01
Aug 12

AJ Lee: A GIF Appreciation

My love of pro wrestling is no secret. I went to Wrestlemania last year and I am going again this year. I'm going to Chikara in two weeks. I'm wearing a Colt Cabana t-shirt right now. I've made two awkward appearance on TH's The Wrestling Podcast. It's just my thing. I always have and always will love this stupid deal where people pretend to fight and put oil all over their bodies. I just love it.

Because of this I often find myself falling in love with the girls on the screen. She likes wrestling and she is attractive? Sign me up! Last summer my dad and I went to Chikara in Chicago and after watching Sara Del Rey kick the living shit out of Icarus I could tell he had a bit of a crush going on. Which was weird because I didn't want to have to fight my own dad to the death over her. When I was in high school and starting to figure out that boobs were the best thing in the world, WWE gave me Sable who had enormous fake ones that she had no problem showing me. It was love at first breast. Then they followed her with Trish Stratus who made me fall in love all over again and still does a little bit. Then Stacy Keibler who is hot enough for George Clooney so like really hot. Then Melina whose entrance made me somewhat uncomfortable (in a good way.) Then Maryse who was hot until I found out she was banging The Miz. (Seriously, I'd rather be with someone that had face herpes than someone The Miz touched.) All these girls with many in between have made me continually have crushes/infatuations with the women involved in professional wrestling.

Here's the thing though. They are all pretty girls, but at the same time they are "wrestling pretty." Much like a stripper seems pretty because she is taking her clothes off a lot of these girls seem prettier just because they are on a wrestling show. You guys remember that period where WWE convinced us that Chyna was really hot and she did two Playboys? Yeah, WWE (and plastic surgery) convinced us that THIS was really hot. I used to think Francine was gorgeous and she's really not (see if you can guess why I thought that.) That's what I'm talking about. This isn't a knock on the women at all. They are pretty girls who could probably kick my ass, but if you stand 98% of them next to Alison Brie or Anne Hathaway they look homely. A pretty girl in something you like looks 1000% prettier than if she was in something you didn't like. Look at Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica. Pretty? Yes. omg da prettiest girl ever? No, but don't tell that to some Battlestar fanboys. It's just the way it is. Why do you think I hook up with so many ugly girls in Rickie Weeks jerseys? Our mind plays tricks on us sometimes.

AJ changed all of that because AJ is not only the prettiest girl to ever grace a wrestling ring. Continue reading →


05
Apr 12

Miller Park Drunk’s Milwaukee Brewers Season Preview Hashtag Opening Day

Opening Day is here.

I guess this means it's time for me to stop being a baby and get over the way last season ended. This would be easy if it wasn't for the ___ ____Cardinals winning the ___ ____ World _______ Series and then (and then!) watching them open the season by winning without one of the greatest hitters (and __holes of all time) or their ___hole manager. The Cardinals are in first place right now and that is honestly the last thing I want to hear right now. I'd even rank it ahead of "I'm pregnant" and "Your herpes seemed to have evolved into some sort of super herpes." The Cardinals winning last night was a bigger downer than Daniel Bryan losing in 18 seconds, but....

It's a new season. A new day. Yesterday doesn't matter. Last season is nothing, but a page in the history books because the only thing that matters now is now because we can't change the past. Marty and Doc can't go back in time and make Shaun Marcum go on the DL before game 6. The only thing we can do in this life is move on from our past mistakes and do the very best we can in our present and future. That's why I stopped drinking vodka-Red Bulls. Yesterday is gone, the future is now and guess what? The Brewers are going to be pretty freakin' awesome this year. Our future is looking bright. So bright I gotta wear shades. Continue reading →

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    2008 Milwaukee Brewers J.J. HARDY Bobble Head w/ Ticket Stub in original box
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