14
Sep 11

Prince Fielder and Nyjer Morgan are mean meanies

In a desperate attempt to stay relevant Sports Illustrated polled 215 MLB players asking them who the "meanest player in baseball" was. I'm unsure of what Sports Illustrated used to define mean, but based on the top 10 it's probably just a poll of "who do you think is an asshole?" Here is that top 10:

  1. AJ Pierzynski (natch)
  2. Chase Utley (Really? But he's so cute)
  3. Milton Bradley
  4. Carlos Zambrano (Seriously, how big of an upset is Big Z and Bradley going behind Utley? That dude must eat babies.)
  5. Vicente Padilla (Who?)
  6. Alex Rodriguez (received 24 votes, all from the Yankees)
  7. Chris Carpenter
  8. Albert Pujols (Two Cardinals? I'm shocked. Shocked, I tell you.)
  9. Nyjer Morgan
  10. Kevin Youkilis (Once again, the Yankees outdo the Red Sox.)

And #13.... Prince Fielder.

Two Brewers in the top 15. Does this mean that we have arrived? I mean, there are also two Yankees, two Red Sox and two Cardinals in the top 15 as well and the only true test of success is how many people hate you. You never hear anyone saying "I hate the Astros" because nobody gives a crap about the Astros. They're just there and then they trade some players to the Phillies and then they're still just there. That's their role. We can't hate them because they don't do anything for us. The Brewers existed in a similar bubble throughout the 90's and maybe, just maybe they have finally broken out of that bubble and other teams are starting to hate us because of how good we are.

Or maybe Prince and Nyjer are just a couple of assholes. Continue reading →


30
Jul 10

I believe in the church of Rickie Weeks

Rickie Weeks is my favorite baseball player. In one of our earliest post I wrote about my fandom for him. When I lived in Alabama I specifically went to see him (and some Prince guy) play in Double-A. He is the first and only of the current Brewers that I've ever bought a jersey for. I've had the "Rickie Weeks sucks"/"No he doesn't and here's why" argument so many times in my life that I can do it while I'm sleeping. And now after all this sitting, waiting, watching, wishing; this season, specifically in the last two months, Rickie Weeks has proven all of my arguments and defenses of him to be worthwhile.  It's been kind of great. I knew he was good, but I never had a clue he could be THIS good.

To be completely honest, I kind of got burned out on the whole "being Rickie Weeks biggest supporter" thing. I'd just been through too much, you know? This team did not live up to the expectations I had for it, whatsoever and the fact that Rickie Weeks personally let me down a few times was the icing on the cake. I took it out on him. Watching him strike out three times in game-on-the-line scenarios in an extra inning loss to the Pirates really did a number on me. Especially considering I bet beers on him having a good game that day.

The turning point for me came on Wednesday, June 9th a night game against the Chicago Cubs at Miller Park. The Brewers were losing to Carlos Zambrano, Randy Wolf was giving up homeruns at a breakneck pace and this was like the 30th game in a row that the Brewers had lost while I was wearing my Rickie Weeks jersey. So I did what any fan who was pissed at his team and in the midst of his eleventh or twelth beer would do, I threw my jersey into the stands. Continue reading →


05
May 09

10 Shirts More Racist Than Zambrano Mows My Lawn

mexican stereotypeThe blog world is abuzz with news of a racist Carlos Zambrano shirt. Personally, I find the "Cardinals take it in their Poo-holes" far more offensive. Couldn't they just put Pujols? Do they really think people wouldn't get it unless they added the words "poo" and "holes"? Or what about those Fukudome shirts that said "Horry Kow"? That's pretty racist (like Breakfast at Tiffany's racist.)

Honestly, I don't care. If dumbass people want to wear dumbass shirts, I say let them. Go right ahead and wear your douchebaggery on your sleeve. It makes me look better. As for the t-shirt manufacturers, is that really the most racist you could do? If you're going to go for it, GO FOR IT. Here's ten Carlos Zambrano t-shirt ideas that are much more racist than Zambrano Mows My Lawn.

10. Zambrano did my roof.

9. 4 home runs. 20 kids.

8. Zambrano came to this country on a boat.

7. Zambrano picks good lettuce.

6. Bigger Miracle: Cubs winning the World Series or Zambrano taking a shower?

5. Zambrano only eats tacos for dinner.

4. I keyed Zambrano's low rider.

3. Zambrano: Drunk since 2001.

2. Zambrano's mom is my maid.

1. Carlos Zambrano: World's Tallest Mexican

You see, it's funny because he's Venezuelan.


09
Apr 09

What Yovani Gallardo’s start and home run mean

ap-brewers-giants-baseball3

Carlos Who?

Last night could have been one of the most important starts in the history of baseball. The implications of Yovani Gallardo's performance and three run homer may lead to the end of global warming, world peace and an end to the crime against humanity that is the seventh inning beer sale cutoff. Last night's start was the dawning of the Age of Aquarius. This is not to say that the Brewers clinched a playoff spot last night and that Gallardo clinched a Cy Young, it's just that if this is the pitcher we are getting this season those things become a hell of a lot more likely. In fact here's a list of other things that become a hell of a lot more likely:

  • Ken Macha looking like a genius
  • Jack Zdurencik looking like even more of a genius
  • Jet packs
  • First black president
  • Two chicks at the same time
  • University of Wisconsin becoming the new ASU
  • Carlos Zambrano becoming irrelevant
  • People forgetting all about that fat guy

Basically, instead of all that giant squid crap Ozymandias should have just waited until Gallardo was born, got hurt and then returned to hit a home run off Randy Johnson.


17
Feb 09

And the winner for Best Rapist looking mustache in the National League goes to..

CARLOS ZAMBRANO OF THE CHICAGO CUBS!


Carlos Zambrano: rapist

(AP Photo)

Couldn't have gone to a better guy.

[Wrigleyville23]

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