24
Apr 09

71, seriously? That’s it?

Alright, that just about wraps things up for this week. This weekend's series against the Astros should be good as Minute Maid Park is a good place to hit home runs and that's just about our biggest strength. I don't think I'm going out on a limb here when I say one of the three games will feature 10 runs scored by a single team. I need to take a couple days off to figure out what has happened in my life that led me to thinking that writing as if I was Alyssa Milano was not only a good idea, but would be a lot of fun. I'm no doctor, but something doesn't seem quite right there.

Have a good weekend and if you haven't already Become a Fan of Miller Park Drunk on facebook. So far only 71 people have done so which really doesn't make any sense considering we are giving away two free good seats. Seriously, do it already and while you're at it Follow Us on Twitter. Look at all the fun we've been having on facebook and Twitter. It's what all the cool kids are doing.

"Guess he's due for a 10 run inning now"

"If you're not willing to hug Mike Cameron when you're sober, I feel you may want to rethink your entire post."

"douchebaggery at its finest."

"@millerparkdrunk so how do I become the "official liquor store" of @millerparkdrunk?"

"@millerparkdrunk and don't get so drunk you take out the margarita stand.... Just another tid bit to add. I'm still hurtin lol"

"@millerparkdrunk I agree with you...classless, we're suppose to be showing them how to act"

Clearly, we're having a great time and you are missing out.

Out, peace.


20
Apr 09

A word about Brewers fans

drunk-fightBugs and Cranks with a piece about how both Cubs and Brewers fans are douches, but on Opening Day 2009 the Brewers fans were the bigger douches. Normally, I would come to the defense of such an article but at this time I agree completely. Most of the "Brewers fans" I saw on Opening Day weren't Brewers fans at all. They were fans of being drunk and obnoxious more than anything. I can honestly say that there were more Brewers fans to annoy me on Opening Day than Cubs fans. Now, for once in my life there was actually more Brewers fans there than Cubs fans but the point stands. Below are some of the complaints that Cubs fans have issued and my responses to them.

  • Relentless verbal attacks (colorful language) on both young and elderly fans.

Not sure how I feel about this one. I am not the biggest fan of swearing in general, especially around kids, but Cubs fans are THE WORST at this so I don't really care to hear it.

  • Gesturing and taunting of pre-teen female Cubs fans to perform sexual acts.

Come on.

  • Throwing items.

Definitely not a fan of this. If someone's throwing stuff have them thrown out. It's not that difficult, in fact it's kind of fun.

  • Pouring beer on fans/down their shirts.

This is just wrong. Who would waste beer? They cost $6.75!

  • Tampering with vehicles.

Not cool.

  • Dumping charcoal ashes in front of Illinois plated cars.

Not cool.

  • Pieces of broken beer bottles placed under cars and tires.

Seriously, how old are you? That doesn't even work.

  • One fan reported being intentionally cutoff in their vehicle.

Really? Someone from Illinois is going to complain about driving? Really?

Here's the thing, Cubs fans are going to act like douches. There is no denying it, it's just a fact of life. You don't really have to do anything to entice them into douchery, it just comes naturally. Here's a great example, on Saturday my friends and are I were in our seats when in front of us this drunk lady looking like she just stepped off the set of a Larry the Cable Guy movie started screaming at these Cubs fans sitting next to us about how bad these guys sucked. Now, the whole game these Cubs fans were quiet and polite never stepping into the idiocy we tend to associated with Cubs fans. My friend decides to tell this lady to shut up because A) it's annoying and B) she believes that as Brewers fans we shouldn't stoop to doing stuff like that (ie like Cubs fans do). An argument insued and this lady ended up losing rather badly, but basically she came to the defense of these Cubs fans. So what happens? Soriano hits a home run in the ninth and they IMMEDIATELY turn into douchebags. This wasn't like someone turning into a zombie after a bite, this was like the moon rose and they were instantly transformed, like were-douches. Did this cause us to regret it? No, it didn't. The fact still remains is that we don't do stuff like that in Milwaukee because we aren't the dumb ones.

And you know what? Despite all these complaints listed above (and I am sure there are many more) I still saw more Cubs fans thrown out of Miller Park last weekend than Brewers fans. The Cubs fans may outnumber us and at times they may even be louder than us, but we should accept that as long as they don't out-douche us. Forget taking back Miller Park, we need to give back the douche. I'd rather be outnumbered, out yelled, out drunken and everything else than an asshole.

