24
Feb 12

Ryan Braun wins appeal, long live Ryan Braun

Ryan Braun will not be missing 50 games due to a suspension after winning his appeal against the MLB. This is the best news Brewers fans have received in months. The good guys won. This is awesome, awesome news. This is a reason to celebrate as Evan Rytlewski was kind enough to point out:

Personally, this is the happiest non-game day excited I have been for the Brewers since the Zack Greinke trade. I smiled, I called or texted all of my friends and I did a little dance around the apartment. It was a good day for me. There isn't going to be a need for any "oh wait til we get Ryan Braun back" conversations or blog posts that I wasn't looking forward to having/doing. Now that Ryan Braun has been exonerated on all charges we can finally put this whole ordeal behind us and move on with what really matters: drinking baseball. Right? Continue reading →


12
Jan 10

Gender roles in modern society (the one where we talk about banging a Brewer)

I have a question for the male readers of the site. Have you ever been pondering the offseason moves of the Brewers and thought to yourself "I am glad they re-signed Craig Counsell, he's kinda hot"? I mean, everyone has had that conversation with a friend that starts like "I know you're not gay, but..." and you immediately yell out "DONNIE FROM NEW KIDS!", right? And then after having that conversation you continue on to "Okay I know you are totally straight and stuff, but which Brewers player would you have sex with if you had to?" No? You've never had that conversation with one of your buddies? Not even once? Really? Well, I guess I'll just have to tell you about it then because Tyler and I have had that conversation many, many times and we'd like to share one with you. Why? Because we are so totally okay with our sexuality that we don't care who reads it! We don't care if the guys we are writing about making sweet love to us read it, we want them to! So, like, forward this to them. Please.

Vince: Hey Tyler, I've got a question for you that's been bothering me for awhile and I want your opinion on it. If you had to have sex with a member of the Milwaukee Brewers, who would it be? Continue reading →


30
Dec 09

Best of Miller Park Drunk 2009

LOLBREWERS: Rickie WeeksHey, it's time for one of those year end clip shows that you love so much. You know like that time on Full House when we saw how much we truly loved and appreciated Uncle Jesse after seeing those old clips. There was no need for him to move out of the house with his family, he could just live in the attic!

Miller Park Drunk has only been open a year, but we've published over 300 posts in that time period. Call this the best of 2009, call it The Beginner's Guide to Miller Park Drunk, call it whatever you'd like, here it is.

BEST OF THE BEST

Don't You Forget About the Brewers: John Hughes, director of such classics as The Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink, died this year and the Brewers paid him a tribute.

LOLBREWERS: Can't decide which one was my favorite, either Yovanni's Big Day or First Place Edition.

The Happy Youngster is a douchebag who makes us all look bad: This post really put us on the map with links from Deadspin and other major blogs. It also inspired this idiot to call us "a blogger who gives drunks a bad name", sold a few t-shirts and was semi-popular on tumblr. Not my favorite, but definitely worth mentioning.

Brewers Flow Charts: I have no idea where this idea came from, but it's definitely one of my favorite of all time.

Witrado's Quest: One of the weirder endeavors we have ever done did a fine job of getting the Witrado hatred out of our system. Not that we like him now just that it doesn't bother us as much anymore.

THE RUNNING SERIES: I loved this if only because Brew Crew Ball to write:

"I'll link to the Ken Macha and Corey Hart chapters here...the other two are a little too obscene to even be linked from this site."

AND

"If you have a vague interest in Brewer baseball, but wish there was less analysis and more profanity on this site, then Miller Park Drunk's RUNNING series might be just the ticket for you." Continue reading →


18
Dec 09

F Christmas, it’s my frickin’ birthday!

Monday is my birthday, that's right I am one of the very lucky people to be born during the week of Christmas. I know, it's crazy right!? I didn't even know it was possible for people to be born around Christmas! (I've only had people make that observation about 15,000 times in my life and believe me it never gets old. How unlucky could I be!) I have spent the majority of my life having my birthday overlooked. My friends could never come to my birthday party because of "holiday commitments" or I would always get the dreaded birthday-slash-Christmas present which, honestly, makes you feel like a second class human being. You see these other people are worth two separate gifts, one for their birthday and one for Christmas, but you? You, you little bastard, are only worth one gift combined! Honestly, you have no idea how much we love your brothers more than you! You couldn't even imagine how much we don't love you, but trust us it's A LOT! We're getting divorced and it's all your fault! Y0u think I'm kidding? I can only remember one Christmas in my lifetime that I got separate birthday and Christmas gifts. For my birthday, Super Mario World for Super Nintendo! For Christmas? A Super Nintendo! That's right, I had to wait FOUR DAYS to play with my birthday gift. Thanks a lot, mom and dad.

Lest you think I am bitter, I have figured out how to move past this and start loving my birthday again. No, I didn't convert to Buddhism. (Those people don't celebrate shit.) I just figured out how to make it work and here's how I did it. Call it:

Drinking Heavily Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love My Birthday Continue reading →


08
Dec 09

Winter Meeting Madness

randywolfSo, you've probably noticed this site has been kind of quiet as of late. I think I actually saw a little dust collecting on the header. You're probably thinking that Miller Park Drunk is another in the long line of Brewers blogs that got tired of doing it and closed up shop without ever telling anyone, but I assure you that is not the case here. Why would we quit when Seth McClung is thanking the author by name and apologizing for his typing? (You're forgiven.) Why would I quit when there are all these chicks dying to sleep with me? Why would I quit when Ryan Braun's restaurant hasn't even opened yet? Clearly, the world isn't ready to let us quit.

No, the reason you haven't been reading much here lately is because we don't write about bullshit. (Unless, of course, we are the ones making up said bullshit.) I don't want to speculate about silly rumors and then find out later that they weren't true. I don't want to attack an acquisition that never happens. It's just not our style.

The thing with these rumors is they are always ridiculous. Doug Melvin could be in line at a Starbucks where Mark Mulder has been working as a barista and all of the sudden we are on the verge of signing him. Continue reading →

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