15
Dec 09

Welcome to Boston Mike Cameron

redsoxfanIn case you haven't heard the best team in baseball have signed Mike Cameron in a wicked pissa deal to be their newest future Hall of Famah, that totally locks up the 2010 championship. Ya frickin' douchebag of a editah was too busy cryin' in his beer cheese soup to update today so he ask me ta do it. And lemme tell ya, I haven't been this excited since the Sawks won the Series. Mike Cameron is a killa ballplayah and the smahtest fans in baseball will appreciate him way moah than you Milwaukee loozahs.

This move couldn't have come at a bettah time to furtha establish Boston's dominance over all tha othah cities. The Pats are cruising their way to anothah playoffs,  just playing coy until the time is right to take down Peyton Manning and the Colts. The Celtics have won eleven in a row and probably won't lose evah again. Da Broons are dominatin' the NHL like the glory days of Bobby Orr. The Sawks adding Cameron is the perfect toppah to what looks to be another championship year for the greatest city in America, Baston Mass! Continue reading →


11
Dec 09

You running, Ryan Braun?

I am nothing if not a people pleaser so when a commenter requested that we do a story about the Brewers being more open to running next year and "what the Brewers are running from?" I had to oblige and present you THE RUNNING SERIES.

ryanbraun

Ryan Braun, don't run from shit son. I'm a soldier! In fact, I'm about to set the record straight with a freestyle rap that I wrote on my Blackberry. (Ed. note: But Ryan you aren't supposed to write freestyles. Who are you, Drake?) Bitch, stfu. Yo DJ kick that beat. Continue reading →


25
Nov 09

Thanksgiving Drunkstravaganza

thanksgivingI love Thanksgiving so, so very much. It combines a few of my favorite pastimes: overeating, drinking heavily, not doing anything, punching family members in the face.  If we could figure out a way to transfer Thanksgiving to the parking lot at Miller Park in mid-August this would be the greatest holiday of all. It still is (why? none of that whiny God shit), but that would make it just that much better like a finger in your asshole during a blowjob. I mean, ummm.... I just... uhh, ummm yeah. So ANYWAYS, Thanksgiving is awesome and I like to consider myself an expert in the holiday. Do I know how to cook turkey and do stuff with the gizard and whatnot? Fuck no. I know how to make this holiday legendary. I know how to turn Thanksgiving into Thanksfuckingyeahgiving. Want to have an awesome holiday? Tired of deciding to go to the movies because you are so bored? Tired of pretending to care about a Cowboys game or using mock outrage that you don't get the NFL Network? Miller Park Drunk is here to guide you through the greatest holiday of them all. Continue reading →


13
Nov 09

So ladies, you want to date Miller Park Drunk huh?

sixteencandlesI have this friend and her friend loves this site. Like loves it, loves it. This person (who I have never met) loves the site an therefore loves me. No, seriously. It's true. I am not making this up. In fact of the 480 facebook fans we have a whopping 32% of them are female! That's like 153 girls reading this site! Do you realize what this all means? Chicks frickin' dig me.

Now look girls I know that you think this is all fun and games, but this is serious business. I'm not some trollop you can just post a few comments on his website and next thing you know I'm taking you out to dinner at a fancy restaurant like Red Lobster. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work that way. I have feelings, I have emotions, I cried at the end of Wall-E! I'm sophisticated, I watch Mad Men! You can't just mosey on in with your sexy facebook profile pictures and think you're going to horn in on all my riches and move into my lush two bedroom apartment. No, you have to be a special kind of lady to get involved with this guy. There was this one time in high school when my best friend and I made a bet that I couldn't turn the ugliest girl in school (and she was really ugly too, pig tails and glasses! gross!) into the prom queen. Well, I changed that girl and she ended up being beautiful, but she didn't win the prom, she won my heart. I made that bet before I knew her, before I really knew me and that was the night that I realized that it's not what's on the outside that counts. It's what's on the inside.

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Ahem.

Where was I at? Prom? I wonder what ever happened to that girl. Yeah, like I was really going to art school with her. Idiot. Wait, that wasn't it. Oh yeah, chicks digging me that are reading this site.

Girls if this is something that you're really interested in doing I have a few guidelines I'd like for you to follow. A few dealbreakers. A few tips. If you think you're serious about this read ahead, but proceed with caution. It's about to get real. Continue reading →


04
Nov 09

The Next Big Thing in Milwaukee is Brandon Jennings

You probably don't come to a site called Miller Park Drunk to read about the Bucks. We don't really care, it's our blog we'll write what we want. Don't believe me? Tomorrow we're talking about the Admirals. Seriously.

brandon-jennings-is-a-buckBrandon Jennings is the most important athlete in Wisconsin not named Rodgers, Fielder or Braun.

There, I said it. It's out there and I can't take it back. After watching the Bucks take on the Chicago Bulls last night, I feel this stronger than anything I've felt since I said that The Happy Youngster was a douchebag. I've made my fair share of Bucks jokes in the past and I've even made fun of Brandon Jennings before, but I had no idea he was this good. I had no idea that he'd be, within three games, the best point guard the Bucks have had since Sam Cassell flew away on his spaceship.

Looking back maybe we should have know. I mean, look at his Wikipedia:

In his senior year of high school, Jennings averaged 32.7 points, 7.5 assists, 5.1 rebounds and 3.7 steals per game and set the school record for points in a season. This performance earned him some of high school basketball’s most prestigious awards: the 2008 Naismith High School Basketball Player of the Year, 2007-08 Gatorade Player of the Year (Virginia), 2008 Parade Magazine Player of the Year and 2008 EA Sports Player of the Year.

I mean, they don't just hand out the awards for "Best High School Basketball Player in the Country" to just anybody. Kenny Anderson (more on him later), Jason Kidd, Kobe Bryant, Lebron James, Dwight Howard and Kevin Love are a few past winners of the Naismith Award. It's not like this guy just came out of nowhere. Then again as a guy drafted #10 overall in a draft that Bill Simmons called "the worst draft class since the infamous Kenyon Martin Draft in 2000" by a team whose recent draft history includes Joe Alexander and Yi Jianlian (not necessarily saying Yi is a bust, I just like typing his name) he wasn't quite a "sure thing" either. Put it this way, Brandon Jennings didn't even show up for the 2009 NBA Draft because his agent wasn't sure if he'd get picked in the first round (leading to him showing up in the middle of the draft to get his picture taken with Stern.) He hardly played in Europe and everyone forgot about him. One day, this will be considered one of the greatest things that ever happened to both the Bucks and Brandon Jennings. Here's the others: Continue reading →

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