29
Sep 09

Miller Park Drunk Grill Walk 2009

Once a website or a person gets a certain amount of success and influence in the world, they tend to want to give back to the community (unless they're a real asshole). You see this all over the place. Actors, musicians, bloggers, all doing stuff for free and the proceeds going to a worthy cause. I think that I've reached the point in my career where it's my turn to give back to the community, but what should I give back to? Cancer? Been done. AIDs? Done. Homelessness? No thanks.

You see when I give back, I want it to be something that really matters to me. Something near and dear to my heart. Something like... tailgating, but how do I give back to tailgating? Well, let's have my dear friend from Wisconsin Sports Tap explain. Continue reading →


17
Aug 09

Steroids or Why it’s good to be a Brewers fan

muscle_building_steroids4I don't give a crap about steroids. I really, really don't. It annoys me when people talk about them. It annoys me when I have to read about them. It drives me crazy to read hack after hack talk about how baseball isn't pure anymore and that things will never be the same and blah, blah, blah. Every week a former star comes out and says he "did it the right way". (By the way, do you know why you did it the right way Joe Morgan? Because you didn't have a choice! 268 career home runs is pretty impressive for a guy your size, but 400 would be a lot nicer wouldn't it? Exactly.) Only a few like Daryl Strawberry admit that they would have done steroids. Unfortunately Daryl would have also huffed cans of Pam, smoked roofies and shared jankem with Keith Hernandez if given the chance. It just goes on and on and very few times, if ever, do you read something where the writer is logical and even handed.

Bill James is the most recent example of someone using logic and he makes some good points. He basically says that science doesn't stop and that we will continue to have drugs in our society that help us live longer and stay young. Staying young means staying good at baseball and it will only get better in the future and one day we will look back on this time and think "no big deal." He then goes on to say that most people will live to be 200 years old, have 24-hour boners and that a method of time-warp will be developed that will attract the attention of an advanced alien race called Vulcans who will then make first contact with Earth. So he's mostly right, except for the part about the Stargate and flying cars.

The thing is none of it really matters. Continue reading →


08
Jun 09

50 Brewers related sexual innuendos

michael_scott2jpgLet me get personal for a second here. I love, like love love ))<>(( love love <3 love myspace love, sexual innuendos. I love saying that'swhat she said. Besides my friend Emily I probably say it more than anyone I have ever met. I just love them. Whether they are actually meant in a sexual way, just meant to be funny or just plain stupid, I love them. So why not combine two loves? Why not list a few of my favorite Brewers related sexual innuendos? Why not list ONE HUNDRED FIFTY of them?

Sounds like a plan. Continue reading →


05
May 09

Braun’s Big Day

Yesterday I had my first softball game of the season. It was a win for The People's Champs so that was nice, but words can't really describe how tired and sore I am. Maybe I should re-think this whole Miller Park Drunk, drinking beer and eating delicious foods lifestyle (pause for laughter). Yesterday was a pretty big day for me, but it really pales in comparison to the day of Ryan Braun.

Ryan Braun

/wakes up

/pisses excellent

Ryan Braun: Well I am off to the doctor for my MRI now.

20 minutes later...

DOCTOR: Ryan, there is nothing wrong with you.

Ryan Braun: Yay!

DOCTOR: In fact you are a perfect human being. You are what Hitler had in mind when he seeked to create a super-race, which is ironic because..

Ryan Braun: Sorry Doc, can't talk. I have to get to Pittsburgh.

/gets into car

Ryan Braun: Oh no I need gas.

/stops at gas station

GIRLS: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WE ARE TOTALLY FREAKING OUT

/smiles

GAS STATION ATTENDANT: Don't worry Mister Braun, this one's on me!

Ryan Braun: Sweet!

/drives down the block, a mad woman runs up to his car

MAD WOMAN: My baby! My baby! Someone save my baby!

/runs into burning house

/saves baby

/smiles

/arrives at airport and gets on the plane

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: For your in flight movie we will be showing The Goonies.

Ryan Braun: Yeah!

Two hours later..

/checks cellphone, 1 new text message

DIGITAL KEN MACHA: we r down 2 we need u k? lol ttyl

Ryan Braun: I don't think he knows what lol means.

/arrives at ballpark instantaneously

/dresses in a matter of seconds

/pinch hits

/hits game-tying double

/smiles

[pic via CuteSports]


20
Apr 09

A word about Brewers fans

drunk-fightBugs and Cranks with a piece about how both Cubs and Brewers fans are douches, but on Opening Day 2009 the Brewers fans were the bigger douches. Normally, I would come to the defense of such an article but at this time I agree completely. Most of the "Brewers fans" I saw on Opening Day weren't Brewers fans at all. They were fans of being drunk and obnoxious more than anything. I can honestly say that there were more Brewers fans to annoy me on Opening Day than Cubs fans. Now, for once in my life there was actually more Brewers fans there than Cubs fans but the point stands. Below are some of the complaints that Cubs fans have issued and my responses to them.

  • Relentless verbal attacks (colorful language) on both young and elderly fans.

Not sure how I feel about this one. I am not the biggest fan of swearing in general, especially around kids, but Cubs fans are THE WORST at this so I don't really care to hear it.

  • Gesturing and taunting of pre-teen female Cubs fans to perform sexual acts.

Come on.

  • Throwing items.

Definitely not a fan of this. If someone's throwing stuff have them thrown out. It's not that difficult, in fact it's kind of fun.

  • Pouring beer on fans/down their shirts.

This is just wrong. Who would waste beer? They cost $6.75!

  • Tampering with vehicles.

Not cool.

  • Dumping charcoal ashes in front of Illinois plated cars.

Not cool.

  • Pieces of broken beer bottles placed under cars and tires.

Seriously, how old are you? That doesn't even work.

  • One fan reported being intentionally cutoff in their vehicle.

Really? Someone from Illinois is going to complain about driving? Really?

Here's the thing, Cubs fans are going to act like douches. There is no denying it, it's just a fact of life. You don't really have to do anything to entice them into douchery, it just comes naturally. Here's a great example, on Saturday my friends and are I were in our seats when in front of us this drunk lady looking like she just stepped off the set of a Larry the Cable Guy movie started screaming at these Cubs fans sitting next to us about how bad these guys sucked. Now, the whole game these Cubs fans were quiet and polite never stepping into the idiocy we tend to associated with Cubs fans. My friend decides to tell this lady to shut up because A) it's annoying and B) she believes that as Brewers fans we shouldn't stoop to doing stuff like that (ie like Cubs fans do). An argument insued and this lady ended up losing rather badly, but basically she came to the defense of these Cubs fans. So what happens? Soriano hits a home run in the ninth and they IMMEDIATELY turn into douchebags. This wasn't like someone turning into a zombie after a bite, this was like the moon rose and they were instantly transformed, like were-douches. Did this cause us to regret it? No, it didn't. The fact still remains is that we don't do stuff like that in Milwaukee because we aren't the dumb ones.

And you know what? Despite all these complaints listed above (and I am sure there are many more) I still saw more Cubs fans thrown out of Miller Park last weekend than Brewers fans. The Cubs fans may outnumber us and at times they may even be louder than us, but we should accept that as long as they don't out-douche us. Forget taking back Miller Park, we need to give back the douche. I'd rather be outnumbered, out yelled, out drunken and everything else than an asshole.

Have you entered our contest for two free Brewers tickets yet? All you have to do is become a fan on facebook, not that hard.