14
Jan 14

Meet Bernie Brewer’s new best friend: Clark

The Chicago Cubs unveiled their unBEARably cute new mascot this week and his name is Clark and He Is Adorable. No, seriously, I was going to write this thing making fun of them for having this kid friendly new mascot, but then I saw this picture:

Cubs_Mascot_Baseball_Gasp_t653And I fell in love. Seriously, he's like a grown up Teddy Ruxpin. I just want to put tapes into his back and have him read me bedtime stories forever. When it's really cold out I want to curl up next to him and have him take me with him into hibernation land where our dreams will come alive and we will ride unicorns into rainbows. He's the sweetest, most cuddliest mascot I have ever seen.  He's like Bango if Bango worked for a professional sports team. The Cubs really nailed it on this one and I were the Brewers I'd really be worried about losing fans who only liked the team because of Bernie Brewer because Clark makes Bernie look like... well, the Brewers. Continue reading →


26
Jul 11

To trade (for a shortstop) or not to trade, that is the question

To say that Brewers nation is fed up with Yuniesky Betancourt would be like saying drugs made Lindsay Lohan less attractive. It's a gross understatement and it doesn't even tap the surface of what's really going on and what people are thinking. People are tired of Yuni and his bad throws and his one pitch at-bats and everything else he can't seem to do right. There are people who'd prefer to see Josh Wilson and Craig Counsell out there everyday instead of Yuni and it's hard to blame them for it. People want change.

Of course, Josh Wilson and Craig Counsell are not the answer. As nice as they have been as fill-ins they are still just that. Take away Josh Wilson's two early homeruns and his numbers don't look so good. Also, he doesn't wear sunglasses. Craig Counsell, as great as he is, cannot play everyday. The Brewers need a starting shortstop that can start every game and be a positive contributor to the team. Let's try and figure out what the options are and see what (if anything) the Brewers can do about the Yuni situation. Continue reading →


08
Apr 11

Chicago Cubs season preview

The season is just around the corner here and the Milwaukee Brewers are currently one of the favorites in the NL Central, but that doesn't mean it's a sure thing. There are still five other teams that want the title who will be fighting for it all season. Do they have a shot? That's what we're going to find out as we work with fans from other teams to figure out how everything is going to play out and exactly what it is we're dealing with. That's right it's the 2011 NL Central Previews!

Today's Guest: Chad Trixie aka Wrigley Field Drunk

SUP BROS and BRO-ETTES?

It's been awhile, but I couldn't let a Chicago Cubs season preview be written at this god forsaken site without me being a part of it. I know the way that d-bag editor of this site likes to do things, but not on my watch pal!

Before we get to the Chicago Cubs I'd like to talk about myself for a moment. You see, a lot has changed since you last heard from me. For one, I got married. A beautiful girl from Deerfield named Trixie. Yeah, I know, Trixie Trixie crazy right? We met at a bar (where else?) and had this one really awesome night. We did like six or seven Jager bombs and then I drove her home to my place where we got freaky. I lasted like ten minutes, it was awesome. Then I didn't see her for three months and she ends up calling me out of the blue talking about how she wants to get back together and how I was the best lover she ever had and how she wants her kids to look like me and how, oh by the way, she's pregnant. So I was like "oh I like you too" and "are you sure it's mine?" And she's like "of course, you're the only one I've been with" and I was all like "pssh yeah right", but eventually it all worked out and we got married. It was a pretty sweet wedding. Not as good as the bachelor party which was frickin' bonkers, bro. (Four words: triple lapdance in Vegas. INSANE.) The honeymoon was all right, but would have been a lot better if she wasn't all fat and shit. I mean I know it's like my baby in there, but do some situps or something. Jeez.

Yeah so anyways, married with one on the way. Crazy right?

I haven't really had that much time for the Cubs with all this stuff going on. Most of my free time is spent at the titty bar or just drinking with my bros. When I'm home Trixie always wants to watch Dancing With the Stars or American Idol and I'm not really with that. We do watch Jersey Shore together, natch. GTL bro! I've just really been into the Bears and the strike and everything, really. I went to the Bears/Seahawks game in January and me and my bros totally beat this Seahawks fan's ass. It was awesome. But I talked to a couple of my bros about the Cubs and they told me some things, so here's my preview of the Cubbies 2011 season. Continue reading →


29
Sep 10

A brief argument to bring back Ken Macha

Buster Olney said this past week that "unless there is a last-hour change of heart on the part of the Brewers, Manager Ken Macha will not be retained." Is this the right move?

Here's a few facts about Ken Macha and managers in general:

  • Ken Macha does a pretty good job with the bullpen.
  • It wasn't Ken Macha's fault that the pitching was terrible.
  • It wasn't his fault last year either.
  • The offense has remained one of the best in the league.
  • There have been no public feuds with any of the players or among any of the players.
  • Despite what some Kameron Loe fans may say, he's been very good at protecting pitchers.
  • Too much credit is given to managers for a team's success or lack thereof.
  • A great manager is, at best, worth about two extra wins a year.