Have you entered our contest for two free Brewers tickets yet? All you have to do is become a fan on facebook, not that hard.


17
Apr 09

You know what? Screw that dude

Forrest GumpThe more I think about that guy, the more pissed off I am. Like, really pissed off. He's making me, as a Brewers fan, look bad. He's making this site look bad because like it or not this is the home for drunken Brewers fans, even the douche-y ones. (It goes like this: drunk fans/Miller Park Drunk, smart sabermetric inclined fans/Brew Crew Ball, older Republican fans/Al's Ramblings, Mentally challenged fans/JSOnline.) Make no mistake about it, this guy is one of the douche-y ones. He might be in the Brewers fan Hall of Douche next to Favre jersey guy. Listen, I am all for a good prank. I am all for fucking with Cubs fans. The thing is I am more the kind of guys who says "Hey, Cubs fan. They are giving away free Captain Morgan in section 227" and watching them run like someone threw apples at Forrest Gump. In fact, "my balls" and "other people" has never really been something I was interested in. I hate the flying squirrel, the goat, the bat wing, all of that. It's just not my style and while this dude's friends may have thought it was funny at the time, I can guaran-damn-tee you that about 15 seconds later they realized there was nowhere for their buddy to wash his hands. Then about 2 minutes after that they forgot all about his lack of hand washing and went back to giving him high fives. So, now this dbag is not only spreading his ball sweat amongst Cubs fans he is spreading it among his friends who are then spreading it throughout the stadium as they give high fives to strangers after a Corey Hart home run. Basically, I was at Opening Day and touched this guy's balls. The guy is wearing an old school jersey with a new logo hat, he obviously doesn't have the presence of mind to wash his freaking hands. Do I look like I want to touch his balls? In the original post I was less concerned with showing the video than letting my readers know that this idiot was not me. Clearly, I want nothing to do with the guy's balls.

The thing is, Cubs fan have enough problems at Miller Park. They have to wait in short lines to go to the bathroom, they can't chant "____ field sucks" at eachother, they can actually park at the stadium, it's harder to hit and/or molest girls in the bleachers, they can't drink Old Style and perhaps worst of all, most of their seats aren't obstructed. They don't need someone giving them a ball sweat handshake. More importantly, neither do we.


09
Apr 09

Guide to Opening Day: To Bong or Not to Bong?

Miller Park Drunk Guide To Opening Day

To Bong or Not to Bong?: A guide to getting drunk

"Luther said I could learn some things from you. I already know how to drink" - The Sting

Of course you know how to drink. I wouldn't doubt it for a second. You've probably never had too much to drink and thrown up. Or said something you shouldn't have. Fell down, been thrown out of a bar, attempted a backflip or chewed your arm off to get away from a girl you woke up next to. You've probably never kissed a dude because you thought it would be funny or split your pants or threw up at a bar ON the bar. You know how to drink, you wouldn't do these things.

Here's the thing, I have. I've done all those things. I have done more stupid things while I was drunk then pretty much everyone you've ever met. I've ruined more relationships, spilled more tequilla on myself, sent more regrettable texts and had more heads shaken at me (oh, you) than my entire readership combined. Is this something I'm proud of? Of course not. I wish I could drink like a normal person and do normal things. I wish I had more than three readers. It's just that when I drink I am fairly certain that I can do a standing backflip and will later have to throw up. These things happen. So while you may think you know how to drink, I'm going to tell you how NOT to drink at Opening Day. It's my pleasure, really.

Continue reading →


13
Mar 09

Catfight!

I came across this on youtube today and I had to post it. As it's clearly stated in the Bro Code: A bro will, in a timely manner, alert his bro to the existence of a girl fight. This girl fight is pretty intense and looks to be taking place in our favorite parking lot.

Honestly though, can we even call this a catfight? These girls are bad ass and that girl in the black is a freaking MONSTER. My favorite part? The dude on the bike.

Have a good time out there this weekend. I got my season tickets in the mail today so I am going to spend my weekend staring at them. Try not to drink too much and if you see the girl in black DON'T GIVE HER MY NUMBER.

Give her my email.

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