18
Apr 11

The Milwaukee Brewers got swept by who!?

I woke up this morning and I came to a shocking realization.

I realized that:

  • There was 2-4 inches of snow on the ground
  • Livan Hernandez shut down the Brewers offense
  • The Brewers just got swept by the Nationals

What kind of Bizarro World did I just wake up in? What's with all this snow? Where is the global warming when I need it? And really, who loses both ends of a doubleheader? Besides the Brewers like 400 times already. Who's even managing this team, Ned Macha? Seriously, what is going on here?

That being said besides the snow I don't see any reason to panic. Maybe in retrospect I'd prefer Yovani didn't throw 111 pitches in his second start of the season because he hasn't been the same since, but that will work itself out. (Hopefully.) Let's do something that we never do around here and look at the past three days and maybe come to some understanding about how this sweep could happen. Continue reading →


25
Mar 11

Your 2011 Awesomely Bad Milwaukee Brewers jokes

Who doesn't like a good pun? More importantly, who doesn't love a bad pun?

Baseball can be kind of a boring game in between all the really exciting things that happen. There is a lot of time for conversation and with conversation comes jokes. Good jokes, dirty jokes and most of all bad jokes will be strewn across Miller Park this year more than Miller Lites. You will hear a lot of jokes at the park this year, but almost none of them will be good. You have to learn to expect them so that you aren't caught off guard by them. You need to be prepared for the polite laugh you are sure to give the co-worker you don't really like that much or the lonely uncle who offered to buy your ticket. Luckily for you, we have the inside track on the hottest bad jokes for 2011. We can see them coming before the bad joke teller can and we're going to share them with you right here. Preparation is the key to success. Or something. Continue reading →


31
Dec 10

10 Worst Milwaukee Brewers of 2010

Lost in the shuffle of how awesome 2011 is going to be with the additions of Zack Greinke and Shaun Marcum, was how truly awful 2010 was. Despite our optimism, this team was eliminated by May and had most fans clamoring for a fire sale at the trade deadline. A lot of the reasons for the team's lack of success were stupid ("Ryan Braun is spending too much time on his restaurants and clothing line!"), some of them had basis in reality ("Coffey is eating too much!"), and some of them were just about Ken Macha sucking, but I don't think anyone can deny how much these ten people screwed up the Brewers' 2010 season.

That's right, it's end-of-the-year list time, and instead of looking back on our favorite moments (of which there are two, trading for Shaun Marcum and trading for Zack Greinke), we want to look back on the ten people who screwed the Brewers in 2010 harder than any of the guys your mom brought home. Luckily for us, just like your mom's "night visitors," most of these guys won't be back either. Continue reading →


30
Nov 10

What are they gonna do? Plan #1: Go All In

What are the Brewers going to do this offseason? Who knows? Doug Melvin has seemed non-committal whenever he's asked about anything and nobody else is talking. Prince Fielder is yet to be traded. Rickie Weeks is yet to be re-signed. What does it all mean? Did the top stop spinning at the end?

I don't claim to know what they are going to do or even what they could do, but I can idly speculate. That's why we're bringing you the first in a series: What are they gonna do?

Going for it is the plan that pretty much all Brewers fans want to see. Screw the future, we want to win. You would put up with four 90 loss seasons if it resulted in one World Series win (I doubt this), you wouldn't even complain about it (I highly doubt this). After getting a taste of the playoffs and winning baseball a couple of years ago (three years, really?) we have been starving for more ever since, kind of like your sister after that one time. We want to win. The Cubs sucks. The Astros suck. The Cardinals aren't unbeatable. Let's do it. Let's go for it all. Now.

What would the Brewers have to do to make this sort of thing a reality? Well, I would imagine it would look like this:

  • Keep Prince Fielder
  • Don't trade anyone from the current roster unless that person is Carlos Gomez
  • Trade Jeremy Jeffress, Brett Lawrie, Mat Gamel and every single player it would take for Zack Greinke
  • Offer Cliff Lee twenty five million per season
  • Offer Brandon Webb a 1-year contract loaded with incentives that could see him make $15 million, possibly with a player option for 2012
  • Settle on overpaying Carl Pavano
  • Sign Rafael Soriano or Grant Balfour to three year $30 million contract

This would give the Brewers a great rotation, solidify the bullpen even more while maintaining the core of the offense. They would be, undoubtedly, the favorites to win the National League Central and probably at least an 8-1 bet to make the World Series. This would be the very definition of "going for it". So what's the problem? Continue reading →


02
Sep 10

Searching for Miller Park Drunk

We get a lot of hits from search engines. Almost 3000 last month alone. Sometimes it's people looking for our site who are too lazy to type the address in and other times it's people trying to find pictures of Randy Wolf's girlfriend. Which I love because this is what they find:

That picture gets me every time.

Anyways, some of the search terms are kind of insane and hilarious and we thought it'd be fun to share some of the better ones. Continue reading →