The slow news days have begun and due to MLB rules there is only a playoff game once every six days. What do we do? Inspired by our favorite site The Dugout, we've decided to follow our favorite JSOnline writer Anthony Witrado on a quest. A quest to find love, adulation and respect in a cruel world that doesn't understand him or particularly like him. Will he find what he's been seeking? Or will he fail at it, like he's failed at life so many times before? Find out in Witrado's Quest: A Miller Park Drunk Event. Read the rest of this entry »
Remember that one time the Happy Youngster tried to extrort Chris Coghlan for the ball and I called him a douchebag? Well, somehow a 12-year old girl in Florida has made herself look much worse than HY could ever dream of. The story goes:
A 12 year-old girl caught Ryan Howard's 200th home run ball back in July. Afterwards, she was escorted to the Phillies clubhouse and exchanged it for an autographed ball. This being America, she sued (or, I should say, her parents sued) in order to get the ball back. Two days after the suit was filed, the Phillies gave her the ball back.
Actually I take that back, the 12-year old girl didn't do shit. It's her douchebag mother that has made the Happy Youngster look like an okay guy. You see 12-year old's are stupid. I wouldn't trust a 12-year old to walk my dog. You know when you hear about pedophiles going after young girls? They always skip 12-year olds because 12-year olds are too stupid to even get molested properly. If you went up to her and offered to trade her a $5 footlong for the ball she would have done it. She's 12, she's an idiot so I don't blame her. I blame her dumbass mother. Read the rest of this entry »
Just checked out the always enjoyable for all the wrong reasons Anthony Witrado chat from last week and seriously, what is wrong with you people? Are you stoned? I do not like Anthony Witrado, this is well known, but I am starting to think that A-dub is just Charles Manson and the people who participate in these chats are the ones out killing people. Look at some of these questions, it is not pretty.
Q: Michael, Chicago - Thanks for all of your hard work this season Anthony.
Work? He's talking about the time he spends in the mirror adjusting his hat sideways right?
Q: stu pidasso, westallica - hi anthony. just for fun, let's pretend you're doug melvin.
WHY? WHY DO YOU THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA? I've got a better one. Let's pretend you are David Carradine. Here's a belt.
Q: Justink8996 - Do you guys have an update on Alcides "baby mama" drahma? Kinda hard to root for a guy who is a dead beat dad? Guess it would be pretty awkward as a journalist to even ask him about it? "Oh Alcides by the way...." Read the rest of this entry »
Despite the silliness of some fans, the game itself was pretty good. It would have been nice if my favorite players did a bit better (Cameron, Gamel and Escobar went a combined 1 for 10), but Cam did have the first RBI and do one of the most awesome things I have ever seen (more on this later).
The game was cruising along in the fourth when the Brewers managed to load the bases. That was the good news. The bad news was that there was two outs and Jody Gerut was at the plate. At 2-2 I was biting my nails a bit, but then something happened that hadn't even crossed my mind as a possibility. He hit a grand slam... RIGHT TO ME! Read the rest of this entry »
So you say that you are sick of me? Well, I am sick of you too! You say that you want this "stunt" to be over? Well, I want your stunt to be over!
Look dudes I got better things to do than sit around on my computer and clickity-clack on the keyboard about baseball all day. I could go out and, you know, SLEEP WITH WOMEN. I am not a nerd blogger like you guys living in your moms basement. I like to go out and drink and sleep with chicks and update my fantasy team. I like to drive my BMW with the top down listening to Soulja Boy as loud as it goes. I could be shopping at American Eagle right now instead of writing on this stupid blog. I could be drinking a dub rum d (double rum and diet to the uninitiated) at a strip club getting a lap dance right now. Instead I am writing on the internet about baseball? No thanks. Baseball is dumb anyways. I prefer football. Not only that, but I have the best fantasy team ever this year. Check out my roster. Read the rest of this entry »