09
Dec 09

LaTroy Hawkins? I know that guy

latroyhawkinsThe Brewers are said to be HOT AND HEAVY after have signed LaTroy Hawkins and I can't help but think that his name sounds really familiar to me. Not in the positive sense. After much searching of my apartment and underneath my trophy case of women's left socks and earlobes, I found it. My favorite book ever written about the Chicago Cubs, Wrigleyworld, that Latroy Hawkins is a big star of. A few choice quotes.

General Manager Jim Hendry did nothing to address the anemic bullpen, instead calling on LaTroy Hawkins for another season.

Especially not today. The Cubs take a 3-2 lead into the top of the ninth, but closer LaTroy Hawkins surrenders the tying run and the game goes into extra innings.

"People are so angry about Dusty Baker, but what about Sammy Sosa and Moises Alou? What about LaTroy Hawkins?"

All this on top of Saturday's game, a freezing and windy affair that saw LaTroy Hawkins blow his second save of the season with two earned runs in the Cubs 4-3 loss.

In the ninth (after an improbable 1-2-3 inning from LaTroy Hawkins), Corey Patterson comes to the plate.

And finally, the best quote of all. Continue reading →


08
Dec 09

Winter Meeting Madness

randywolfSo, you've probably noticed this site has been kind of quiet as of late. I think I actually saw a little dust collecting on the header. You're probably thinking that Miller Park Drunk is another in the long line of Brewers blogs that got tired of doing it and closed up shop without ever telling anyone, but I assure you that is not the case here. Why would we quit when Seth McClung is thanking the author by name and apologizing for his typing? (You're forgiven.) Why would I quit when there are all these chicks dying to sleep with me? Why would I quit when Ryan Braun's restaurant hasn't even opened yet? Clearly, the world isn't ready to let us quit.

No, the reason you haven't been reading much here lately is because we don't write about bullshit. (Unless, of course, we are the ones making up said bullshit.) I don't want to speculate about silly rumors and then find out later that they weren't true. I don't want to attack an acquisition that never happens. It's just not our style.

The thing with these rumors is they are always ridiculous. Doug Melvin could be in line at a Starbucks where Mark Mulder has been working as a barista and all of the sudden we are on the verge of signing him. Continue reading →


02
Nov 09

The curious case of Jody Gerut

As the Phillies gift wrap a World Series for the Yankees, the time for offseason moves is approaching. The Hot Stove League is one of the best times of the year. Lots to think about, lots to talk about, tons of speculation and none of those pesky losses to agonize over. As the days roll on, I become more and more convinced that my favorite player, Mike Cameron, won't be back. Rumors of him signing with the Cubs swirl and all of the sudden I start to feel like this guy:

β€œIt’s like going into church on Sunday and the priest says, `Everybody go home, Jesus has now sided with the devil,”’ [Packers fan Mark Fields, who was wearing a Favre jersey with "JUDAS" written on the back] said.

(It's okay, buddy. Have some milk and cookies then go take a nap. Everything is going to be all right.)

The consensus seems to be that Mike Cameron will not be back and that the Brewers starting center fielder for 2010 will be none other than Jody Gerut. He's cheaper, he's under team control and he could put up roughly the same numbers. To prepare for this seemingly inevitable move I keep looking at Gerut's stats, his projections, his Wikipedia page and I just can't figure him out. He just doesn't make any sense. He's either going to be a great steal and an amazing asset or one of the biggest busts in team history. I haven't been this confused since my middle school thought the best way to teach kids about sex was by watching Degrassi episodes from the 80s. Not that I was complaining. (Hey Shane, if you think you are responsible enough to handle a kid when you are in middle school maybe you shouldn't eat acid and jump off a bridge a couple years later. Just a thought.)

Let's take a quick look at Jody Gerut's career: Continue reading →


30
Oct 09

Last minute Halloween costumes

It's Halloween, but you are far too cool to dress up. You're just going to sit home, drink some beer and watch game 3 of the World Series. You tell yourself that the reason for this is because you are somehow emotionally invested in this World Series, but the truth is you just don't have anything better to do. Then it happens. That cute boy or girl from work you've had your eye on invites you to a Halloween party at their apartment, but you have to wear a costume. Only problem is it's the day before, you don't have any money and you don't have any creativity. What are you going to do?

You're going to use one of our MPD Approved Halloween Costumes, that's what you're going to do. Continue reading →


28
Oct 09

2009 Milwaukee Brewers team awards

weirdotrophyIn case you didn't hear the Brewers recently announced their team awards and the results weren't that surprising. From the JSONLINE:

First baseman Prince Fielder and right-hander Yovani Gallardo were named the Milwaukee Brewers' most valuable player and most valuable pitcher, respectively, for 2009 in balloting conducted by the Milwaukee chapter of the Baseball Writers Association of America.

Other award winners were closer Trevor Hoffman as top newcomer, reliever Todd Coffey as unsung hero and veteran infielder Craig Counsell as recipient of the "Good Guy" award.

(Quick tangent: The Milwaukee chapter of the BBWAA? We have ONE daily newspaper here, how many people can be in it? Seriously, is this just Tony W, Tom H and Mike Hunt voting? Is this a joke? I mean, it's not like they allow broadcasters in here and Uecker got a vote. Who are the people voting on this? I can't find one of them on the BBWAA Wikipedia page. It has to just be the guys at the Journal Sentinel, there is nobody else. So why not just say that?)

Anyways, since this is America and it's full of PC crap where everyone gets a trophy and little league games end in a tie these weren't the only awards handed out. In fact, everyone gets an award! Why let anyone feel left out? These are millionaire baseball players that get tons of adulation and hook up with different women every night, we don't want to hurt their feelings! We need to coddle them and what better way to coddle them than by awarding them for things? Seriously, I want an answer.

Luckily, I have sources and they were able to get me the complete list of Brewers awards handed out to the players and I now present them here for you. Continue reading →