These are all true things. I didn't just make them up. They are reason enough to give Ken Macha another chance, but they are not why I am arguing to bring him back. The reason I think the Brewers should consider bringing back Ken Macha is this:

Teams with interim managers

Arizona Diamondbacks
Chicago Cubs
Florida Marlins
Seattle Mariners

Teams with managers who are retiring at the end of the season (and are yet to name a replacement)

Atlanta Braves
Toronto Blue Jays

Team that is likely to fire its manager before next season

New York Mets

Team that should fire its manager before next season

St. Louis Cardinals

Team that could have its manager leave because of contract expiry

New York Yankees

Team that question mark

Chicago White Sox

That's ten (eleven if you count the Brewers) teams that could be looking for a new manager this offseason and a lot of those jobs look at lot more attractive to a perspective manager than the Milwaukee Brewers. A few of these teams are larger markets with rich baseball histories. Seattle has better sushi. Toronto is located in Canada. Florida has the best cocaine. Milwaukee is Milwaukee. There is going to be a lot of competition for managers and the best of them are likely not to come to Milwaukee. (That being said, if they were the best they would probably already have a job.) We might not be the first choice of the guy we want.

So what exactly is the point of getting a different person to do the same thing that Ken Macha already does? Or worse, what is the point of getting rid of Macha and hiring someone who does a worse job than he does? If the team wanted to fire him they should have done it back in May when it might have ignited the team or at least inspired the fanbase. Who cares now?

You can't blame Macha for the team's success because he's done the best that he could with what he had. He didn't have any pitching and you can't win with an incomplete team. The team has played hard all season long with no obvious signs of quitting like you see a lot of other teams doing this time of year. I don't think you can fire him based on results and if you can't do that, why fire him at all?

Ghost of Miller Park Drunk's Past says:

Because he batted Corey Patterson leadoff, that's why. Don't you remember? He batted Corey Patterson in the leadoff spot. COREY PATTERSON! ARE YOU F'N KIDDING ME!?

You know one of the things that old school people will say is "at the end of the season, players always hit what's on the back of their baseball card." I would consider Ken Macha to be an old school guy. Therefore, what does he see on the back of this baseball card that I don't? Because all I can see is mediocrity.

Now, it's not so much that he batted Corey Patterson leadoff that has me calling for his head. I mean on it's own that is pretty indefensible, but you could make a rather poor case for it without Hart, Cameron or Braun playing. What really pissed me off though was his use of him in the ninth inning of Monday's game. Namely, he let him bat when Ryan Braun was available.

In the eighth, Braun stepped into the on-deck circle to bat for the pitcher, but ended up not getting to bat. (You can't make the argument that he wasn't available because he was pretty clearly ready to bat in that inning.) Then in the ninth, that pinch hitting spot was taken by Craig Counsell who promptly drew a walk. Now with a runner on first with nobody out and down by only three, what would you do? Call on the best hitter not in the game, Ryan Braun, to pinch hit? The second best, Mike Cameron? The third best? Yovani? Well, if you are Ken Macha you let the absolute worst hitter on your team and quite possibly in all of baseball swing away and ground into a game defining, might as well be game ending double play.

And then after being completely hopeless in that leadoff spot, what does Macha do? BAT HIM LEAD OFF AGAIN THE NEXT DAY.

There is no forgiving rape and there is definitely not any forgiveness for child molesters, but batting Corey Patterson leadoff? ABSOLUTELY NO FORGIVENESS.

Fire this idiot.

Oh. Yeah. Forgot about that. Well..

Suck it Macha!


11
Aug 10

MPD Book Cover Review: Chicago Cubs Cookbook

It is said that looking into Derrek Lee's eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, the Cubs future is always the same.

Let's make Tyler Colvin make a stupid face. No, let's make Tyler Colvin make a stupid face and put a red pepper right in front of his nose! Yeah, it's not like he's our most marketable player or anything.

Hi, I'm Koyie Hill. No, I don't know why I am on the cover of this either.

Hey, let's get Fukudome in there and give him some chopsticks. Get it? Because he's Asian!

It's-a me, Dempster! I hope-a you like a spicy meatball!

You know who we should put on this cover? Alfonso Soriano. I know he's routinely booed at Wrigley Field and he still has four years and almost $70 million left on his untradeable contract, but still. I feel like he should be on there. Maybe something with a lime? He is Dominican, you know. Those people love limes.

I figured so what if he's had a few anger issues? He apologized; Carlos should hold the knife.

Just look at Ted Lilly; he just looks like he's going to be traded to the Dodgers by the time this book comes out.

Two catchers? Really?

Seriously, Dempster is such a douche.

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