Ten Christmas Gifts NOT to buy a Brewers fan

Off-Base December 23rd, 2009

santaTomorrow is Christmas Eve and most of you are probably already checked out for the holiday, but just in case you are like me and completely irresponsible, waiting til Christmas Eve to buy anyone anything than I have a list for you. I can't tell you what anyone wants (probably something involving their cellphone), but I can tell you what they DON'T want. So here's 10 Christmas gifts you shouldn't get for that Brewers fan in your life, don't worry there is still time to return it! Read the rest of this entry »

F Christmas, it’s my frickin’ birthday!

Off-Base December 18th, 2009

Monday is my birthday, that's right I am one of the very lucky people to be born during the week of Christmas. I know, it's crazy right!? I didn't even know it was possible for people to be born around Christmas! (I've only had people make that observation about 15,000 times in my life and believe me it never gets old. How unlucky could I be!) I have spent the majority of my life having my birthday overlooked. My friends could never come to my birthday party because of "holiday commitments" or I would always get the dreaded birthday-slash-Christmas present which, honestly, makes you feel like a second class human being. You see these other people are worth two separate gifts, one for their birthday and one for Christmas, but you? You, you little bastard, are only worth one gift combined! Honestly, you have no idea how much we love your brothers more than you! You couldn't even imagine how much we don't love you, but trust us it's A LOT! We're getting divorced and it's all your fault! Y0u think I'm kidding? I can only remember one Christmas in my lifetime that I got separate birthday and Christmas gifts. For my birthday, Super Mario World for Super Nintendo! For Christmas? A Super Nintendo! That's right, I had to wait FOUR DAYS to play with my birthday gift. Thanks a lot, mom and dad.

Lest you think I am bitter, I have figured out how to move past this and start loving my birthday again. No, I didn't convert to Buddhism. (Those people don't celebrate shit.) I just figured out how to make it work and here's how I did it. Call it:

Drinking Heavily Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love My Birthday Read the rest of this entry »

Why aren’t you running, Rickie Weeks?

Baseball December 11th, 2009

rickieweeks

Because I can't keep runnin' awayyyyyy-ayy-ayyy.

Well, I have to admit I had WAY too much fun with that. Anytime you can get the most popular Brewers blog on the web to write something like this:

That prompted Miller Park Drunk to launch their "RUNNING" series. I'll link to the Ken Macha and Corey Hart chapters here...the other two are a little too obscene to even be linked from this site.

I mean, that's just a job well done. (Especially considering the Alcides Escobar one was deemed too offensive and that's the only one with a shred of truth.) I have to say I thought THE RUNNING SERIES was a big success.

We're off for the weekend. I think Counsell will re-sign at some point this weekend, but other than that there shouldn't be anything going on. If you need me I'll be at the "World's Greatest Dart Bar" on Sunday, making fun happen. Until Monday, Maas cervezas por favor.

You running, Ryan Braun?

Baseball December 11th, 2009

I am nothing if not a people pleaser so when a commenter requested that we do a story about the Brewers being more open to running next year and "what the Brewers are running from?" I had to oblige and present you THE RUNNING SERIES.

ryanbraun

Ryan Braun, don't run from shit son. I'm a soldier! In fact, I'm about to set the record straight with a freestyle rap that I wrote on my Blackberry. (Ed. note: But Ryan you aren't supposed to write freestyles. Who are you, Drake?) Bitch, stfu. Yo DJ kick that beat. Read the rest of this entry »

What are you running for, Corey Hart?

Baseball December 10th, 2009

I am nothing if not a people pleaser so when a commenter requested that we do a story about the Brewers being more open to running next year and "what the Brewers are running from?" I had to oblige and present you THE RUNNING SERIES.

Phillies Brewers Baseball

Hi, I'm Corey Hart of the Milwaukee Brewers and I want to be your next county commissioner. Are you tired of those potholes on route 11? Are you sick of the graffiti on traffic signs? Can you tell me a good reason we can't turn left on Sage when coming from Swallowtail Drive? Are you, like me, fed up with my opponents lies and rhetoric when it comes to the well being of our beloved county? If you're not you should be and that's why I need good people like you to come support me in this crucial election to decide our county's future. Let's look at the facts. Read the rest of this entry »

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