Remember that one time the Happy Youngster tried to extrort Chris Coghlan for the ball and I called him a douchebag? Well, somehow a 12-year old girl in Florida has made herself look much worse than HY could ever dream of. The story goes:
A 12 year-old girl caught Ryan Howard's 200th home run ball back in July. Afterwards, she was escorted to the Phillies clubhouse and exchanged it for an autographed ball. This being America, she sued (or, I should say, her parents sued) in order to get the ball back. Two days after the suit was filed, the Phillies gave her the ball back.
Actually I take that back, the 12-year old girl didn't do shit. It's her douchebag mother that has made the Happy Youngster look like an okay guy. You see 12-year old's are stupid. I wouldn't trust a 12-year old to walk my dog. You know when you hear about pedophiles going after young girls? They always skip 12-year olds because 12-year olds are too stupid to even get molested properly. If you went up to her and offered to trade her a $5 footlong for the ball she would have done it. She's 12, she's an idiot so I don't blame her. I blame her dumbass mother. Continue reading »
Last week I did a playoff preview where I went through each team individually and tried to pick a favorite (and it looks like I'll be an honorary Coors Field Drunk for the rest of this month). I went through each of the playoff teams and decided that the Tigers were going to win the division. The Twins had something like a 5% chance of coming back and I didn't think they would do it. Here's what I said.
(Skipping the Twins. They aren't coming back.)
That's it. I didn't even feel the need to justify it and now they are in a one-game playoff for the AL Central title to be played tomorrow.
(Quick tangent on this: Each year the MLB holds a series of coinflips in the event of tiebreakers to decide the home team. The Twins won this coinflip. (As lar pointed out in the comments this has been changed, but the overall point still stands.) Now, why wouldn't the MLB look at the schedule and say "You know, we want these tiebreakers to take place on Monday. We don't want either team gaining an advantage and we want the playoffs to start on Tuesday. Even though you won the toss, if you can't have that game on Monday, we're going to have that game on Monday in Detroit. Sorry." How hard would that be? The playoffs take forever as it is, why add a day because Brett Favre unretired?)
So, the Tigers play the Twins in a four game series and they split it when everyone says the Twins need to win 3 of 4 to have a chance. Then they sweep the Royals while the Twins fall apart against the White Sox. WHY? Why does this happen? I don't really care about either team at all, but I don't like to be wrong. Who likes to be wrong? Who is responsible for me to possibly be wrong? Miguel Cabrera, that's who. Continue reading »
Yesterday I made fun of some of the people who read the JSOnline and just a few minutes later I got a sternly worded letter from my good friend Brewers Baby who was pissed off at me for stealing his thunder. "Making fun of the twats that read the Journal Suckinel is MY territory MPD," he said. I realized that he was correct and now turn the site over to him.
The good news is I will never have to play with the kids of these toolboxes. Why? Because who in their right mind would bang these losers. I thought Cervecerros day was for Latinos, not D&D nerds. There is no chance that these guys don't jerk off to The Guild.
Well, you aren't going to believe this but after last night's loss to the Rockies the Brewers have been eliminated from playoff contention. Even if the planes carrying the Dodgers, Cardinals, Rockies and Phillies crash into eachother the Brewers still won't make the playoffs. Sad, I know.
Anyways I just found out that the playoffs still happen if the Brewers don't make it and despite the Brewers not being in contention they will still hold a "World Series". I am interested in this and plan to watch these "playoffs" until their logical conclusion which I assume is called the "championship", I don't know I'm new to this whole baseball thing. I only started watching the Brewers last year. Since the Brewers aren't involved I thought we should figure out who we all want to root for and pretend that we were fans of this team for the next six months until the playoffs end. So let's get down to it. Continue reading »
So, this is it. Our last chance to go to Miller Park. It seems like only yesterday I was doing a countdown to Opening Day, telling you what not to wear and how to drink. Now? It's all over. If you haven't been to a game in awhile and want to get one last one in, stubhub has some truly crazy deals on tickets right now (Terrace for $.50, Field Infield Box for $15, Loge Infield for $10, Loge Diamond Box for $10, tons of deals). They might win, they might not. Doesn't really matter. Miller Park is a great place just to hang out. If you don't have faith in the team on the field just stay in the parking lot for the first four innings. I can't say I've never done it and I know you'll have a good time because it's ALWAYS a good time. Personally, I am happy with my last game of the season being Wednesday's game (and not just because I'm still hungover.) I got to see Prince go yard, a starting pitcher actually do a good job and Trevor Time. I can't think of a better way to remember this season than that (outside of flipping The Happy Youngster over the railing into the bullpen).
Speaking of my last game, something really weird happened at it: I met some readers and they were happy about it. "It's a pleasure to meet you" they said. My only reply? "Really? Seriously? You're kidding right?" I'm glad that people read this blog and I'm more glad that the people who read it really like it, but let's face the facts. I'm just another douchebag who spills his beer on a pregnant chick. Nothing to get excited about.
Anyways, enjoy the weekend gang. I'll be back Monday with more stuff, just like I'll be back every week all winter long. Just because the Brewers will be gone doesn't mean I suddenly have important stuff to do. Quite the opposite.