stupid faget

"look at me i'm the old editor, i'm stupid"

For real though, I been reading this website for awhile and thought it was pretty frickin' funny. I just knew that I could make it better. How? By making it about the Cubs, DUH!!!! So I took some money out of my trust fund and gave that idiot who was running it an offer he couldn't refuse (fifty bucks, a 12 pack of Milwaukee's Best and the issue of Playboy with Sable from WWF.) You Wisconsin folk are so simple.

Things are gonna be a bit different around here now. First order of business is to make up for all the dumb stuff this idiot said before. Like who doesn't like a good retro jersey? My prized possession is my autographed Sosa jersey. I'm not supposed to wear that just because he's not on the team anymore? BITE ME MILLER PARK DRUNK! Did Paul Moliter ever hit 60 homers in a season? Didn't think so! How about Robin Yount? No? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Anyways that's enough for the day I gotta head down to the Cubby Bear for a little pregame before the Cubs WHOOP some Brewers ASS tonight. That's right, Ryan Braun does my taxes. I'll be the dude in the autographed Sosa jersey sipping on Old Style. If you see me come say whats up and maybe I'll give you a little tug off my flask. Jack Daniels? YOU DAMN RIGHT JACK DANIELS.

Tomorrow we should have some more awesome, way better than before stuff including a VERY SPECIAL GUEST WRITER who I think kicks total ass and more stuff that kicks ass. Have fun watching the game tonight, I know I will.

PREDICTION: Cubs 17 Brewers 1. Theriot hits for the cycle.

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