10
Feb 11

2011 Milwaukee Brewers Bobbleheads: No Gallardo, lots of grit (and white people)

The Milwaukee Brewers recently released their 2011 promotional schedule and along with it came the announcement of who would be getting a bobblehead. There are a few surprises, Randy Wolf when almost everyone thought his signing was a bust (it wasn't, but that's the belief out there) is one great example, but no head scratchers. Unless you count Craig Counsell who had a OPS+ of 76 last year and hasn't once been a starting player unless there was an injury, but there are reasons for him beyond statistics. There are reasons for everyone really.

Date Bobblehead Expected Reason
April 24 John Axford Doug Melvin's rule that at least one Canadian get a bobblehead. Also, white.
May 22 Casey McGehee JS MVP, white.
June 12 Zack Greinke Duh.
July 10 Hot Dog Whitest of all racing sausages.
August 14 Craig Counsell Is named Craig Counsell. Also, white.
September 25 Randy Wolf Brewers had to get their $30 million worth somehow. Also, white.

A lot of people have a problem with these selections because there is a disturbing lack of the "good" Brewers. No Prince or Braun for the 85th time, no Rickie Weeks or Corey Hart who had huge seasons last year and no Yovani Gallardo who has actually never had a bobblehead made in his likeness by the Milwaukee Brewers. It's weird right? It reminds of 2009 when Jason Kendall got one over Mike Cameron despite being worse in every way. To find the answer I went to another blogger who seems to be an expert in these things. I use the term "blogger" lightly because his blog isn't actually up yet and he only has a twitter account, but on this particular topic I think he knows his stuff. So take it away, KuKluxBrewKrew. Continue reading →


19
Jan 11

Prince Fielder is the highest paid Milwaukee Brewer of all time

Milwaukee, WI -- Prince Fielder settled his arbitration case with the Milwaukee Brewers and will now make $15.5 million dollars to play in 2011 making him the highest paid Milwaukee Brewer of all time. He gets a $5m raise over last season and has now made over $36.7 million in his Brewers playing career. He surpasses teammate Zack Greinke and former Brewer Jeff Suppan to become the highest paid player in team history.

"I still made $42 million from that team in my career so I don't really care." Said Jeff Suppan when asked about losing the team record. "Prince still can't touch me there."

Added Suppan "Can I get a plug in? Print this article out for 15% off your next meal at Soup's. Don't miss $5 Fridays and our Fast Pitch lunch specials. Go Cardinals."

Fielder doesn't know what he plans to do with the money, but according to his wife he is going to save every penny. "Prince has another thing coming if he thinks he's going to spend all that money on a fancy new car or something for himself. That money is going straight to me and the kids. College fund, school clothes, braces, books, toys, Justin Bieber performing at their birthday party; only the best for our kids and don't forget about me. Don't even think about forgetting about me Prince" said Chanel, who does all the hard work around here anyway. "Prince can keep driving the mini van. There's nothing wrong with it."

When reached for comment Fielder's agent Scott Boras just threw money in the air and laughed maniacally. Our attempts to follow up failed when his secretary said that he was "super crunk" from drinking a virgin's blood and that it'd be best to leave.

According to long time teammate Corey Hart it would be a good idea for Prince, who has been a vegetarian since 2008, to go get a cheeseburger from McDonalds.

"He's always going on about how when he was a kid he did a McDonalds commercial with his dad and Cecil didn't buy him a cheeseburger. 'A double cheeseburger was only $1.19!' he says it every time we pass a McDonalds. It's like you're a millionaire just buy yourself a cheeseburger, man."

Fielder has also expressed some worry about his new found fortune. "I just keep hearing about how more money means more problems and that doesn't sound very cool. And then I heard this song that was like 'money must be funny in a rich man's world' which I have no idea what that meant, but it doesn't sound good. Really catchy though."

At press time, Fielder decided it was best not to spend any money and stick with the 2008 Honda Odyssey he'd been driving for the past three years. "It's just been so good to us, you know?"


18
Oct 10

Sorry Casey McGehee, but the Milwaukee baseball writers are stupid morons

The Milwaukee chapter of the Baseball Writers Association of America cast their votes and selected their award winners for the 2010 season. It was no surprise that Yovani Gallardo won the Brewers pitcher of the year award and that John Axford was awarded the "newcomer of the year". I mean, who were people supposed to vote for? There was a slight upset when Trevor Hoffman took down incumbent Craig Counsell for the "Good Guy of the year award". He'll receive a write-up in the JS upon his release and a wanking motion when I read it for the award. The real travesty took place when Anthony Witrado was born in the Brewers team MVP voting. Here's how that went down.

(1st place votes are worth five points, three for second and one for third.)

NAME 1st 2nd 3rd TOTAL
Casey McGehee 3 1 1 19
Weeks 1 3 2 16
Hart 2 1 1 14
Braun 0 1 0 3
Fielder 0 0 2 2

(I had to do some guessing on the voting, but this is the way math worked based on my calculations. If I'm wrong feel free to correct me.)

I don't want to become all "I'm on the internet and I have blog, look at these advanced stats that prove how wrong this is!" guy because then I'd have to kick my own ass, but seriously Casey McGehee is probably the fifth best player on this team and he doesn't deserve this award. Let's look how he stacks up against the other Brewers and you can judge for yourself. Continue reading →


02
Sep 10

Searching for Miller Park Drunk

We get a lot of hits from search engines. Almost 3000 last month alone. Sometimes it's people looking for our site who are too lazy to type the address in and other times it's people trying to find pictures of Randy Wolf's girlfriend. Which I love because this is what they find:

That picture gets me every time.

Anyways, some of the search terms are kind of insane and hilarious and we thought it'd be fun to share some of the better ones. Continue reading →


02
Aug 10

The Milwaukee Brewers didn’t make any deadline trades and re-signed Corey Hart and that’s okay with me

I have been prepared for the Milwaukee Brewers to trade Prince Fielder and Corey Hart for a solid two months now. Heck, I've already written a goodbye to Corey Hart. While trading our two most valuable assets may have seemed like a great idea on paper (we could get Wade Davis, Matt Cain, Gordon Beckham and Daniel Hudson!) I can't help but to agree with the non-move the front office made. As Disciples of Uecker noted the players teams got in return for their players were terribly unfavorable. It was a buyer's market as evidenced by my favorite summation of a deadline trade by KenTremendous:

So, Yankees get Berkman, Astros pay his salary and get nothing in return. That seems like a good deal for Houston. Well done.

"We want Montero for Berkman." "How about we give you nothing and you give us four million dollars and Berkman." "Even better!"

Teams simply weren't trading their pitching prospects, at least the ones we wanted, and if they weren't going to do that there was no point in trading anyone. Nobody got desperate, so nobody got traded. It's as simple as that. Prince and Corey stay. We like those dudes so we're happy. (We're also happy because we kind of called it.)

Then, in the most surprising news of the year, the Brewers signed Corey Hart to a three year contract extension. It's shocking to see his transition from "mostly pointless" to total elation, but there it is. Honestly, I don't even know what to say. Continue reading →

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