01
Nov 12

Brewers Free Agent Fornication Set To Begin

Despite what Tyler Maas said the other day, how awesome is it that the season is over? I AM SO HAPPY! No more dreaming of impossible scenarios that won't happen, no more Brewers bullpen doing Brewers bullpen thing, no more Cardinals, no more Barry Zito, no more MLB Betting, no more Prince Fielder used to be a Brewer and no more stupid teams in the stupid World Series. I'm glad it's all over and I am ready to move on to my favorite time of the year: free agency!

The great thing about free agency is that everyone is interesting. Alex Gonzalez is a slightly above average shortstop in the declining phase of his career, but when they signed him last year it felt like they were getting Cal Ripken Jr. (The young bald shortstop version, not the older bald third base version.) Free agency has a way of filling us with hope and making us believe that whatever dude we just signed is going to be the key to our championship season.*

*= Unless that signing is Eric Gagne, Jeff Suppan, Jason Kendall, Doug Davis or any of the other sucky assholes this team has brought in over the past few years.

With the free agent FrEnZy set to begin I thought we should take a look at who the Brewers may or may not get. This isn't meant to be a predictions post because my name is not Doug Melvin, but is instead a handy guide for any Brewers front office staff who might be reading this to gauge our feelings on any potential signings. Last season was the worst (and then briefly the best, but mostly the absolute worst) and I don't want to go through that again. You have to get this one right. Don't mess this one up, guys. No pressure.

Continue reading →


31
Dec 10

10 Worst Milwaukee Brewers of 2010

Lost in the shuffle of how awesome 2011 is going to be with the additions of Zack Greinke and Shaun Marcum, was how truly awful 2010 was. Despite our optimism, this team was eliminated by May and had most fans clamoring for a fire sale at the trade deadline. A lot of the reasons for the team's lack of success were stupid ("Ryan Braun is spending too much time on his restaurants and clothing line!"), some of them had basis in reality ("Coffey is eating too much!"), and some of them were just about Ken Macha sucking, but I don't think anyone can deny how much these ten people screwed up the Brewers' 2010 season.

That's right, it's end-of-the-year list time, and instead of looking back on our favorite moments (of which there are two, trading for Shaun Marcum and trading for Zack Greinke), we want to look back on the ten people who screwed the Brewers in 2010 harder than any of the guys your mom brought home. Luckily for us, just like your mom's "night visitors," most of these guys won't be back either. Continue reading →


11
Jun 10

Doug Davis hopes to return in less than 3 weeks, has awesome wife

Doug Davis hasn't had the best start to his Brewers season. He wasn't that good, but he was also extremely unlucky with a 3+ run difference in his ERA and FIP. Then he got hurt when his heart was bleeding and he had to get a transplant from someone who died, but it turned out that man was actually evil and Doug had to fight him for control of his soul. Now, it looks like he'll be back in three weeks or less. The Brewers could probably use him by then and it'll be nice to have him back (if only to complain about).

So Doug will be back soon, but that's not really why I posted this post. I needed an excuse to post these pictures of his hot ass wife that I found. Seriously, she's a babe and the accompanying tweet shows how unfair life can be. My last girlfriend told me she knew she could never truly love me after she saw me eat four brats in five minutes. She was nothing like Chantelle.

Seriously, she can inflate my ERA anytime. Continue reading →


21
May 10

In defense of Doug Melvin

I don't know how it happened. I don't know when it happened, but somehow at some point I became a Doug Melvin apologist. I don't think that Doug Melvin should be fired. I think Doug Melvin should be signed to be the team's GM forever. As the Brewers have now lost their last 9 games seemingly everyone is calling for the head of Doug Melvin. I don't agree with them. I looked all over the internet and I could only find one other person who agreed with me, his name is Al. (FYI, We did this before the Brewers won yesterday.) Warning, this be long.

MPD: As of this writing the Brewers have now lost 8 games in a row. Of the eight games I would say that five of the games were lost by the starters and two were lost by the bullpen (with the final game being Sunday's against the Phillies which I would say was lost by one centimeter of Corey Hart's bat.) Now, everyone is calling for people to be fired. Some I agree with (Hoffman), some I could care less about because it won't make a difference (Macha) and the final one, I just don't understand. That final one is Doug Melvin, the mustached general manager. People are saying that because he put the team together that sucks right now that he should be fired for it. It's not just casual fans, it's diehards fans too and the argument is is logical. After all, he is the one who signed Doug Davis, Trevor Hoffman, Jeff Suppan, LaTroy Hawkins and throughout his GM career he's never been good with the pitchers. Those pitchers I mentioned are the ones that have underperformed and someone has to take the blame for them, but to me it shouldn't be Doug Melvin. Everyone who has performed poorly does not have a track record of performing this poorly and you can't blame Doug Melvin for that.

Trevor Hoffman has been awful, but he showed zero signs of decline last season. He is throwing the same pitches at the same speed he always has, but he's missing his spots. Does that mean he is done? Or is it something else?

Doug Davis hasn't been great, but he's also faced some bad luck (.415 BABIP.)

LaTroy Hawkins was hurt.

Claudio Vargas? Well, you can't win em' all.

Todd Coffey has had five bad outings and 15 shutout ones, but he's on pace for a lot of innings right now. That can't be good.

In your opinion Al, what has been wrong with this pitching staff, whose fault is it and what can be done to fix it? Continue reading →


30
Apr 10

What did you expect?

I've been getting a lot of this "what did you expect? You knew this team was crappy" crap lately and it is really annoying me. I didn't expect the Brewers to be the 1927 Yankees this year or even the 2009 Yankees, but I do think they will compete. They aren't this bad and this bad isn't really that bad. Look who they've played so far:

Rockies: Contender
Cardinals: Contender
Cubs: Maybe good, not this bad
Nationals: Surprisingly good
Pittsburgh: Average, not as bad as last year or year before
San Diego: Surprisingly good

This isn't last year or the year before. Maybe the Nationals, Padres and (to a lesser extent) the Pirates are something more than the National League's punching bags. The players they have are in the major leagues for a reason, right? Maybe we just need to hold our breath til we play the Braves or Reds or Astros. The thing is that even if our expectations were too high, there is no way anyone could have expected things to be this bad either. Continue reading →

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